I Heart William Tapley

I find William Tapley endlessly entertaining. The self-declared “third eagle of the apocalypse” makes these bizarre Youtube videos pointing out symbolism that no one else sees and relates it all to the Bible and the “end times.” In this video, he finds information about what the Illuminati has planned in, of all places, a Miracle Whip commercial.

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About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • Kevin Kehres

    OK, which one of us is color blind? He says Mary is in a ‘blue mantle’, but I see green.

  • busterggi

    I tap William S. Hart but you don’t see me gettingall sloppy about it.

  • matty1

    Don’t forget he is also co-prophet of the end times. I still wonder how many people are needed to make a full prophet and who the other co-prophets are.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    matty1 “Don’t forget he is also co-prophet of the end times. I still wonder how many people are needed to make a full prophet and who the other co-prophets are.”

    It’s really quite simple. He joins together with four other co-prophets, forming Prophetron.

  • dhall

    Stacy didn’t look all that masculine, but hey, her name is ALMOST an anagram of Satan. Close enough, I guess.

  • Mobius

    Proof that you can find the appearance of signal in any noise.

    I recall the kerfuffle about the Proctor and Gamble logo and the number 666. I did a little experiment, generating random arrangements of 13 dots in a square. One could almost always connect the dots into 666. Jeez.

  • Kevin Kehres

    The saddest part of all of this is that this obviously demented being has a large following of YouTubers who actually buy this nonsense and agree with him.

    Demon-haunted world, indeed. We miss you, Carl Sagan.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Mobius “I did a little experiment, generating random arrangements of 13 dots in a square. One could almost always connect the dots into 666.”

    AND YOU THINK THATS A COINCIDENCE?!!!

  • Cal

    Was it just me or does everyone automatically add “Satan” to every sentence he starts with “Could it be..” ? It helps if you do the voice,,,,

  • tomc5

    But the Salvation Army wears red and black! Those monsters.

  • billydee

    Thank god it wasn’t Hell-man’s mayonnaise.

  • blf

    Miracle Whip is evil. He might be on to something here, even if only in stuck clock mode…

  • Scientismist

    At least half of the devilish (and saintly) motifs this guy sees in that commercial were almost certainly deliberately included by the writers (though getting 666 from 16 deviled egg halves was impressive). The real fun is that Tapley appears completely unaware that the entire point is to make fun of exactly the kind of witch hunting he is doing. Now I have to go hunt down Stacy’s recipe.

  • congenital cynic

    This guy gives “delusional” a bad name. His own special brand of nutty. One wonders what the first and second eagle are like.

  • howardhershey

    OTOH, the commercial might just be a play on or parody of the idea of “deviled” eggs, which is made, after all, with mayonnaise. Apparently it is only in the U.S. that the name “deviled” eggs is commonly used. In most of Europe it is called “stuffed” (in the local language) eggs or “Russian” eggs. In France they are ‘oeuf mimosa’ (I have no idea why ‘mimosa’). In Sweden, “fyllda agg” is a traditional dish at Easter.

    The descriptive “deviled” refers to its ‘spiciness’ or ‘zestiness’ (well before sriracha sauce became popular; I guess mustard and pepper were enough to be ‘of the devil’ in the 17-1800s when it came to heat) and, when used in a church function in the American South, they were sometimes renamed “angel eggs” — apparently because they didn’t remember what the descriptive really means any more than this idiot savant who can find omens in commercials. That said, I agree that the “third eagle of the apocalypse” is hilarious.

    http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2182/whats-up-with-deviled-eggs-ham-etc

  • congenital cynic

    If he really believes this shit, he’s amazing. “Stacy” is almost an anagram of Satan. Do “almost anagrams” ever count for anything?

    If you go from the space of “actual anagrams” to the space of “almost anagram”s, where do you erect the boundary – how many stray letters in a string length before it no longer counts? And surely this multiplies the possibility space by an enormous factor. Can we start a new puzzle for the newspaper called the “almost anagram” puzzle? That’d fuck people up really good. Tougher than a crossword any day.

  • Scientismist

    Wow! I was googling for the recipe, and found that the ad is part of a series (see the story in AdWeek), all with the same gritty guitar riff (from Band of Skulls’ “The Devil Takes Care of His Own”). I also found some discussion threads where folks were swearing off all Kraft foods because they dared to have a transvestite in an ad with the words “Proud of it”, which obviously must be a gay rights slogan. Actually, “Miracle Whip, and proud of it” is the catch phrase for the entire campaign, which featured unconventional dudes (apparently Stacy really is intended as a transvestite) making the case for MW (at a barbecue, a diner, a tailgate party, and the Church picnic). I can imagine some folks also getting uptight about the smile that the dude in the diner gives to the black short-order cook who whipped up the slaw.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Tapley points out all the details in the advertisement (clever him) but doesn’t say why the advertisement is being played, who it is aimed at, why it is aimed at them, and what they are going to do with it now that it is being played? Recognising the hidden message is a completely useless talent if he cannot answer these questions.

