The terminally melodramatic Glenn Beck has penned another of his typically over-the-top bits of brooding while on a plane with everyone else sleeping. It reminds me a lot of those fundraising emails that begin “It’s 3 am and I can’t sleep because God has put a burden on my heart” or some such rot. But he assures us all that he is in the middle of an amazing transformation and will soon escape his cocoon.
I am in the final phase, I think, of a massive transformation. One that will take me to rough terrain, uncharted landscape and lonely woods. This may end up being the biggest and most important challenge of my life.
Lead by that still small voice always and simply, questioning, condemning and empowering with love and truth. I have challenged myself to let go of my anger and hurt and instead see others pain, need, confusion and hurt.
I want to be a better man. A much better man.
It is hard.
Sometimes it’s too hard, because I hurt or I am tired or honestly, sometimes I just want to be angry.
“I have a right!” I think to myself.
The country I love is washing ashore in bits and pieces. Dashed intentionally on the rocks by fools and knaves. The flames of hate rages. Fires started by those who just want power or money. Only to have the flames fanned by those of us who were sometimes duped, sometimes trusting “our side” and honestly, sometimes too tired, lazy or unwilling to challenge what we WANT to believe because it allows us to escape that condemning voice about the role we played.
I want to be a better man. A better husband, father and friend.
Life moves so fast. So many fires. I try to put one out and three more appear.
“How Lord? Why Lord?” I pray/wrestle. “I want to do what you want me to do, but I am not smart enough to figure out how to get from here to there.”
“Tell me! What do you want me to do! I will do it, but just tell me!”
Am I the only one who hears the echoes of Vespasian, minus the sarcasm: “Oh dear, I think I am becoming a God.” This kind of narcissism just amuses the hell out of me. He declares himself so brave and so humble as he enters “rough terrain, uncharted landscape and lonely woods.” But don’t worry, he is well prepared for “biggest and most important challenge of my life” because God is on his side and he on God’s side. Such courage.