Wingnut: Straight Porn and Anal Sex Are, Like, So Gay

Jason Salamone, someone I’ve never heard of and for good reason, has a column at BarbWire making the rather ridiculous claim that a straight couple watching porn or having anal sex are actually engaging in a homosexual act. Because, ya know, reasons and stuff.

If a man has anal sex with a woman, he is committing a homosexual act on a woman, being that in homosexual acts the rectum is always the substitute for the vagina, so think about that next time you want to degrade your wife…even if she says she enjoys it…that doesn’t make the act less degrading or more right…

Pornography, even man-woman porn is homosexual in nature, because it takes sex and degrades it to be about self pleasure for the viewer. Homosexuality is about an attraction towards “sameness.” And since pornography directs pleasure towards self-arousal, and does so initially even when watched with a partner, it has the same narcissistic element to it. This is difficult to explain and hard for the average person to understand at first, but as you continue your walk towards being more Christ-like, it will begin to make sense.

Yeah, it’s a Jesus thing, you wouldn’t understand.

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  • Kevin Kehres

    What the…what?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    “Honey, what are you watching?”

    “It’s, um, research. Yeah, that’s it. Research.”

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    I find the fundie obsession with sex to be fascinating. Particularly their obsession with other people having sex. I wonder if there’s a correlation between fundamentalism and voyeurism.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Jason Salamone, someone I’ve never heard of and for good reason…

    If there’s good reason for you never to have heard of him, isn’t there equally good reason for us never to hear of him? Seriously, why are you bothering with this loony at all?

  • illdoittomorrow

    ArtK at 3- I’ve always thought it’s a frothy mix of self-loathing (projected onto others, naturally) and raging jealousy.

  • http://www.pandasthumb.org Area Man

    Normally, in the wingnut Venn diagram of sex, homosexuality would be fully nested within the “deviant sex” circle and overlap somewhat with the “anal sex” and “pornography” circles, which are themselves fully within “deviant sex”. Salamone seems to have taken “deviant sex” and changed the name to “homosexuality”, so that everything deviant is now homo.

    Fucking words, how do they work?

  • DaveL

    being that in homosexual acts the rectum is always the substitute for the vagina

    Has anyone ever pointed out to this man that a lot of homosexuals actually have vaginas?

  • cottonnero

    I like that last quoted sentence. He knows he’s spewing bullshit, so he’s blaming the listener for not being holy enough to agree with him.

  • doublereed

    So he’s not really talking porn at all. He’s saying that masturbation is homosexual.

  • dugglebogey

    Actually, any sexual thoughts that you have that are not for the purposes of procreation are homosexual.

  • doublereed

    Yea, it seems like a comedic reversal of what they normally say. Rather than say “Anything I think is homosexual is bad” it’s “Anything I think is bad is homosexual.” Like it’s not enough for it to be narcissistic or whatever, it has to be homosexually narcissistic.

  • Michael Heath

    Jason Salamone writes:

    This is difficult to explain and hard for the average person to understand at first, but as you continue your walk towards being more Christ-like, it will begin to make sense.

    Projecting his own idiocy onto those who can see through his bullshit is required thinking for all biblical inerrantists.

    The most popular form I recall in my my youth when confronting a fundie with a question they can’t cogently answer is this typical response: “Because God is holy; we mere mortals can’t understand. But continue to submit to His power and seek His face and eventually you’ll understand.”

    This to a person who understands perfectly well. That makes this sort of exchange one of the more ironic a reasonable person can have with a fundie.

  • marcus

    Well, whatever you do don’t go over to the article and read the comments. The stupid is strong there. You’ll almost be forced to troll. I tried not to (not very hard) but I couldn’t resist.

  • gshelley

    I wonder if he thinks the same applies if a man has oral sex with a woman as the mouth is often “substitute for a vagina” in homosexual acts

  • Crimson Clupeidae

    So I guess I don’t have to select which kind of porn I want on the internets now? It’s all gay porn!!

