Chuck Norris: Still Just Not Very Bright

Giving Chuck Norris a weekly column to spout his political opinions is a lot like giving me a vegan food cart, but the Worldnetdaily did it anyway. The result is conspiracy-laden columns full of half-baked thoughts and meaningless drivel, like this one focusing on retiring Attorney General Eric Holder. He reads a quote from Justice Ginsberg to mean the exact opposite of what she meant by it.

I know Ginsburg has said repeatedly that she will not retire, but, then again, not exactly. In her own words, she gave a rare interview to Elle magazine right before Holder resigned, in which she stated (note the time frames):

“Who do you think President Obama could appoint at this very day, given the boundaries that we have? If I resign any time this year, he could not successfully appoint anyone I would like to see in the court. [The Senate Republicans] took off the filibuster for lower federal court appointments, but it remains for this court. So anybody who thinks that if I step down, Obama could appoint someone like me, they’re misguided. As long as I can do the job full steam … I think I’ll recognize when the time comes that I can’t any longer. But now I can.”

The key phrases in her words are “at this time” and “any time this year.” But what about in 2015 or 2016?

No, actually, they’re not. Does he think it would somehow be easier in 2015 or 2016? The Republicans may well take control of the Senate in November and even if they don’t they will reduce Democratic control of that body down to perhaps a single vote. It will be much harder after the midterm elections to get a liberal Supreme Court nominee confirmed, not easier.

Are we so naïve to believe that Obama isn’t eyeing his Cabinet chess pieces to accommodate this next high-court move? Did Holder just randomly choose to step away from finishing a hallmark African-American duo’s political fight and legacy in Washington? If you believe that, I have a London Bridge to sell you in Lake Havasu City, Ariz.!

Rush Limbaugh was right when he explained, “[I]t would be much easier for Eric Holder to make the jump from private sector law firm rainmaker after six years at DOJ to the Supreme Court, than from DOJ straight to the Supreme Court.”

Uh, why? Neither Limbaugh nor Norris even attempt to explain why it would be easier to get Holder confirmed if he goes into private practice for a few months. Can you even remember the last time a Supreme Court justice came from private practice rather than either a judgeship or a government position? It’s been quite a long time. And both of them ignore the fact that Holder is 63 years old, which makes it highly unlikely that he would be nominated regardless of the situation in the Senate. Presidents these days are naming younger justices in order to maximize their impact on the Supreme Court.

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  • Reginald Selkirk

    London Bridge is in fact located in Lake Havasu City, AZ, but Chuck Norris doesn’t own it.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Giving Chuck Norris a weekly column to spout his political opinions is a lot like giving me a vegan food cart, but the Worldnetdaily did it anyway.

    WorldNutDaily gave you a vegan food cart?

  • Morgan

    I’m still stuck on trying to figure out why it requires a sinister conspiracy for a Supreme Court justice to retire at a time when a president might nominate a replacement who shares their politics.

  • Henrietta Swan

    Hey, at least at a vegan food cart, maybe you could get some good dark chocolate cake, or an infused vodka cocktail or something.

    WND is more like a hot dog cart that is out of everything except for the tank water in which the hot dogs were boiling. And they still overcharge you.

  • D. C. Sessions

    No, Ms Swan, WND is like a chicken satay cart where they’re out of chicken but serving the water from the melted ice the chicken was kept on.

    And, by the way, that’s rather close to something that actually happened.

  • Mr Ed

    Don’t worry Chuck Obama is going to do a January surprise. Late December 2016 lame duck Obama will nominate Holder to replace the retiring Ginsberg and himself to replace the recently deceased Scalia*. A democratic Senate that will get sworn in on January 3rd 17 days before Obama leaves office will approve both nominations on a voice vote.

    *Scalia having died in a very non-mysterious one car accident in late November.

  • busterggi

    Henrietta – not just the water, they also have stale buns, the same buns they’ve had since 2008.

  • Abby Normal

    Morgan, I think it’s similar to how I sinisterly consumed a bagel this morning, thereby fueling my nefarious pursuit the dreaded liberal agenda.

  • dingojack

    Mr Ed – surely, Obama will use his TMMCD* to get his long-lost dad elected — I for one will welcome our new lizard overlords!

    Dingo

    ——–

    * Obama’s Time Machine & Mind-Control Device ™

  • Nemo

    The only thing I can think of as a hypothetical reason for wanting him to leave office before the hypothetical appointment is, I remember when Kagan joined the court, she had to recuse herself from some cases she’d worked as Solicitor General. Presumably, a gap before the appointment would allow time for some of those potential conflicts to clear. Still, I’m not not sure how much is accomplished by that.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    What an idiotic theory. Everybody knows that Obama’s going to nominate Moochelle.

  • dugglebogey

    There’s always the temptation to say Chuck Norris has been kicked in the head too many times. But I think….yeah, I’m pretty sure now. He’s just an asshole.

  • mikeinohio

    Well, Chuckles shows his hand when he so casually tosses out the “hallmark African-American duo” comment. In Tea Party-speak, that translates as, “We all know you can’t trust two black guys. They’re all about oppressing the good white people, like all of us.”

  • teawithbertrand

    “Rush Limbaugh was right…”

    Now there’s a phrase you don’t hear everyday.

  • abb3w

    For the curious — the last SCOTUS justice appointed from private practice looks to have been Powell in 1971; more than half of Americans today weren’t even born then.

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    Norris is just desperately trying to keep Holder viable as the conservative boogeyman as the midterms draw near.

  • garnetstar

    I believe, Mr. Norris, that it was the Senate *Democrats* who took off the filibuster for lower-court federal appointments. Not the Republicans.

    So, not only can’t he understand Justice Ginsberg, he can’t paraphrase her either.

  • John Pieret

    C’mon! Give Chucky a break! After all, he isn’t even writing these columns!

  • caseloweraz

    Ed wrote: Giving Chuck Norris a weekly column to spout his political opinions is a lot like giving me a vegan food cart, but the Worldnetdaily did it anyway.

    I struggled to understand the import of this simile. But then a light dawned. I realized that Ed had forgotten to hold down the shift key when typing “vegan.” What he meant to type was “Vegan food cart.” Siriusly.