Beck: I’m Not a Prophet, but I’m Kind Of a Prophet

Glenn Beck is doing his usual fake humility routine, simultaneously saying that he isn’t a prophet and is just a normal guy and that he’s been given a message directly by God and that if we don’t listen to it, we’re all doomed. Doomed, I tell you!

“I am not some prophet,” Beck declared (which was news to us). “If you look, however, at my record, you would think that I am. I’m not. I look at the facts.”

While other people are freaking out over what is happening today, Beck is always more worried about what is coming tomorrow because “the one gift that I do have is to see over the horizon” … and what he sees coming our way next is absolute destruction.

“This is the last hurdle,” he proclaimed. “If we don’t listen to this last warning, if this exit is missed, we are done.”

Your record? Your record is of declaring every few months that you’re going to reveal something very soon that is going to shake the world and then failing to deliver on it. Your record is of defaming innocent people by claiming to have evidence that they are terrorists and that you’ll soon reveal that evidence — and then, again, failing to do so and being completely wrong.


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  • holytape

    Hey, be fair. Dear old Glenn never said he was a particularly good prophet.

  • Dave Maier

    What’s that “Day 133” thing? Or don’t I want to know?

  • flex

    Hey, be fair. Dear old Glenn never said he was a particularly good prophet.

    But he does make a particularly good profit.

  • D. C. Sessions

    And then there’s that great investment opportunity in gold coins …

  • raven

    “If you look, however, at my record, you would think that I am. (A prophet)

    If you look at Beck’s record you find:

    1. Some of his news stories are completely made up.

    2. Very little that he says will happen ever happens. In fact, it may be zero. (Maybe someone is keeping track but I’m not. Glenn Beck isn’t worth the time.)

    3. He has a long history of bizarre and erratic behavior, dating back to the start of his career when he was…a Top 40 radio DJ.

  • Kevin, Youhao Huo Mao

    @Dave Maier:

    An ex-marine illegally entered Mexico with a bunch of guns in his trunk, was arrested and charged in Mexico for committing the crime of gun-running.

    He claims he got lost – despite the warning signs on the road he would have had to have been driving on.

    The Right-Wingers have glommed onto his story as a kind of hypocrisy against Obama. The President got Bergdahl out of the Taliban prison, why isn’t he doing the same for Tahmooressi?!

  • Kevin, Youhao Huo Mao
  • a_ray_in_dilbert_space

    I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and prophesy that Ol’ Glenn will continue to say astoundingly stupid shit.

  • Phillip IV

    Well, I guess it’s par for the (false humility) course – he says he isn’t a prophet and it means he is. Just like when somebody of his ilk says “I’m just a sinner, like everyone else” to mean “I’m better than all of you!”.

  • dugglebogey

    Did he see “over the horizon” that Fox was going to can him because they couldn’t find a single advertiser that wasn’t a scam outfit that would advertise on his programs?

  • tsig

    “While other people are freaking out over what is happening today, i’m freaking out over what will never happen”

  • matty1

    I think for Mormons the term prophet is reserved for the leader of the church. He may be trying to reasure the heirarchy that he isn’t out to set up a rival outfit

  • D. C. Sessions

    Some people see things as they are, and say “why?”

    Others dream things as they never were and say, “why not?”

    Still others see things as they can never be and say, “oh, wow, man!”

    Or, in Beck’s case, “send me only $…”

  • lorn

    … ” if this exit is missed, we are done.”

    “So let it be written. So let it be done.” Ramses II – movie “The Ten Commandments” 1956.

  • Electric Shaman

    Beck: I look at the facts

    The Glenn Beck Business Model

    1) Look at the facts

    2) Get mad at the facts

    3) Make up some bullshit, out of spite towards the facts

    4) Spread bullshit through various media

    5) Profit

    Sadly this model seems to be working quite well for him

  • felidae

    Fake prophets, as in the case of Beck, can generate large profits from the credulous By the way, Tahmooressi was reportedly a good customer of one of TJ’s hookers