Wiles: Obama Might Create Zombie Cannibals

Wingnut conspiracy theorist and Christian fascist extraordinaire Rick Wiles has a new dystopic delusion. He thinks the government may be working on creating an army of zombie cannibals. I’m sure it’s all part of their plot to destroy Christianity and put god in Gitmo, or something.

End Times broadcaster Rick Wiles has been sounding the alarm about municipal “zombie apocalypse” emergency preparedness drills, which he believes are a warning that the government is planning something big…like mass executions.

On his program yesterday, Wiles presented a new possible explanation for these zombie drills: that the government could be working to splice together viruses to make people “literally go insane” like the man in Florida who ate another man’s face. This is all, of course, a sign that the Last Days are upon us, according to Wiles.

Imagine living in the world that Wiles imagines himself to be living in. It must be absolutely terrifying.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=523300770 stuartsmith

    Why is this man in politics, and not writing and directing B-movies?

  • matty1

    I think there was one case in Canada where someone putting together a list of emergency protocols added zombies as a joke and to see if people were paying attention. Is that where he got this from?

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @stuartsmith

    Because there can be only one Ed Wood.

  • Mr Ed

    Sharknado 3: Obama zombie cannibals

  • dingojack

    See here.

    Dingo

    ——–

    Apparently Canberra is having a ‘zombie walk’ to raise money for brain research.

    Brain-dead automatons shuffling mindlessly around Canberra? How will that differ from any other day? :)

  • grumpyoldfart

    Imagine living in the world that Wiles imagines himself to be living in. It must be absolutely terrifying.

    He just checks his PayPal account and laughs his head off.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    …Because if I was planning on murdering the people of the country with zombie cannibals, the keystone of my plan would be to tell people how to protect themselves…

  • D. C. Sessions

    matty1:

    No, actually the CDC and FEMA (plus probably some others) have used the “zombie apocalypse” as a communicable-disease drill in large part so that idiots won’t confuse it with a real disease outbreak (e.g. smallpox.)

    It’s supposed to be idiot proof, but Mr. Wiles demonstrates one of my favorite engineering maxims: “If try to make something idiot proof, Nature will always come up with a better idiot.”

  • John Pieret

    Imagine living in the world that Wiles imagines himself to be living in.

    Not even a bet!

    It must be absolutely terrifying.

    What? In a world full of brain earing Obamas and gayhomos and welfare queens, etc., etc.? Zombies are are barely a blip on the rightwingnut fear radar!

  • Doubting Thomas

    So appreciative that you read and listen to these looney freaks so we don’t have to.

  • John Pieret

    That’ll teach me to comment before the intravenous coffee drip takes effect!

    Not even ON a bet!

    In a world full of brain EATING Obamas …

  • raven

    Needs more demons.

    We know there is something drastically wrong with Rick Wiles although it isn’t clear whether he is a scammer or genuinely crazy.

    The bigger question is; who listens to him, who believes him, and how many of them are there? I suspect it isn’t too many people and Wiles is literally a bottom feeder of the right wing fever swamp.

    Maybe one of his fans will show up and explain just why Obama creating an army of Zombie Cannibals is a plausible theory and why he would actually want one.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @ D. C. Sessions

    Also one of my favorite maxims. The way I like it expressed is: “Engineering is a race between engineers producing bigger and better idiot-proof things and Nature creating bigger and better idiots. So far, Nature is winning.”

    @ Modusoperandi

    …Because if I was planning on murdering the people of the country with zombie cannibals, the keystone of my plan would be to tell people how to protect themselves…

    In the movie, Obama will be portrayed by Rowan Atkinson. “I have a cunning plan…”

  • D. C. Sessions

    Maybe one of his fans will show up and explain just why Obama creating an army of Zombie Cannibals is a plausible theory and why he would actually want one.

    Why do any Evil Overlords do evil (but stupid) shit? Because they’re evil. DUH!!!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    ArtK @13, why would Rowan’s character say Baldrick’s line?

  • Randomfactor

    It must be absolutely terrifying.

    Well, duh. It has the Christian god in it.

  • k_machine

    A bona fide miracle: each generation of Christian believing that they are living in the end times without noticing that each generation of Christian believe that they are living in the end times. You’d think they’d notice that the predictions never come true after a thousand years or so.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1159674804 robertbaden

    @Modus:

    He ate Baldrick’s brain………

  • John Pieret

    ArtK:

    Engineering is a race between engineers producing bigger and better idiot-proof things and Nature creating bigger and better idiots. So far, Nature is winning.

    That is so stolen!!!!!

  • lldayo

    Wouldn’t zombie cannibals just eat other zombies? I’d say the threat of them taking over the world would be zero. If the government infected 10 people to start in a small space there would be only one left within a couple of days. That one would eventually starve from lack of zombies to eat.

  • reddiaperbaby1942

    To StuartSmith at #1: The American political arena today IS a B movie. As we have just witnessed.

  • karmacat

    Perhaps Obama is about to unleash adorable kittens on the population to infect everyone with toxoplasmosis gondii. It sounds like one of them already got to Wiles

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @MO

    IIRC, Blackadder says it, too. Possibly echoing Baldrick. The principle is the same, though.

  • colnago80

    Wiles is only a symptom of the problem. The real problem is the rubes to listen to him and take him seriously.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    colnago80, to be fair, Wiles & The Serious Rubes is a pretty good band name.

  • chilidog99

    When you get right down to it, Jesus Christ was a zombie cannibal.

  • D. C. Sessions

    That is so stolen!!!!!

    Yes, it was. Oh, you mean you thought it might have been original?

  • John Pieret

    you thought it might have been original?

    Oh no … I’m just not any prouder …

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    Isn`t it obvious? Wiles is the much prophesised one, the Anointed One so many of us have been waiting for…

    …the right wing media figure who’s doing it all for laughs. This latest theory is yet another attempt to push the envelope. Soon he’ll finally come up with the stupidest theory possible, which his audience will believe, and he will finally have to admit that yes, there is no theory too stupid that large numbers of people won’t believe it. At that point he will reveal himself as the Great Troll.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty — Survivor

    Someone start taking notes — this shit needs to be a movie.

  • dingojack

    MO (#15) – even that dim-bulb Percy has had a ‘cunning’ plan on occasion (it’s just that they’re even more hopeless than Baldrick’s).

    Dingo

  • dingojack

    WMD Kitty – “…this shit needs to be a shit movie”.

    FTFY.

    Dingo

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty — Survivor

    dingojack

    Po-tay-to, po-tah-to…

  • caseloweraz

    Stuartsmith: Why is this man in politics, and not writing and directing B-movies?

    Because the current crop of directors have the zombie movie business (the Resident Evil series) sewed up?