Future Congressman Loves Fake Founding Fathers Quotes

It has always amused me that right wing politicians who claim to love the Constitution almost invariably know next to nothing about it, and those who pretend to revere the Founding Fathers so much continually use fake quotes from them. Jody Hice, who is going to be the next Republican congressman from Georgia, is no exception.

Andrew Kaczynski pulled a whole bunch of fake quotes from Hice’s Facebook page, starting with the infamous “quote” from Jefferson:

That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves.

Except Jefferson didn’t say this, Henry David Thoreau did. And another fake Jefferson quote:

“Most Bad Government has grown out of Too Much Government.”

This actually comes from a speech about Jefferson from 1913. Jefferson never said it. I find it especially amusing to hear politicians “quote” Patrick Henry about how wonderful the Constitution is, like this one:

The Constitution is NOT an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government — lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.

Hice is apparently blissfully ignorant of the fact that Henry opposed the passage of the Constitution, arguing that, in fact, it was an instrument to restrain the people. There are also fake quotes from Ben Franklin and John Quincy Adams.

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  • Chiroptera

    That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves.

    Yeah, and aside from it’s being fake, conservative don’t even follow the sentiments of the quote. When people don’t discipline themselves and become gay or atheist or feminist, then it’s suddenly, “Ya know, the government needs to do more governing.”

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you.” ~ John Quincy Adams Family

  • http://composer99.blogspot.ca composer99

    Is this like quoting Abraham Lincoln as saying “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet”, only forgetting it’s a joke?

  • John Pieret

    That government is best which governs me the least, but keeps the rest of you in line.

    FTFY

  • grumpyoldfart

    During the Cold War we used to laugh at the Russians when they tried to change history by air brushing key characters into and out of photographs. Now we are laughing at you clowns.

  • Chiroptera

    “Shut the hell up, right wingers!” — George Washington

  • sugarfrosted

    OOH OOH I HAVE A FAKE JEFFERSON QUOTE!

    “Yeehaw, Let’s bomb them a-rabs” — Thomas Jefferson on The Barbary Pirates.

  • Hoosier X

    “Conservatives are a bunch of disease-ridden Dumb-Asses who should have their Insides burned out with a hot Poker.” — James Madison

    “I swear to god this is a real quote!” — Patrick Henry

  • http://zenoferox.blogspot.com/ Zeno

    Fake quotes are fun! And so flexible! The real quotes from the Founding Fathers just don’t work as well!

  • fmitchell

    Honestly I don’t give a damn what Thomas Jefferson or Patrick Henry said about government. In their time only white male landowners could vote, muzzle-loaded flintlocks were state of the art, communications moved at the speed of a horse or boat, and there were no states west of the Mississippi (just territories). After an industrial revolution, a civil war, “Manifest Destiny”, genocide or forced relocation of Native Americans, two world wars, an ongoing Civil Rights struggle, and a profusion of computational and communication technologies it’s not their country anymore.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    I would seriously love to be the democrat running against this guy.

    My TV ad?

    “Thou shalt knowest the Republic is doomed by the hand of Nature’s God when a man named Hice is elected to Our Divine Congress by the Republican Party, from a state east of the Land of Lincoln. I pray that every time a man so-named is nominated by the Republican Party, that his electorate shall remember this warning, given to them, though I sayeth so myself, by their greatest constitutional scholar, third President of these United States, and wealthiest self-made citizen of the 18th, 19th, or 20th centuries, who believest in the Great Good of Free Markets as divined by Adam Smith in his “Wealth of Nations” (as it lately has become known), a masterwork even surpassing the collective genius of the entire Vienna School of economists.”

    This prescient warning was delivered to us by a person no less great than Thomas Jefferson himself on March 8, 1775. This man, preparing to fight against the greatest army of his age, gave us a lesser task, defeating Jody Hice and all republicans who share his name.

    Within a week Benjamin Franklin agreed saying,

    “I have never in my life read a political document as brilliant as Jefferson’s prose in our Nation’s Constitution. I have never in my life heard a political orator as great as our Senate’s own Daniel Webster. And I have never in my life held a political pamphlet so wildly successful at shaping the discursive landscape of a nation as Paine’s Common Sense.

    Yet, for practical advice on the necessities of successful governance, indeed on the requirements of national survival, never have I heard something to match President Jefferson’s advice that we must, now and forever, reject any man named Hice who may choose, now or in the future, to run for federal office as a Republican.”

    I agree with Thomas Jefferson. I agree with Benjamin Franklin. I stand proudly with the founders of our nation in calling for the rejection of candidate Jody Hice. I am Crip Dyke, and I endorse the message of the founding fathers, and this message to you.