Politico: All the Bullshit That’s Fit to Print

Politico, always eager to pursue the really big stories, reached out to a bunch of astrologers for their “insight” into Chelsea Clinton’s new baby and, wouldn’t you know it, they know just by looking at some meaningless star charts exactly what the baby’s life is going to be like.

After Chelsea Clinton and Mark Mezvinsky’s daughter was born at 7:03 pm at Lenox Hill Hospital on Manhattan’s Upper East Side on Friday, POLITICO asked astrologers to weigh in on what is written in the stars for the former first daughter’s first daughter.

“She may not follow her family’s politics, but she will follow the family’s activism and social justice and finding a way to serve the world, following in that community organizing path and picking up the roots of her grandparents,”said Ophira Edut, of the AstroTwins and co-author of the book “Momstrology: The AstroTwins’ Guide to Parenting your Little One by the Stars.”

“[Charlotte] is a Libra geared towards relationships, getting along, diplomacy, judicial matters and good breeding,” said Terry Nazon, host of iHeart Radio show “Terry Nazon’s Astrology Nation.” “This little Libra will be geared towards service to others, to fighting for the underdog and for the rights of others.”

Nazon also said that the stars show that Charlotte will “make a great lawyer or judge one day.”

“Unlike most Libra’s who are social butterflies, we will not see her as superficial or casual,” she added. “Charlotte is a deep thinker and will have very few friends that she lets get close to her.”

The author of the article is Kendall Breitman, who is clearly a hack. I’ve been a journalist. If an editor asked me to write a story like that, I’d suggest a particularly tight space into which they could jam such a request.

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  • Kevin Kehres

    Appalling. Just appalling.

    I mean everyone knows as a Libra that Charlotte will be a drop-out stoner who has to go on welfare after she has her fourth child from her third different father.

    Why is it that no astrologer predicts a mundane existence for someone? In a world that is quite literally ‘average’, everyone apparently is destined by the stars to be amazingly capable and accomplished.

    Just once, I’d like to see an astrologer say, “you’ll graduate high school with a C average, have a series of relatively meaningless jobs, retire when you’re 70 because you can’t afford to retire earlier, and you’ll die at 72 of complications from the diabetes you left untreated for 30 years.” That’s an astrologer I’d pay attention to.

  • Chiroptera

    According to my Magic 8-ball:

    “Outlook good”


  • Doug Little

    Kevin @1,

    I’ve often thought the same thing about fortune cookies. You should have as many negative cookies as positive ones.

  • Morgan

    All else aside, how could even a working astrology predict that you’re “geared towards… good breeding”? “Good breeding” is a matter of the past, not the future, surely? Is this just a snobbish way of saying the kid will be polite and well-mannered? Or are they predicting she’ll be a eugenicist?

  • lofgren

    I predict this kid will lead a life of privilege and celebrity.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    they know just by looking at some meaningless star charts exactly what the baby’s life is going to be like.

    I can tell. The kid will grow up with anything it wants – because it’s going to be tapped into Chelsea’s tap into the Clinton Foundation, a multi hundred-million-dollar tax shelter. The kid will only work when and how it wants to. It will be a success at everything it tries to do because everyone is rooting for someone with wealth and power (hoping they get table scraps) and it may even go into politics. If it goes into politics it will succeed. If it goes into business it will succeed. I also predict based on the alignment of the M-86 gamma beam, that the kid will think that all of this is because of its hard work and virtuous nature.

  • birgerjohansson

    The kid might even become an Ayn Rand disciple. Because inherited wealth is a proof of brilliance.

  • iknklast

    Wow, I hadn’t heard that Libras are supposed to be social butterflies! All the other strange and wacky things about my birth sign that I don’t exhibit, this is the strangest. Anyone who knows this “Libra” (I don’t identify by my astrological sign – it has nothing to do with me) and has encountered my rather awkward social clumsiness would not describe me as a social butterfly. But then, I suppose the astrologers would attribute that to my rising star, or descending star, or the cosmic disconjunctions that were in place at the particular time and place of my birth – or some other such nonsense meant only to excuse the fact that I, along with 7+ billion others, are individuals that are totally separate from the predictions of our controlling star signs, with the exception of a handful of traits that coincidentally happen to fit us.

  • Richard Smith

    @Doug Little (#3):

    I’ve often thought the same thing about fortune cookies. You should have as many negative cookies as positive ones

    Enough bad stuff happens in bed without fortune cookies predicting even more!