The 2014 Jesus World Tour Wraps Up

It’s the end of the year so it’s time to ask the all-important question: Where, and in what form, did Jesus appear in 2014? There was the usual places — food, wood, clouds. But there were a couple of new ones, including in a big wave and, perhaps most improbably, in a garden gnome. But none of them can match my all-time favorite, when Jesus appeared in bathroom mold in a house in Texas. The owners of the house said that they thought the lord was trying to send them a message. That message, of course, was to buy some bleach and clean their house.

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  • dingojack

    I know it’s not 2014, but who can go past: sniffable Jesus (it’s a sign couldn’t give a dog’s ass, he’s dialling it in).

    😉 Dingo

  • scienceavenger

    I saw Jesus this Christmas in a tortilla chip. It’s a miracle! Oh wait, it wasn’t Jesus, it was the state of Texas. Still what are the odds? Except the chips were made that way. But still…

  • Modusoperandi

    Oh, sure, it sounds funny, but once Jesus appears in mildew on your shower curtain, good luck getting His milky stare out of your nightmares!

  • Kevin Kehres

    Didn’t Jesus appear in one of those Goldfish cheese crackers? That was a new one.

  • Modusoperandi

    And how come they never mention the miraculous appearance of a water stain that looked like a concrete wall on a painting of the virgin Mary?

  • Trebuchet

    The Jesus in a Wave one looks far more like Bob Hope, to me. No way that’s a Jewish nose.

  • lordshipmayhem

    I’m sure he’s shown up as a doctor, lawyer, physicist, engineer as well as a mechanic or a landscape architect.

    There are a lot of people out there named “Jesus”, after all. Not all of them are transient crop workers.

  • John Pieret

    dingo beat me to the dog’s-ass Jesus but the bird-shit-on-a- windshield Jesus is pretty awesome too.

  • Area Man

    I’m not getting the Jesus in a garden gnome or the Jesus in wood. Chicken Jesus, on the other hand, has nearly convinced me to convert. Mmmm, saviorlicious….

  • Loqi

    I only see something resembling a face in one of them, and it looks like Leo Tolstoy.

  • LightningRose

    Most of the Jeebus sightings are really just Jerry Garcia without his glasses.

  • tfkreference

    The wave is clearly Anthony Grayling.

  • dingojack

    Bird-shit Jesus! ‘Bat Guano’ would be proud!


  • anubisprime

    So I wonder if the eejits in Texas now worship their very own bathroom mold?

    Beats the tacky plastic action figure saint of your choice range or even the traditional geezer nailed to a bit of wood extreme S/M pornography model…which is very popular amongst believers with taste.

    Fuckin’ terminal dipshits one and all…

  • marcus

    @ 12 Obviously Crazy Horse.

  • lorn

    Jesus visits the hospital. After a particularly bad case of constipation followed by explosive diarrhea, it is as bad as it sounds, the wall was a mess. A nurse spotted Jesus in splatter pattern. Before starting to clean it up an older nurse noted that after being plugged for long time the patient said release was a blessing.