  • moarscienceplz

    What? Not one comment about God Almighty himself painting the Virgin of Guadalupe? I guess the churches in Europe must have been suppressing this tidbit ‘cuz it means all THEIR versions of Mary are RONG. I smell schism!

    Bwa haa haa!

  • Akira MacKenzie

    I agree, Miracle Whip are the rancid emissions from Satan’s pox-ridden member!

  • lofgren

    50% of an acronym is not “almost” an acronym.

  • gmacs

    I just about died laughing. Seriously? The bit about the black fingernails was when the hilarity hit me.

    Miracle Whip is evil.

    I agree, Miracle Whip are the rancid emissions from Satan’s pox-ridden member!

    And both of you heretics shall stew in hell along with the Nutella haters (excluding those with nut allergies).

    It’s really quite simple. He joins together with four other co-prophets, forming Prophetron.

    Actually, later a sixth green prophet will appear, with more powers than the others, who will join them. Then later this prophet will become the white prophet. If we count the Green/White prophet as two, that makes for seven prophets in total. And we all know that seven is a holy number.

    … Oh, no wait. That’s the Prophezord

  • spamamander, internet amphibian

    The Oatmeal is wise when it comes to Miracle Whip.

    http://theoatmeal.com/blog/miracle_whip

  • lorn

    I’m amazed that anyone might think that detecting witches might be as easy as looking for black fingernail polish. I figured she is a bit Goth. Everyone knows you compare their weight to a duck and …

    He broke me up when he said Stacy is almost an anagram of Satan and three (that’s three of five) of the letters are the same.

    He seems more than happy to count the eggs and to keep torturing the numbers until they get him to what he is looking for. That, and I’m not feeling the who androgyny of Stacy thing. He also, of course, is making entirely too much of the word “deviled”, which simply means spiced.

  • vereverum

    Baloney.

    The real one and only end times prophet (not co-prophet but THE one an only) is Brother Stair

    and imho much more interesting.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Stair

  • http://dontlinkmebro F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    So, they gonna Immayonnaise the Eschaton or wut?

  • birgerjohansson

    A Miracle Whip commercial is exactly where an all-mighty divine entity would want to hide important information.

    BTW -Can I pay to get to be an eagle of the Apocalypse, the way the British pay for knighthoods?

    Or is my Swedish name a non-starter, since biblical folks must have a proper English name, like Matthew or Luke?

  • birgerjohansson

    congenital cynic ,

    The first and second eagles are probably too Jewish to count. A proper Christian cannot have anything to do with such people.

  • thorarin

    So no one else is going to point out his inability to round properly? 2/3 ~ .667 if you want to stop at 3 decimal places…

  • Moggie

    birgerjohansson:

    BTW -Can I pay to get to be an eagle of the Apocalypse, the way the British pay for knighthoods?

    I’m sorry, but we’re not looking for additional eagles at the present time. However, we do have an opening for a beagle of the Apocalypse. How good is your sense of smell?

  • =8)-DX

    The funny thing with adverts like this is that many of them DO make use of a lot of the described imaging in their choice of colours, materials, actors, roles, etc.

    The advertisers TRY to put in hints like that dude found there, because it makes the advert more relatable, a product better associated with emotion (mistrust, temptation, etc.) will be remembered better.

  • edmundog

    Why is the Illuminati constantly trying to tell us what they’re up to? Are they run by the Riddler?

  • http://zenoferox.blogspot.com/ Zeno

    My brother used to consume Miracle Whip sandwiches when he was a boy: Miracle Whip slathered between two slices of white bread. That’s it. Nothing else. Usually two at a time. Perhaps he really was Satan’s spawn!

  • Curt Cameron

    Tapley did a follow-up video in which he explains more. There are 16 women at the church, but 17 men, and that means that the clergy guy is unmarried, therefore it’s a Catholic church!

    “WIlliam Tapley” is almost an anagram of “I am apeshit.”

  • Sastra

    I watched it. Part of me was saddened as I realized that the proportion of people in the last poll who would vote for an atheist is possibly smaller than the proportion of people who would vote for this guy (“look, religion is private and we shouldn’t bring it up in a campaign.”)

    But the other part of me was happy as I considered the very real possibility that the folks who made this commercial (the Miracle Whip executives, the ad agency, the actors and technicians and so forth) were going to come across this video and wham! Party time! Gather round the cast and crew and bring on the deviled eggs! Gotta get a big screen for this one.

    I hope that the bit actor who suddenly sees himself identified as the AntiChrist falls off his chair laughing — and then wants to put it on his resume. I would.

  • MartyM

    That’s it. From now on I’m never going to use a 2/3 measuring cup when I cook. Well… maybe when I make Devil Food cake.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eo.raptor.3 eoraptor

    Cal @9

    “…does everybody add the word Satan…”

    No, I add Aliens…

    Oh, and bad hair. Yeah, that’s it, aliens and bad hair.


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