More Trouble in Mark Driscoll World

Mark Driscoll’s Mars Hill church empire continues to crumble. They’ve fired a pastor who called for Driscoll to step down and Libby Anne highlights some truly bizarre passages from internet messages Driscoll made years ago under various pseudonyms. This one is just plain creepy:

The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.

While His penis is on loan you must admit that it is sort of just hanging out there very lonely as if it needed a home, sort of like a man wondering the streets looking for a house to live in. Knowing that His penis would need a home, God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home…

Therefore, if you are single you must remember that your penis is homeless and needs a home. But, though you may believe your hand is shaped like a home, it is not. And, though women other than your wife may look like a home, to rest there would be breaking into another man’s home. And, if you look at a man it is quite obvious that what a homeless man does not need is another man without a home…

Paul tells us that your penis actually belongs to your wife, and once you are married she will trade you it for her home (I Corinthians 7:4), and every man knows this is a very good trade for him to make.

With his penis, the man is supposed to learn to please his wife and learn how to be patient, self-controlled and be educated on how to keep his home happy and joyous (I Corinthians 7:3). The man should be aroused by his new home, and the wife should rejoice at seeing his penis rise to greet her (Song of Songs 5:14b).

Well there you have it, ladies. You’re just a home for penises.

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  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    Over the weekend, Mars Hill said that “negative media attention” had caused financial difficulties, and announced that it would consolidate several branches and lay off employees.

    *sigh* Example number 315914623 of how to not take responsibility. Do anything to blame someone else for your problems. Their problems come from “negative media attention”, not “our leader is a misogynist authoritarian asshole who needs to keep his mouth shut and his hands off a keyboard.”

  • sh3baproject

    what if my penis decides to con other penises and use the money to build a conning empire?

  • Pierce R. Butler

    … the man is supposed to learn to please his wife and learn how to be patient, self-controlled and be educated on how to keep his home happy and joyous …

    So Driscoll supports universal sex education – and not just for health and birth control, but erotic technique! Way beyond what happens in even the most liberal of classrooms…

    No wonder he can’t get any help from his brethren of the cloth.

  • raven

    Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.

    You could say the same thing about your brain or feet. “God owns your feet and you are simply borrowing them for a while.”

    Or your whole body. “God owns your body and you are simply borrowing it for a while.

    Well so what. I suppose this makes you god’s slave or something. But god never asks for your body back or tells it to do something, most likely because god doesn’t even exist.

    PS Driscoll really doesn’t make sense here. It’s either gibberish or a deepity, something that sounds profound while being meaningless.

  • raven

    Driscoll calling women “penis homes” isn’t any different from the official dogma of a lot of xian cults.

    The Mormons especially, Catholic church, and a lot of fundie-ism are profoundly misogynistic as a matter of official doctrine. Women who dispute that are lucky to be excommunicated. In times past, they might be burnt at the stake.

    They don’t call them penis homes. They call them ambulatory baby factories (by the way they treat them). And are always shocked when the baby factories show signs of intelligence and independent activity.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @ raven

    How about a gibbering deepitiditiy? A deep gibber? A gibbon with intellectual pretensions?

    In truth, it’s very easy to decode what Driscoll is saying: “Bend over and take it, b*tch.”

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    I’ll say one thing for this obsessive creep: he’s evenhanded in his dehumanization. Yes, he tells women their bodies are for someone else’s use — but he also tells us men that certain parts of our own bodies belong to someone else too. That makes him a more “egalitarian” obsessive creep.

  • coragyps

    God’s penis? Really?

    “His Schwanszstucker would be ENORMOUS!”

  • colnago80

    Hey, is god cut? Son Yeshua was on New Years Day.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @ coragyps

    Woof!

  • Reginald Selkirk

    He needs to team up with Ray Comfort.

    “Ladies, that is not your banana, it is God’s banana. You are simply borrowing it for a while. And God’s banana needs a home…”

  • jasmyn

    Further misogyny, the only reason not to have an affair is because it’s breaking and entering into another man’s home. The cheater’s wife* isn’t even mentioned!

    *This is only assuming that the couple is monogamous.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    And I’ve been staying in hotels this whole time! Not good hotels, either. Musty and mildewed, mostly, and one had a big spider in the corner. And those are not euphemisms.

  • dingojack

    So – did god make assholes to give penises alternative accommodation in case they got locked out?

    Enquiring gays minds need to know Mark.

    😉 Dingo

    ———

    This keeps going through my head (but that’s another story).

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @ dingojack

    No, god made assholes (the human kind) to provide a life support system for many dicks.

    @ coragyps

    Forgot this one: “Ah sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you…”

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    So, adultery is just your penis taking a vacation and masturation is camping out.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    Driscoll has long been know for his misogynist theology; Mars Hill is what you get when a pack of MRAs decide to open a religious con job. And its cultishness has been noted for years. It is really no surprise that it’s collapsing.

  • rogerstanyard

    Yer, I’ve taken Driscoll’s advice. I’ve got a giant cancer tumour and I’m not going to get it removed because it belongs to God. No goddam liberul commie is going to socialize it.

    PS does it make ang difference if it is on the end of my willie?

  • markr1957

    Sounds to me like Driscoll is making up bad excuses for getting caught cheating – “God made my his penis do it”.

  • matty1

    God owns your brain and doesn’t want you to use it too much in case you wear it out – that explains Driscoll perfectly.

  • anubisprime

    The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis.

    Oookaaay!…gods joy stick…got it…

    Paul tells us that your penis actually belongs to your wife,

    kindda

    Sooooo!…Not gods jotstick then?

    With his penis, the man is supposed to learn to please his wife and learn how to be patient, self-controlled and be educated on how to keep his home happy and joyous

    Now I have lost ya sherlock…neither god’s, not the missus owns it…tis that of the the owner…

    Seems you have a little trouble in a definitive statement there padre/grifter/other, three different owners in as many incoherent paragraphs…cogency is not your strong point is it?

    Inconsistency should be used subtle like to blind those of little brain…seems you missed ‘bullshite flinging 101’…probably playing with ya dick that day!…

  • iangould

    “Your penis belongs to your wife.”

    Just ask Lorena Bobbitt.

  • david

    “it is sort of just hanging out there” – Most of the time, mine is in my pants.

  • Crudely Wrott

    I have suspected the truth of the matter for some time. Only I never had such direct confirmation, such worthy evidence; I had never, ever have heard it all put so simply, so explicitly, so plainly.

    Thanks to Mr. Driscoll it now becomes perfectly clear:

    It really is all about the fucking!!!!

    Thanks, Mark, for parting the veil.

    *stupid fuck has no idea what his dick is for but knows all about what vaginas are for . . . parking privileges!**

    __

    *What other body parts is he so out of touch with? An ankle, for instance? Or if more likely, a patella or an ulna. Perhaps a lung? No. All keratin exudes, all over his body! Maybe that little web between first finger and thumb? His lips?**

    __

    **What’s the ugliest part of your body?

    Some say your nose,

    Some say your toes

    But I think it’s your mind.

    —Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, Lumpy Gravy, perhaps . . . it’s been so long I’m only sure about the Zappa part.

    Driscoll, consider yourself, and your little friend, Zapped!!!

  • dono

    #24–I’m thinking “We’re Only In It For the Money.” Either way, the quote is apropos!

  • tfkreference

    Is the KJV bowlderized? I see nothing about erections in Song of Songs 5:14.

    “His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires..”

    I suppose ivory could be a tusk, but where is the rising?

  • http://dontlinkmebro F [i’m not here, i’m gone]

    Penises: Always with the colonizing.