Jesus Vague Appearance World Tour Comes to Michigan

Oh, this story makes me all atwitter with excitement. The Jesus Vague Appearance World Tour has apparently come to Michigan, where Jesus made an appearance in a pierogi at a church in Ecorse. And it’s apparently a “good sign” after a church festival was cut short by strong thunderstorms.

The St. Andre Bessette Church Festival is going on right now, but during the festival Saturday, Chairman Robert Hellar says someone brought him a piergoi with “the face of Jesus” on it.

“I was in the taco booth making taco’s, and they came up to me and said ‘Jesus love polish food more than Mexican food’ and I asked why,” Heller said.

That’s when he saw the pierogi.

“I was shocked. I looked at it, and you can definitely see the face of Jesus,” Heller said.

Except that Jesus didn’t actually look like that. You know who it does look a bit like? Charles Manson. And I’m amused that these appearances are always a positive message. A huge storm forced them to end the festival at which this occurred, so why don’t they see this as evidence that God is angry with them? Oh, right, because God only gets angry at other people, especially gay people.

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  • AndrewD

    When is someone going to produce a T-shirt for Jesus’s vague apperances world tour?

  • Raging Bee

    …where Jesus made an appearance in a pierogi at a church in Ecorse.

    Witnesses said it was delicious.

  • Raging Bee

    Looks like Rasputin with Charles Manson’s hair.

  • colnago80

    Yeah, it really does look like Charlie Manson.

  • D. C. Sessions

    I once had Jesus appear on one of my shoes.

    Trouble is, it was Phoenix on a summer day and there was no way to either go barefoot for more than a short distance, nor to hop on the other foot. So I reluctantly scraped him off and went about my way.

  • d.c.wilson

    Looks like Father Guido Sarducci to me.

  • John Pieret

    Jesus: “Here I come all the way back to Earth and all I get is this lousy pierogi?”

  • Modusoperandi

    They knew it had to be Jesus becase after it was cooked it floated on the water.


    That’s when he saw the pierogi.

    Hey! They stole that from my political thriller, The Ecorse Pierogi.

  • dugglebogey

    What reporter doesn’t know that the plural of taco isn’t “taco’s,” it’s “tacos.”

  • dugglebogey

    Oh shit, they did the same thing with “Parishoner’s.”

    Such is the state of journalism.

  • Trebuchet

    It really does look like Manson.

    Meanwhile, someone at WXYZ was clearly a greengrocer in a past life. They love them some apostrophe’s.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    That run-on sentence wrapping up the linked article would never have gotten through at my high school newspaper.

    And I doubt burning a pierogi like that would have gotten a passing grade in a home ec class.

  • eoraptor

    What are you guys talking about?!? If that isn’t Cheech Marin, I’m a left-footed boobie lost in Salt Lake.

  • Georgia Sam

    I say that’s definitely Charles Manson.

  • cottonnero

    That’s Shan Yu, the villain from the Mulan movie.

  • cottonnero

    Or Jim Croce?

  • timgueguen

    “Sir, Jesus is on line one.”

    “Jeez, what the hell does he want this time? Okay, Gabriel, put him on.”

    “Dad, Dad, ya gotta fix my powers! I tried to manifest myself in the middle of the field during the 7th inning stretch at the Detroit Tigers game, but all that happened was my face appeared on some dumpling. And it wasn’t even a good likeness.”

    “Well, you’re just gonna have to wait! What do you think I am, the omnipotent creator of the Universe or something? I’m still trying to figure why my smiting powers keep hitting all those trailer parks, when the pastors want me to smite the gays in San Francisco.”

  • Crudely Wrott

    Jesus didn’t have that much hair.

    For a moment I thought it was Joe Pesci or perhaps Yule Brenner in stage makeup.

    Then, I saw it: it’s Frank Zappa, no doubt about it.

  • Sharon Resst

    So cool that this pierogi made it to the David Letterman show 9/12/14