Fox News Can’t Believe We Help Those Who Don’t Speak English

Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade, easily the two dumbest men on television, are simply beside themselves at the idea that 911 emergency responders in Texas actually help people who don’t speak English. And they seem to think they’re supposed to determine whether someone is a citizen over the phone.

“They stumbled across the border illegally and now they need your help!” Fox News host Steve Doocy complained, pointing to a 911 call in Brooks County, Texas where a man who could only speak Spanish asked for a helicopter rescue because his cousin was “turning purple.”

“A small Texas town forced to answer 911 from stranded illegals in Spanish!” Doocy exclaimed.

“Not only are they understaffed and lacking resources, now they’ve got to deal with illegal immigrants who have no business being here,” co-host Brian Kilmeade opined.

Brooks County Chief Deputy Urbino “Benny” Martinez pointed out to Kilmeade that his department had a duty to respond to all 911 calls.

“So, those calls you have to respond to, even though for the most part when you get there, you realize, they’re not an American citizen?” the Fox News host pressed.

Seriously, you demented ghouls, what the fuck would you have them do? Just let someone die if they don’t have the right papers? Are they supposed to send paramedics out there but have them stop and demand citizenship papers before treating their medical problems? I’ve got a better idea: How about we stop giving medical treatment to assholes like this?

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  • blf

    And they seem to think…

    What in the multiverses gave you that idea?

  • Chiroptera

    Seriously, you demented ghouls, what the fuck would you have them do? Just let someone die if they don’t have the right papers?

    Uh, yes?

  • raven

    Seriously, you demented ghouls, what the fuck would you have them do? Just let someone die if they don’t have the right papers?

    The bible translators got it wrong. It isn’t What Would Jesus Do, but Who Would Jesus Let Die And Why.

  • Wait, if we’re not supposed to help people who don’t speak English, why did Fox News give a job to Sarah Palin?

  • Alverant

    So you can tell if someone is “illegal” if they don’t speak English? So what if someone born in one of the many ethnic neighborhoods in the US and never learns English (home schooling). Are they now “illegal”? And what about those people here illegally from English speaking countries? Oh wait, they tend to be white and the people who speak Spanish usually are not. That explains it.

    One might think there’s such a thing as “freedom of speech” in this country.

  • Funny, when it was safer to travel to Mexico, I never thought they wouldn’t treat me because I didn’t speak Spanish if I became ill. And a fair number of employees in the stores spoke English in the border towns.

  • cptdoom

    Somebody should really blow their minds and send them emergency calls from Puerto Rico.

  • coragyps

    “91.57% of the population were Hispanic or Latino of any race.” is right there in the Wikipedia article on Brooks County, Texas.

    Hell, the county seat is Falfurrias, Texas. The whole place is a TINO – Texan In Name Only. It’s been part of Mexico and New Spain since the 1500’s!

    Now 78% of the voters there picked Obama in 2012, so I can well imagine that Mr. Douchey would want to diss them…

  • D. C. Sessions

    So basically if Mr. Doocy and Mr. Kilmeade are in a bad auto wreck which is witnessed by someone who doesn’t speak English, they would prefer to die by the road rather than have help dispatched.

    Somehow I feel like channeling Goldfinger:

    “No, Mr Doocy, I expect you to die.”

  • felidae

    Maybe in their translation of the Bible the Samaritan kicked the traveler in the nuts and stole his shoes

  • coragyps: “The whole place is a TINO – Texan In Name Only.”

    Writing from south Texas, no. Hell, no. That heritage is Texas. Just as British pilgrims are Massachusetts heritage.

  • doublereed

    It was so much worse than you’re portraying. They had people begging for water, with Fox News saying “What are they supposed to do!” The Young Turks shows more. Absolutely inhuman monsters.

  • busterggi

    Wonder what they would have said had it been an Israeli speaking Hebrew?

  • matty1

    @6 I’ve traveled in southern Mexico and anyone dealing with tourists – hotel owners, guides etc will speak English.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Wait, if we’re not supposed to help people who don’t speak English, why did Fox News give a job to Sarah Palin?

    You’d almost think that it’s not about language at all, wouldn’t you?

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Off-topic: Victoria Jackson may be an idiot, but she has done some good things in her history, including playing a key role in getting Smells Like Nirvana made

    Weird Al: For whatever reason, my manager tried and tried and said he couldn’t get through [to Nirvana]. He contacted them again and again and they never got back to him. So he said, “If you want to do this parody, it’s on you. You’ve gotta talk to the band.” A friend of mine was in the cast of Saturday Night Live [UHF co-star Victoria Jackson]. I told her, if you ever get Kurt Cobain alone in a room, put him on the phone, because I’d love to talk to him — and she did! Directly! He was sweet and he got it in like five seconds and said, “Of course you can do a parody.” The famous quote from him was, “Is it going to be a song about food?” because at that point that’s primarily what I was known for. And I said, “Well, no, it’s going to be a song about how nobody can understand your lyrics.” And he said, “Oh, sure, of course, that’s funny.” That’s one of those phone conversations I wish I had recorded. I’d love to hear that myself.

  • Holytape: “If we’re not supposed to help people who don’t speak English, why did Fox News give a job to Sarah Palin?”

