Dutch Sheets Gets ‘Re-Anointed’

I always find it amusing when preachers talk about having an “anointment” from God and to speak to God (or the Holy Spirit) directly. Self-declared “prophet” Dutch Sheets gives us a hilarious play-by-play on how he allegedly became “re-anointed” by the Holy Spirit. Apparently the old one had expired or something.

While ministering near Oberlin, Ohio this past Sunday, September 21, I had the privilege of visiting the grave of Charles Finney. Finney, an attorney turned evangelist, was one of the greatest revivalists that has ever lived. He was a leader in the Second Great Awakening, and often called, The Father of Modern Revivalism. He also promoted social reforms, such as the abolition of slavery and equal education for women. Just as I have with stumps, trees, rocks, monuments, chairs, beds, pews and wooden benches in the front of churches, I used his grave as an altar. I thanked God for Finney and those like him who have left us powerful legacies and examples. I reminded Holy Spirit of the First and Second Great Awakenings, and appealed to Heaven for another. As I pondered and honored the work of Finney and others gone before me, I once again committed myself to God and His cause. Then, in a very holy moment, I pledged to the young men and women with me that I would be a faithful father to them and their generation.

As we prayed, God chose this time and place to meet with me in a powerful way. I was overcome, as I have been before, with God’s heart and love for America. I wept, as we all cried out for revival in our land. Why did God meet me there in such a strong way? Perhaps it was to honor the memory of Finney, a faithful son; or, since awakening and harvest is what Finney so powerfully represents, maybe it was a confirmation that God is, indeed, going to give us another great awakening; and it could have been to remind us that we are part of something bigger than ourselves – that the great cloud of witnesses is watching and cheering us on, knowing fully that we’re the continuation of their efforts (Hebrews 11:39-12:2). Whatever His reason for choosing this time and place, the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon me. I was re-mantled and re-anointed.

A mantle in Old Testament times was simply a garment that pictured or symbolized an individual being clothed with the Holy Spirit and His ability. Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is ‘upon’ me…” (Luke 4:18). An anointing in the Old Testament referred to rubbing or smearing with oil as a picture of the Holy Spirit’s impartation and empowering. In the above verse, Jesus referenced this, adding, “He [Holy Spirit] has anointed Me.” Those of us who speak of “mantles” and “anointings” are using biblical symbolism to describe impartations that empower and equip us for a particular task or function. Sunday, for my assignment to America, I was re-mantled and re-anointed with a fresh impartation of Holy Spirit.

I don’t suppose you have any, ya know, evidence of this or anything, do ya? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
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  • dingojack

    Best euphemism for wetting the bed, ever:

    ‘Ah Mommy, god just “anointed the Sheets” again!’

    Dingo

  • dingojack

    No, now I see:

    ‘Dutch Sheets’ is when your ‘Dutch Oven’ is just a little more liquid than you expected, and the sheets get ‘anointed’.

    😀 Dingo

  • pault

    I too, have had my most intense revelations while being rubbed and smeared with oil.

  • John Pieret

    “Sheets Get Anointed Again” would be a pretty good title for a porno movie.

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    I reminded Holy Spirit of the First and Second Great Awakenings

    Two things to be gleaned here: first, “Holy Spirit” is a personal name, and second, Mr. Spirit has a terrible memory.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    The first 4 comments seem to be in the same vein, nonetheless I must note:

    Whatever His reason for choosing this time and place, the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon me.

    and what happened next?

    I was re-mantled and re-anointed.

    Isn’t that just another way of saying:

    Then the Holy Spirit wrapped me in a fresh covering and slathered me with more lube.

    Because, seriously, I think we’re missing the most interesting parts of what happened at this gravesite.

  • Phillip Hallam-Baker

    So what the guy says is he:

    1) Felt the holy spirit.

    2) Explains this by an analogy to two buzzwords

    3) Defines each buzzword.

    4) Claims this as ‘proof’ that he was visited by the holy spirit.

    So really he is saying nothing at all.

    Isn’t ‘remantled’ just a pompous way to say he felt God spoke to him? So why not say that? Well it is simple because his point is not just that he is blessed by god, he is claiming to be an authority, a teacher.

    Since ‘Christ’ means ‘the anointed one’, claiming to be anointed by God is actually a rather strong claim here. But since you ignorant rubes need Sheets to explain it all to you, he is obviously more anointed than you are.

  • ianken

    And here I was thinking this was going to be about linens in Amsterdam.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty — Survivor

    “Dutch sheets” sounds like an unusual euphemism for dental dams…

  • dingojack

    “Whatever His reason for choosing this time and place, the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon me”.

    “I was re-mantled and re-anointed”.

    Who knew god was into butake?

    :) Dingo

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty — Survivor

    It’s bukkake, but… yeah…

  • dingojack

    Depends which orifice god used when he ‘anointed the sheets’ … 😉

    Dingo

    ———

    Thanks for the correction, I wasn’t game to look it up on the intertubes…

  • Trebuchet

    I’d REALLY like to believe Poe’s law applies to this one. It’s just too good!

  • shouldbeworking

    Isn’t ‘remantled’ and ‘reannointed’ just another advertising line like ‘new and improved’?

  • corwyn

    I suspect it is closer to Dutch Books.

  • matty1

    I’m perfectly prepared to believe he was smeared with oil last Sunday, though for the sake of any passers by I hope it wasn’t while in an open cemetery.