Man, it must be a really slow news day over at CNN. Or maybe they’re just waiting for another Malaysian airliner to disappear or get shot down. So what are they reporting in the meantime? They’re reporting on what “psychics” think about where the stock market is going.
What does the future hold for the stock market?
To answer this question, you could ask an investment strategist. Or you could consult a psychic.
Well yes, you could do that, but only if you want to lose your money.
CNNMoney asked three psychics for their market predictions. Here’s what we learned.
‘The devil card.’ Thomas John, a medium and clairvoyant based in New York, said the S&P 500 will rise above 2,100 by November or December. That’s about 6% above current levels. “YIKES!” he exclaimed.
He said he took 20 minutes to “light a candle and do some meditation,” before firing off an email to CNNMoney with his predictions.
The candles are the key. Sandalwood is particularly good for predicting our economic future.
John said he has advised clients on their investment decisions before.
When a hedge fund asked for his predictions in 2007, John said he saw the name “Lehman Brothers” and that it was under the “devil card,” indicating death or tragedy.
He declined to name the hedge fund or whether it made any moves before Lehman went bankrupt in 2008.
A totally unverifiable claim to support his alleged powers, how entirely unsurprising. And it’s not like he has any incentive to lie about it or anything. Is there an adult in charge at CNN?