Drunk (Driving) on the Holy Spirit

Here’s one of the weirder attempts to get out of being arrested you’ll ever hear about. A man in Washington was pulled over for drunk driving and told the police officer that they could do a blood test, but he was only drunk on the holy spirit, not alcohol. Turns out, not so much.

A 28-year-old Tacoma, Washington man told police they would only find heavenly stimulants in his system after he was arrested for allegedly driving into another car before attacking a gas station clerk, KOMO-TV reported on Tuesday.

Police documents state that the suspect, Anthoney Stanley, told officers that “he is filled with the Holy Spirit and said the officer could draw his blood, but all he would find would be God.”…

Despite Stanley’s assurances that he was full of the “Holy Spirit,” police drew a sample of his blood. He was charged with driving under the influence, hit-and-run, attempted robbery and driving with a suspended license.

Maybe Jesus will send him bail money.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • https://www.facebook.com/kpalexander1 Kevin Alexander

    He could be right. I’ve had some spiritual experiences involving bourbon.

    Maybe angels can carry him around until he gets his license back.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    A little blood of christ and look what happens

  • Anthony K

    Police documents state that the suspect, Anthoney Stanley, told officers that “he is filled with the Holy Spirit and said the officer could draw his blood, but all he would find would be God.”…

    “Well, God and a little bit of Grey Goose. Okay, maybe God and a little bit of Grey Goose and a couple of Jäger bombs. God, Grey Goose, Jäger, and some Old Milwaukee. That’s it. Nothing else. Wait, have you ever had Parfait d’Amour? Tastes like cake. So God, Grey Goose, Jäger, Old Milwaukee, and a soupçon of Parfait d’Amour. But mostly God. Urp. [barfs]Whoops, now there’s some God on my pantlegs. And the hood of your squad car. Man, doesn’t sharing the holy Spirit feel go-o-od?”

  • dingojack

    He shouldda had some of Christ’s flesh to go with it*.

    Dingo

    ——-

    * damn you PZ Myers!!

  • dingojack

    Was he observed the following day ‘talking to god on the great white phone’?

    Dingo

  • http://cheapsignals.blogspot.com Gretchen

    So should the Holy Spirit now be classified as a controlled substance? Maybe you should have to be at least 18, perhaps even 21, to be legally exposed to it?

    Hmmm…..

  • Trebuchet

    It’s Tacoma. What can you expect from a town named after a Toyota?

    (It’s ok, I’m a former Tacomer myself.)

  • busterggi

    Further evidence for transubstantiation.

  • dingojack

    Trebuchet – You mean it wasn’t named after tacos?

    Dingo

  • Trebuchet

    It was actually named after the prominent local mountain, which Seattle insists on calling by the name applied to it by George Vancouver in honor of some Englishman who never saw it.

  • doublereed

    I would think he’s making a drunken pun on “Spirit.”

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    Dingo

    ‘talking to god on the great white phone’

    I’d forgotten you were an Aussie. :-)

  • dingojack

    And Natchez? – not nachos then? How disappointing*.

    Dingo

    ——–

    * Now I’ve a hankering for Mexican food, damn.

  • howardhershey

    Isn’t the wine supposed to turn into Christ’s blood? Why didn’t it happen this time? Perhaps he didn’t get it blessed with the right magic words.

  • lldayo

    I think our blood tests just can’t distinguish between alcohol and holy based spirits (they’re probably both alkaline making it difficult). We need to come up with a better test so as not to make the same mistake in the future.

  • lorn

    A friend and ex-Krishna tells a story of how they were encouraged to chant their mantra while doing other things. Apparently the turning point for his unalloyed belief in the virtues of chanting was when he came to himself with the car in the ditch, and no knowledge of how he got there, because he was chanting and driving.

    What sounded to me like a similar situation was related by a woman who reported having a runner’s high, driving, and realizing that she was in too much of an altered state to drive safely. She pulled over, got some coffee and felt ready to drive after fifteen or twenty minutes.

    Driving while in an altered state isn’t safe. It doesn’t matter how you had your thinking rearranged.

  • John Pieret

    Too bad he didn’t live in Kentucky. The cops there might have bought the excuse that bourbon was the “holy spirit.”

  • whheydt

    So the “holy spirit” is ethanol. Who would have ever expected that to be the case?

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Maybe Jesus will send him bail money.

    Ray Wylie Hubbard tells a funny story about a time he got caught stealing, and this preacher he knew told him that he should “turn it all over to the lord! just turn it over to jesus!!” And Ray says he did, and jesus referred it to the District Attorney.

  • http://adventuresinzymology.blogspot.com JJ831

    Isn’t the wine supposed to turn into Christ’s blood?

    This leads me to believe that Jesus was drunk at the time of transubstantiation. And not a little drunk either.

  • http://www.meddlingkids.org Big Ugly Jim

    Why do I suddenly feel like shouting out real loud, “Praise the lord and pass the ammunition!”. Thanks, Obama.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    He was charged with driving under the influence, hit-and-run, attempted robbery and driving with a suspended license.

    And this started with him just getting pulled over for a sobriety check?

    Yet some people still claim Christians aren’t getting persecuted in Obama’s America!

  • steve oberski

    @Kevin Alexander

    He could be right. I’ve had some spiritual experiences involving bourbon.

    On the other hand, tequila is of the devil.

  • http://dontlinkmebro F [i’m not here, i’m gone]

    Let’s give the War On Christianity brigade what they want and classify the Holy Spirit as a Schedule I substance.

  • Trebuchet

    This leads me to believe that Jesus was drunk at the time of transubstantiation. And not a little drunk either.

    http://what-if.xkcd.com/98/

  • http://adventuresinzymology.blogspot.com JJ831

    @25

    Man, I love XKCD, especially the what if.

    But,Jesus needs a BAC of at minimum of 5% ABV to get even a buzz.

  • http://adventuresinzymology.blogspot.com JJ831

    @Myself

    Proofread next time…

  • anubisprime

    By their works so shalt thy know them!

  • freehand

    lorn: Driving while in an altered state isn’t safe. It doesn’t matter how you had your thinking rearranged.

    .

    I figure there’s a reason why we didn’t evolve to be an an altered state routinely. Or maybe we just have a reason for not evolving while driving.