    Don’t tell Doocy and Not-Doocy about Fox News Latino. Their heads may explode.

    On second thought, DO tell them about Fox News Latino. Their heads may explode.

  • Since when has PSAPs only responded to American citizens?

  • Pumako

    My girlfriend had a medical emergency when we were traveling in Italy a few years ago. Neither of us speak a word of Italian (unless it has to do with food) yet she got wonderful medical attention.

    I’ll let her know that it would be better if she were dead now, at least according to these twits.

  • otrame

    The part about “in SPANISH!!!!111111eleventy-one!!!” is, of course, a deliberate attempt at racist fear mongering, but it may have roots in people not knowing what it is like in the southern parts of the border states. I remember my ex-father-in-law (from rural Wisconsin) noting the large number of billboards in Spanish here in San Antonio. He grumbled about them, then said, “Why don’t they put them in English so everyone can read them.” I said, “Well, most people in this town can read them. That one says you need to be sure to vaccinate your kids.”

    Then he fed me the best straight line I ever got. Seeing a young Hispanic girl crossing the street he said, “What’s your biggest minority here, blacks or Mexicans?” I said, “Actually the biggest minority in this town is Anglos.” he said, “What the hell is ‘Anglos’? I told him, smiling sweetly, “You are.”

    Good times.

  • I’ll second what Otrame said about Texas. But.. I’m leery of applying that to the border states generally. Arizona has a very different feel. Partly because its border is not so populous. Partly, I suspect, just the deeper history of south Texas.

  • coragyps

    rturpin @ 11 – of course you are correct. It’s the anglo shitheads up here in the more northern parts of the state that don’t acknowledge that fact.

  • In the LA Times, last week.

    Doocy should be thrilled that so many immigrants are dying horrid deaths in Brooks County.

  • Fox News, trying to bring “papers, please” to all of America. (*)

    “demented ghouls” sounds about right.

    (*) Not just for Arizona anymore!

  • magistramarla

    Like Otrame, I live in San Antonio.

    These two would be floored at the number of huge, beautiful homes I have visited here and in Houston in which one or more of the residents only speak Spanish.

    Many of my children’s friends had grandparents living in their homes who had lived here for decades, but never learned English. My kids thought it was great and loved to eat meals in those homes, both for the great food that the grandmas served and to practice speaking Spanish.

    Hearing Spanish being spoken in the mall, grocery store or doctor’s office is simply the norm here. I’ve visited Hawaii and lived in California, and found that in those places, hearing Japanese or another Asian language is part of the background of daily life.

    When I was a child in the St. Louis area, there was a part of town known as Little Italy, and a few of my friends had grandmas who spoke only Italian. (Great food to be had in those homes, I tell ya!) In the city of St. Louis, there were all sorts of ethnic areas, from German to Jewish.

    It’s just part of the melting pot that is our culture. The older generation clings to their language and culture, as the next generation or two become assimilated into the American culture.

    IMO, this is what makes traveling in this country fun – diversity!

  • Gvlgeologist, FCD

    You gotta remember that this is the same political faction that cheered at the idea of a man dying without health insurance and cheering executions, so this is hardly surprising.

  • JPS

    Re: places where non-English languages are spoken:

    Some decades ago when I was in the Navy we had just returned from a Mediterranean cruise. On liberty in our ports of call I usually took public transportation, and had become accustomed to hearing Italian or Spanish or other languages around me.

    When we returned to the US on our first liberty I took the bus into town. For a few minutes the experience was familiar and strange at the same time. There was a South American ship in port on a visit and several sailors from that ship had boarded the bus and were speaking Spanish among themselves. I was confused for a moment: It was like being in the Med, but we weren’t!.

  • sundiver

    I recall a tale of a woman in a checkout line telling two women ahead of them to “speak English, we’re in America” only to be told “we’re speaking Navaho, go back to England”.

  • iangould

    “So you can tell if someone is “illegal” if they don’t speak English? So what if someone born in one of the many ethnic neighborhoods in the US and never learns English (home schooling). Are they now “illegal”?”

    For that matter, what about the millions of Mexican citizens who legally visit Texas every year?

  • lakitha tolbert

    I’m from the midwest and theres a huge Eastern European population living here (Russian, Ukranian, Polish) and quite a lot of them don’t speak English. What’s Fox News answer for them?

    Does Ebonics count?

    And if it’s only Spanish they object to, then which versions of Spanish should we be policing? Do people from Spain get a pass? People from Puerto Rico?

    Somebody please, tell me what these crazy rules are!!!!

  • smrnda

    I find it amazing – I have actually had people comment that speaking languages other than English should be made illegal, and they seem blown away that speech in a language other than English might be protected by the First Amendment. I wonder if the *English only* crowd will eventually devolve into assaults on people using ASL or braille.

  • dingojack

    smrnda – Wait now. Who speaks braille? 🙂

    For these yahoos Is writing in a funny furrin language OK, but speaking in one taboo*?

    Wouldn’t preventing a culture from speaking their own language be considered a form of destroying the cultural identity of a group of persons, you know, genocide?



    * from Tongan or Fijian circa 1770-80. Is this ‘English’ enough, or not? Which are the ‘truly English’ languages, Brythonic or Anglo-Saxon dialects? Enquiring minds….