Wingnut Explains How God Saved America

The Family Research Council hosted an event called Star Spangled Sunday at a Baptist church in Charlotte, North Carolina over the weekend and Kenyn Cureton, FRC’s Vice President for Church Ministries, explained how God intervened to save us from the evil British.

Kicking off the program was a video history lesson in which Kenyn Cureton, FRC’s Vice President for Church Ministries, explained the many times that God directly intervened in order to establish and save America.

As Cureton explained, when the British burned Washington during the War of 1812, God sent torrential rains, and even a tornado, to put out the flames and kill the British troops.

“God brought a storm of biblical proportions to Washington,” he said, “and unleashed it on those British invaders.”

Right. Like he providentially left a “cross” behind in the rubble of 9/11. Funny how God never intervenes to actually prevent bad things from happening, only after the fact. Surely the creator of the universe, if he really wanted to save America, could just as easily have prevented the British from burning the city in the first place. God: Always a day late and a shekel short.


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  • shouldbeworking

    Sure God saved America from the rampaging British when they burned Washington. One would think that the Teabag party would at least say ‘thank you’ for setting an example.

    I guess god only loves America, after all, he/she did nothing when the rampaging Americans burned York and Niagara.

  • Chiroptera

    Kenyn Cureton

    That name is awfully similar to “Kenyan.”

    Just sayin’.

  • d.c.wilson

    God didn’t prevent the burning of Washington in the first place because he knew gay marriage would be legal there one day. /wingnutlogic

  • ArtK

    @ d.c.wilson

    Ah, so instead of years after or miles away, God was doing some preemptive punishment. Makes sense to me.

  • Martin, heading for geezerhood

    Good grief! Who would have guessed that a simple, international rap on the knuckles would, 200 years later, become evidence for a providential deity.

  • whheydt

    Ah, yes…the “evil British”. No mention that we worked together to suppress French commerce raiding in the Caribbean in an undeclared war in 1797…just 14 years after the treaty ending our war rebelling against those same British.

  • richardelguru

    “British burned Washington during the War of 1812”

    Actually God sent the British to burn Washington in divine retribution for the Americans burning Toronto.

  • Modusoperandi

    Thank God He inconvenienced the British, leaving America safe for slavery for another fifty years.

  • alanb

    Of course, the rains didn’t come until the next day after most of the important buildings had already been destroyed. Maybe God was busy answering someone else’s prayers and couldn’t get around to it right away.

  • busterggi

    So where was god when Pearl Harbor was attacked? Oh, right, it was a Sunday when god was busy answering prayers about which teams would win football games that day.

  • iangould

    What with their Established Church and religious tests for voting and holding public offense, I would have thought the British were more Godly than the Americans back then, at least by wing nut standards.

    Maybe it was their rejection of the Sacred Biblical institution of slavery that pissed him off.

  • John Pieret

    Ummm … What existential threat to America is posed by all those trailer parks in Kansas, Missouri, Oklahoma, et al. that causes God to send tornadoes to destroy them so often?

  • dingojack

    Ian – wait now, In England ‘holding public’ is an offense!?!

    :) Dingo