Wingnut Called By God to Run for Office

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A Republican politician, Rep. Paul Lankford of Oklahoma, says that he was called by God to run for public office, solely to do His will, of course. And he’s just like the Apostle Paul in ways that are entirely unclear.

Lankford is one of seven Republicans vying to replace retiring Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK). During the GOP primary debate on June 6, the candidates were asked which biblical figure they most resembled.

“I would say Paul, for me,” Lankford responded. “I have great, great love for the writings of Paul. For me, this is a journey issue. Paul set out on a journey and did not expect where he was going. God completely interrupted his life.”

Lankford said he had served as a full time minister for 22 years before successfully running to represent Oklahoma’s 5th District in the U.S. House of Representatives in 2010.

“In 2008 and 2009, my wife and I both clearly heard God call us and say this is what I want you to do. We spent seven months struggling and praying through that. Finally, it came to the point and time where we had to say, I’m going to be an old man one day telling my grandchildren about the time I didn’t follow God if I don’t do this.”

I’d like to see the message from God, signed and notarized.

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  • Donnie

    Did anyone ask what the voice of God sounded like? Male, female, neutral? Follow up question: If the voice of God that you have heard commands you to sacrifice your first born, will you?

  • matty1

    I am shocked this has never happened before. I guess it must be real.

  • colnago80

    Gee, this putz says that he has great love for the writings of Paul. This is quite amazing, considering that many, if not most biblical scholars consider many of the writings attributed to Paul to be forgeries,

  • Nick Gotts

    And he’s just like the Apostle Paul in ways that are entirely unclear.

    Well, they’re both called Paul. You think that’s just a coincidence?

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    I was once told by God to take 15 minutes to save money on my insurance!!

     

            …Oh! Sorry! That was a little lizard thing on the TV: but hey! It amounts to the same thing, really…

  • Michael Heath

    During the GOP primary debate on June 6, the candidates were asked which biblical figure they most resembled.

    Illustrative on why the Republican party can no longer competently govern.

    I would be tempted to answer the “Church Lady”.

  • matty1

    @6 I would have insisted on a follow up question asking them which character from Star Wars they most resemble. Bonus points for those honest enough to answer Palpitane.

  • skerticus

    If God >clearly< told him what to do, why did he struggle for seven months trying to figure out what to do?

  • moarscienceplz

    Ummm, sure. Running for political office in 21st Century America is just like traveling all over the Mediterranean mostly on foot, begging for food and lodging, being repeatedly beaten and arrested, and finally being executed.

  • blf

    I;d be tempted to ask what color of crayon they use to write.

  • Menyambal

    Can we crucify him upside-down?

    Seven months? Well, by Jesus-coming-back-soon standards, that’s practically instantaneous.

    My high-school principal was hired after telling the school board that Jesus had sent him. That was one creepy, stupid git.

  • iknklast

    I’m waiting to vote for the candidate that is called by Donald Duck to run. It would make at least as much sense.

  • LightningRose

    Further evidence that the only plausible god is Loki.

  • dingojack

    I got called by god once —

    I let it go through to voicemail.

    Dingo

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “What’s a cubit?” ~ Bill Cosby

    Alternately:

    “What does God need with a politician?” ~ Bones McCoy

  • grumpyoldfart

    The biblical figure I resemble is the farmer who lost 2,000 pigs when Jesus herded them into the ocean where they drowned (Mark 5:11-13). Like that farmer, I think Jesus was a complete arsehole.

  • Sastra

    During the GOP primary debate on June 6, the candidates were asked which biblical figure they most resembled.

    I hope they followed this up with incisive questions regarding favorite color and if they were a flower, what kind of flower would they be?

    I bet the others all said they most resembled David going up against Goliath — because what Republican wingnut can resist that comparison when talking about their future role in government?

  • pixiedust

    I would have been the she-bear (or were there two?) that tore apart the 42 kids for teasing the old bald dude.

  • dingojack

    Sastra – “… if they were a flower, what kind of flower would they be?”

    I’d answer like this.

    Dingo

  • busterggi

    God would be a lot more credible if he didn’t speak only to crazy people.

  • howardhershey

    Christian mysogeny (women to shut up; can’t be priests) and anti-homosexuality (both in letters that may NOT be actually written by him) is typically attributed to Paul. Too bad he wasn’t also the apostle who was a tax collector, since tax collectors were considered to be the corrupt politicians/extortionists/Mafioso of the time. [Matthew was.] That would have made Paul a trifecta for the positions of the “Religious” Right.

  • Moon Jaguar

    God really missed an opportunity to tell EVERYONE he called Langford to run by appearing simultaneously in the minds of all humanity. Instead we have only Langford’s word for it and frankly I don’t trust that idiot any farther than I can throw him.

  • Pumako

    I’m curious if the implication of mentioning “God wanted me to run” is that God also wants them to win?

    I’ve always assumed this, and have seen nothing to dissuade me from this. The further implication then being that, by not voting for them, you are defying God’s will.

    I have to wonder if somebody that seriously believes this would consider that perhaps God (who of course “works in mysterious ways”) could have a deeper plan in mind. Perhaps he wanted the most worthless patsy to suck away votes from a more competent candidate, so that his actual favorite would win. Perhaps it goes even deeper, and that having this person run and be humiliated would eventually prevent a nuclear war or the Bills winning the Super Bowl or something.

    I’d even go one step further. If God truly did have a plan that involved them, perhaps they should STFU about revealing it. Maybe there are all kinds of people getting little hints to help God with his schemes, and this guy just decides to blab about some critical component. Next thing you know, God has to send a tornado to Oklahoma City just to get things back on track.

    Of course, all this would assume that this bozo believes what he is saying, of which I am not convinced. Still, it seems like another example of not truly thinking through their beliefs.

  • tsig

    God’s endorsement is the kiss of death.

  • weatherwax

    Which biblical figure are white male republicans like? I think their as discriminated against as the ex-leper

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U74s8nFE7No

  • Nemo

    My message to Republicans: Guys, I know it’s a rare treat for you — so rare as to seem miraculous — but, just because you have a thought, that doesn’t mean it’s God talking to you.

    Seriously though, this is reminiscent of Jaynes’ “bicameral mind” — except that, where he placed the phenomenon in the past, it looks like it’s still reality for some people today.

  • llyris

    When I was a born again Christian I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t hear God’s voice.

    I suspect that God sounds suspiciously similar to Paul Lankford, and he’s so convinced of his own importance that he hasn’t noticed that that’s weird.

  • Matrim

    @11, Menyambal

    That was Peter, Paul is generally believed to be beheaded.

  • dingojack

    Hah, that tightwad Menyambal, always stealing from Peter to pay Paul.

    Dingo