The Worst ‘Christian Nation’ Argument Ever

Bryan Fischer is no stranger to staggeringly stupid arguments but this one may take the cake. On his radio show this week he claimed that the fact that we sell bacon in the United States is proof that we are officially a Christian nation. Seriously.

“You want one single item of proof that America is a Christian nation and not a Jewish nation and not an Islamic nation?” he asked. “One single bit of proof is all you need: we freely allow restaurants and grocery stores to sell and to serve bacon. That can only happen in a Christian country.”

“So the sheer fact that we freely allow the sale and consumption of bacon,” he continued, “is absolute proof that we are, in fact, a Christian nation.”

And by “absolute proof” he means…oh, who the fuck knows what he means. He certainly doesn’t.

httpv://youtu.be/ovQdL8En-Y0

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Larry

    Tasty, salty, bacon. Is there nothing it can’t do?

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Remember the old Onion headline “Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World”?

    I understand their next edition will feature the story “Japanese Look On In Confusion As Bryan Fischer Declares Them A Christian Nation.”

  • Alverant

    Restaurants are also open on the Sabbath (well most of them).

    Checkmate Fischer

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    Hmmm…

    There are kosher restaurants, therefore we are a Jewish nation

    There are vegan restaurants, therefore we are a vegan nation

    There are halal restaurants, therefore we are an Islamic nation

    Bryan Fischer must eat at McDonald’s a lot, since he obviously belongs to a clown nation.

  • Mike Morris

    There is another group that jumps to mind as having no rules against bacon – Atheists!

  • Abby Normal

    Evidently Israel is a Christian nation, as they have excellent bacon.

  • raven

    One single bit of proof is all you need: we freely allow restaurants and grocery stores to sell and to serve bacon. That can only happen in a Christian country.”

    Well the previous commenter beat me to it.

    I read somewhere that pork is sold in Israel. Who knew Israel was a xian nation.

    Same thing with Egypt. The 10% Coptic xians raise and eat…pigs.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Hmmmf. My local deli serves bacon.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    In “Judeo-Christian Values”, the “Judeo” is silent. And it’ll stay that way if the Judeos know what’s good for them.

     

    In any event, instead of bacon, I’d go with Blue Laws, proving that America is not only a Christian Nation, but is the kind founded by Puritanical, petty moralists who only experience joy by preventing others from experiencing it.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    From the link provided by Abby Normal #6:

    Aziz and I met many, many years ago. It wasn’t just salami. We’ve been friends for years.

    Who needs context?

  • Ethan Myerson

    I suppose his point is that if this were an Islamic or Jewish theocracy, restaurants would be forbidden from serving bacon. And since no such prohibition exists, this must therefore be a “Christian Nation”. Because there are literally no choices other than Islamic or Jewish Theocracy and Christian Nation.

    Except, perhaps, a secular nation whose laws are generally devised to avoid theocratic bullshit. There is that option.

  • John Pieret

    Could someone look up a good desk repair shop while I go to the hospital?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Ethan Myerson “Except, perhaps, a secular nation whose laws are generally devised to avoid theocratic bullshit. There is that option.”

    BUT SOVIET RUSSIA BANNED BACON AS BOURGEOISIE!!!

  • RickR

    “proof that America is a Christian nation and not a Jewish nation”

    I love it when they slip like this.

  • eric

    Ah, but we allow taking the Lord’s name in vain. We don’t even sell that privilege, we give it away for free! So clearly not a Christian nation.

  • Richard Smith

    @Modusoperandi (#13):

    BUT SOVIET RUSSIA BANNED BACON AS BOURGEOISIE!!!

    Mmmm… Bacon double-cheese-bourgeoise.

  • dingojack

    There’s no rule preventing the sale of shrimp either.

    Dingo

  • dugglebogey

    There are more tortilla factories in America than bacon producers.

    Checkmate!

  • ppb

    Modus@13

    You have it backwards. In Soviet Russia, bacon bans you!

  • Mike Morris

    We sell and buy mixed fabrics. We allow divorce. We allow abortion (with increasing difficulty). We allow same sex marriage (limited for now). We outlawed slavery. We allow interracial marriage.

    You know, the usual list of cafeteria Christianity bullshit we expect from asswipes like Bryan.

  • suttkus

    You can’t get bacon at Chick-fil-A. That proves they are anti-Christian! I can only assume that Bryan Fisher will now join with the gays in boycotting them.

  • Scr… Archivist

    ベーコンチーズバーガー

    http://www.mcdonalds.co.jp/quality/basic_information/menu_info.php?mid=1042

    Japan is a Christian nation? Or is the U.S. a Japanese nation? I am confused.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Argumentum ad bacon. You can’t make that kinda shit up.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant the other day, therefore we are ummmm a CHINESE NATION.

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    One can buy pork in many Muslim nations, too. And alcohol.

  • iangould

    Actually it’s proof you’re a Chinese nation.

  • iangould
  • busterggi

    What makes Foshie think that we all buy bacon to eat it? It has other uses too.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Breakfast goes in. Breakfast goes out. You can’t explain it.

  • pixiedust

    Even an Orthodox Jew can sell bacon. The prohibition is against eating pork.

    What a maroon.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000116554958 sorenkongstad

    So India (parts of eg Goa), China, Thailand, Japan and Korea are Christian nations? They have long traditions with pork recipes.

  • Crudely Wrott

    Right, Soren. And don’t forget Papua New Guinea where pig is not only food, it’s also money!

    Sadly, it’s a poor floor wax; good on the slippery, poor on the shine. Sort to like ‘ol Bryan.

  • Ichthyic

    well, I guess Weebl was right…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBoLA_BQ4tU

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @25. Gregory in Seattle : “One can buy pork in many Muslim nations, too. And alcohol.”

    You can?

    Which nations and are you talking from experience here? I am surprised.

  • matty1

    @34 I’ve only been to two Muslim countries Malaysia and Morocco but there were no issues buying a beer in either and the ethnic Chinese population in Malaysia sold plenty of pig meat in various forms. I’m also told by someone who works there that the UAE, which is stricter on religious law allows the sale of both to non-Muslims.

  • anubisprime

    Fischer’s logic bone is a busted rotting twisted friable sliver of gristle half the size of an ameoba on a rare good day, maybe he should leave it to walking and breathing at the same time, considering his situation all the detritus of the bone that has shed little shards over time and ended up as low level ambient little dissociated logic blips that now are lodged and withering in the dark corners of his flaccid brain or lying nominally dormant at the bottom of the cellular swamp that is the matrix of said ‘brain’ (sic) would only just allow that, it is the very best he can hope for, he should just cut his losses…logic he just does not do!

  • llyris

    Wouldn’t it be that USA is a Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh, Shinto… nation? Choose one?

  • greg1466

    Since Christians profess to follow a book that contains the same prohibition against pork that the Jewish and Islamic faiths follow, wouldn’t that also prove that the United States is not a Christian Nation?

  • abb3w

    Cue The United Church of Bacon; ergo, FIscher’s “bit of proof” is actually an argument more supporting that we are not a Christian nation.

  • bushrat

    The US doesn’t stop stores and people from working on Sunday…Checkmate Christians, checkmate. Now pass the bacon.