‘Dr’ Alex McFarland is a Genius

“Dr” Alex McFarland is the director of the Center for Christian Worldview and Apologetics at North Greenville University. He isn’t actually a doctor, though. In fact, he was awarded an honorary doctorate by the Southern Evangelical Seminary the same year he was named its president, which sounds totally legit. But you can’t put anything past him.

In the wake of the tragic downing by a surface-to-air missile of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17, author, apologist and culture expert Dr. Alex McFarland is concerned that American planes could be vulnerable to the same kind of terrorist act.

“Here’s this rocket that took down an airplane that was thousands of feet in the air,” says McFarland. “With technology today there could be terrorists very far away from an airport who could accurately draw a bead on a passenger plane and bring it down.”

Wow. He just discovered that airplanes can be shot down. Better late than never, I suppose. And he knows how to prevent it:

“We’ve got to stop murdering three thousand babies a day in abortion mills,” he says. “We need a president and elected officials that not only will follow the American rule of law but the law of God and stand for marriage, and not the sodomy and immorality that’s been foisted on the America people by a 45-year marketing campaign called the gay agenda.”

McFarland says to ensure that the next terrorist act is not Americans being assassinated on American soil, the country’s leaders and citizens should immediately turn to God.

Yeah, cuz that will totally stop those rockets from shooting down planes.

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About Ed Brayton

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

  • alanb

    Although I’m sure others do it, right-wing Christians are the only ones that I’ve come across that use the title “Dr.” on the basis of an honorary degree. Can you imagine the reaction if our President started calling himself “Dr. Obama” after getting an honorary degree?

  • Al Dente

    God has a pretty poor record of protecting those who “turn” to him.

  • tbp1

    @#1: I’ve always hated it when people do that. Heck, my wife and have legit Ph.D.s and don’t refer to ourselves as “Dr.” outside of appropriate professional contexts.

  • dmcclean

    McFarland says to ensure that the next terrorist act is not Americans being assassinated on American soil, the country’s leaders and citizens should immediately turn to God.

    If he really said that it’s difficult not to see it as a threat.

  • dcsohl

    Is it just me or does this sound like a threat? “Better stop abortions an gay marriage or … uh … somebody is gonna start shooting planes down on American soil!”

  • Reginald Selkirk

    apologist and culture expert Dr. Alex McFarland is concerned that American planes could be vulnerable to the same kind of terrorist act.

    He should get together with Ted Cruz and work this out. Cruz thinks recognizing and avoiding this possibility is giving in to terrorists.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    You call this genius? How standards have fallen.

    Here’s some real genius:

    Invention fills and ties 100 water balloons in less than a minute

  • Al Dente

    alanb @1

    Can you imagine the reaction if our President started calling himself “Dr. Obama” after getting an honorary degree?

    Obama has a Juris Doctor (JD) degree from Harvard so he can legitimately call himself Dr. Obama. But like most lawyers, he doesn’t.

  • cptdoom

    McFarland isn’t even being original here – this is just a retread of one of Jerry Fallwell’s greatest hits. Of course back then it was terrorists flying planes into buildings, but it was still the fault of all Americans who didn’t kowtow to the correct perversion of religion.

  • Chiroptera

    …Dr. Alex McFarland is concerned that American planes could be vulnerable to the same kind of terrorist act…

    …by child refugees!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Yeah, cuz that will totally stop those rockets from shooting down planes.

    EVER SINCE I TURNED TO GOD NO ONE HAS SHOT ME DOWN!!! CHECKMATE ATHIESTS!!!

  • cag

    immediately turn to God.

    If god is everywhere, how does one “turn” to god?

    If god is everywhere, then he is up my rectum. Doesn’t that mean that god is gay?

  • John Pieret

    Modus:

    EVER SINCE I TURNED TO GOD NO ONE HAS SHOT ME DOWN!!! CHECKMATE ATHIESTS!!!

    When was the last time you flew over Ukraine?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    John Pieret “When was the last time you flew over Ukraine?”

    NEVER!!! AND WHY WOULD I?!!! I ONLY FLY TO AMERICA AND IM ALREADY THERE!!!

  • Trebuchet

    Note that the terrorists in question are undoubtedly Orthodox Christians who were provided a sophisticated weapon by that noted gay-lover, Vladimir Putin. You know, the guy the Christian Right has been so much in love with the past couple of years.

  • moarscienceplz

    McFarland is right. Any day now, I’m sure one of those Honduran children is going to smuggle a truck-mounted SAM across the border and shoot down some of our planes.

    (/sarcasm)

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    moarscienceplz “McFarland is right. Any day now, I’m sure one of those Honduran children is going to smuggle a truck-mounted SAM across the border and shoot down some of our planes.”

    Actually, if history is any guide, in a few generations those Honduran’s great-grandkids will stand on this side of the border trying to keep the next wave out*.

     

    * “They don’t have good, solid, down-to-Earth American names, like Pineda, Cardona or Tabora, or the good, solid, down-to-Earth American Values that come with them! And, to all those eye-leegal immigrants out there stealing our jobs and mooching off the welfare; this is ‘Merika, speak English rightly like we does! Booo! Go home, Antarctican!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/dal.bryn dalbryn

    I always hear about these honorary doctorates. How do I get one?

  • dugglebogey

    This is new to me. I had no idea surface to air missiles were powered by buttsex.


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