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    Holy crap. This is the second time today I’ve been prompted to link to this site – http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=75715 (thread title – “Anal Sex is Gay Sex (Even if It’s With A Woman))

  • garnetstar

    Gay men do oral sex too, so I guess Salamone doesn’t get blow jobs from women, because it’s so gay?

    That’ll be the day, a man who is against bjs. I thought Ken Cuccinelli was the only one.

  • busterggi

    “continue your walk towards being more Christ-like”

    But who wants to be a 33 year-old virgin who only hangs around with other guys and the occassional hooker?

  • roggg

    I’m not sure these fundies know what homosexual means. Not sarcasm…he seems really confused on the matter.

  • marcus

    Tabby Lavalamp @ 16 OMFG! Why would you link to that?

    (Please find enclosed invoice for one (1) gallon extra-strength, concentrated, sooper-dooper, brain bleach.)

    I’m not sure that stain will ever come out!

  • U Frood

    And not to sound like a wimp, but I’m not interested in being crucified, I’ll walk away from being Christ-like if you don’t mind.

  • alexmcdonald

    This is a fact, because before the sexual revolution when our culture as a whole was encouraging each other to wait until man and woman marriage, society only had 2 STDs to contend with (syphilis and gonorrhea) and both were treatable (not to mention, they typically came from overseas).

    Huge medical fail with a big fat 0 scored.

    Syphillis is generally thought to have originated in the Americas and made its way to Europe by sailors returning with Columbus. It was only widely treatable in the latter part of the 20th century, and the US government in the late 1940s infected Guatamalans as unkowing human guinea pigs to test treatments, something it had to later apologise for,

    Just about every other form of STD has been known for years. Scabies, genital warts, you name it. Jason Salamone is an uninformed bigot.

  • jameshanley

    This is difficult to explain and hard for the average person to understand at first, but as you continue your walk towards being more Christ-like, it will begin to make sense

    So as you continue your walk towards Jesus you get dumber? Hmm, this guy might actually be right about something.

  • http://florilegia.wordpress.com Ibis3, These verbal jackboots were made for walking

    @marcus

    Whatever is over there at that link is supposed to be satire.

  • marcus

    Ibis @24 Oh thank goodness. (Damn, Poe’d again.)

  • moarscienceplz

    Homosexuality is about an attraction towards “sameness.”

    Hmmm, you mean kinda like the ocean of pasty whiteness I see nearly every time I look at the congregation of a megachurch?

  • caseloweraz

    Doublereed: So he’s not really talking porn at all. He’s saying that masturbation is homosexual.

    Right.

    Since masturbation has been defined as “manipulation of one’s own erogenous zones,” and since the lips are an erogenous zone, all speech is masturbation. The obvious conclusion for Salamone is that he’d better stop talking.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    This is difficult to explain and hard for the average person to understand at first, but as you continue your walk towards being more Christ-like, it will begin to make sense.

    Translation: What I’m saying will sound like stupid bullshit to most people, but those people aren’t good christians like I am. So you know you’re a good christian if you can convince yourself that what I’m saying makes total sense.

  • doublereed

    @27 caselweraz

    Wait is mastication a form of masturbation????

  • forestdragon

    Marcus @ 20 – actually, Landover Baptist is the religous equivalent of The Onion. It’s full of Poes, though. That was the place I found out about the “grocery bag test”: to wit, LBC had supposedly recently begun to allow blacks in their congregation – provided they were not darker than the standard brown paper grocery bag.

  • http://www.dexterityunlimited.com/ Dan J

    If there’s good reason for you never to have heard of him, isn’t there equally good reason for us never to hear of him? Seriously, why are you bothering with this loony at all?

    Just imagine… getting your own fucking blog.

  • Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    continue your walk towards being more Christ-like

    Drinking wine, getting nailed, and pissing off the authorities?

  • mrranger

    I’ve never read anything more stupid in my entire life. I admit I had a girlfriend who was into anal sex, jeez, does that make me gay? Or is it just when watching male-female anal porn? What about when watching cam girls? Is that also gay?…I’m really confused 😀