Ben Carson Being Fingered by God

Ben Carson, like virtually every other potential Republican presidential candidate, has disingenuously said that he’ll only run if he feels God calling him to do so. And he told CNN that he’s feeling God fingering him and urging him to run.

David Brody: “How is that conversation going with God about this potential presidential run? Has He grabbed you by the collar yet? I read an article about that.”

Ben Carson: “I feel fingers. But it’s mostly me. I have to be sure and it’s part of my personality that says always look before you leap but don’t leap before you have to.”

David Brody: “I do cover the Presidential campaign trail. May I potentially see you there soon?”

Ben Carson: “I think there is a good chance you might.”

He feels fingers. Interesting. And then there’s this, from David Brody:

Additionally, he and his wife Candy are dedicated followers of Jesus. They don’t hide their faith. They can’t. It’s at the core of who they are as people. Evangelical Christians will be attracted to how he doesn’t shy away from proclaiming Jesus as Lord.

Yeah, because if there’s one thing the Republican party has a huge shortage of, it’s candidates willing to talk about Jesus. But Carson might want to be careful here. In 2012, several candidates also claim to have been fingered by God, including Herman Cain, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann. It didn’t work out too well for any of them. If I were him, I’d be telling God that no means no.

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  • busterggi

    WHERE HAS THAT FINGER BEEN?!

  • raven

    Can’t these christofascists count?

    In the last election, three candidates claimed to have been called by god to run.

    This time it will probably be more. In may be all of them. Either their god can’t count or it has a weird sense of humor.

    And in the end it didn’t matter. They nominated a nonxian, Romney. The xian guy Obama beat the nonxian though. Maybe god really did want a xian to be President.

  • John Pieret

    As far as Carson’s possible run for president, God is obviously trying to shove it down his throat.

  • yoav

    I really hope god washed his hands after fingering Santorum.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    Is he certain god isn’t giving him the finger?

  • matty1

    The mental image is just too disturbing. Plus I reckon God has really big fingers so ouch!

  • marcus

    Who does God think he is, Bill Cosby?

  • matty1

    @2 It wasn’t the same God obviously. Republican are actually being used as a proxy for the ongoing war between the Aesir and the Vanir.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Dibs on vibrator name!

  • Alverant

    I think there is someone out there with ESP who is pretending to be God and telling these clowns to run for President because he/she thinks it’s funny.

  • tbp1

    Carson is living proof that competence—even brilliance—in one field is absolutely no guarantee of even marginal ability in any other.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    I feel fingers. But it’s mostly me…

    Once again, the party of “family values” gives us the best porn-movie storylines. All they need now is a Ben Carson look-alike…

  • Randomfactor

    God’s a proctologist?

  • Randomfactor

    Carson is living proof that competence—even brilliance—in one field is absolutely no guarantee of even marginal ability in any other.

    Especially true of surgeons, who begin to see God looking back at them from the mirror.

  • karmacat

    Reminds me of a joke. What is the difference between god and a surgeon. God knows he is not a surgeon

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Randomfactor “Especially true of surgeons, who begin to see God looking back at them from the mirror.”

    Actually, God sees a surgeon.

  • colnago80

    Re tbp1 @ #11

    The problem is that surgeons don’t have to know much about biology to perform their tasks. In this regard, they are like automobile mechanics who don’t have to know anything about the physics of internal combustion engines to work on car engines.

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    Someone should warn Carson that “values voters” don’t like all that gay stuff, like another male fingering you.

  • felidae

    Did God just give Ben a prostate exam?

  • http://www.facebook.com/vinimarques vinimarques

    Nice! The commentary here really hits the spot.

  • spamamander, internet amphibian

    I’m guessing in this case, hitting the spot involves the taint.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Did God just give Ben a prostate exam?

    Maybe God was showing Ben where to find his next talking-points?

  • magistramarla

    Here’s another example of a competent neurosurgeon who is a religious wingnut.

    “Donald L. Hilton, Jr. author of “He Restoreth my Soul” has practiced medicine for fourteen years in San Antonio, Texas, specializing in neurological surgery.”

    This guy is Mormon and this book of his is something that the cult uses to scare kids about pornography.

    He did my husband’s back surgery 15 years ago, before we knew about his wingnuttery.

    Since I now need back surgery, some people have tried to talk me into this doc. I’m perfectly happy with my docs who work for the local teaching hospital. The hospital is secular and the docs have to at least appear secular when dealing with patients.

  • http://dontlinkmebro F [i’m not here, i’m gone]

    Wow, if god was fingering me, I certainly would have an urge to run, as fast as I could, away.

  • bahrfeldt

    Ben Carson: “I feel fingers. But it’s mostly me.”

    Pretty much sums up the theocratic lifestyle.

  • matty1

    “I feel fingers. But it’s mostly me.”

    I think he’s giving us advanced warning of what kind of scandal will be revealed if he does run.

  • thebookofdave

    Why do they always brag about being fingered by God, but not a peep when it comes to the inevitable fisting?

  • caseloweraz

    I often reflect on the ability of punctuation to change the meaning of a sentence. To wit:

    Ben Carson: fingered, by god!