Todd Starnes Knows What Jesus Would Do

Todd Starnes, Fox News’ professional liar (okay, one of them), says he knows exactly what Jesus would do to people whose country we invaded for no legitimate reason: He’d cheer on those who kill people and call them a good and faithful servant for sending people to hell.

During his Monday “American Dispatch” YouTube broadcast, Starnes asserted that the movie “American Sniper” was “driving liberals bonkers.”

According to Starnes, filmmaker Michael Moore was wrong to suggest that Jesus would not “hide on top of a roof and shoot people in the back.”

“I’m no theologian,” Starnes opined. “But I suspect Jesus would tell that God-fearing, red-blooded American sniper, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant for dispatching another Godless jihadist to the lake of fire.’”

Well let’s see, maybe we should ask…oh, I don’t know…Jesus? Mark 5:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

And Luke’s version of the same event, in chapter 6:

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Funny how the answer to “what would Jesus do” is almost always the same as what the person asking the question would do, even if that contradicts what they believe Jesus actually said.

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  • eric

    Starnes asserted that the movie “American Sniper” was “driving liberals bonkers.”

    Ah, the martyr fantasy again. I heard it was meh. Had it gotten better reviews, I probably would’ve seen it, regardless of whether the story was accurate or glorifies sniping. Because I regularly do see movies that are fictional glorifications of violence. THAT isn’t the problem, the problem is that by all accounts, this particular glorification of violence is mediocre. Maybe when my netflix queue gets low.

  • wreck

    “Well done, thou good and faithful servant for dispatching another Godless jihadist to the lake of fire”

    Feel the Christian Love(TM).

    BTW, I haven’t seen any reports of Starnes dispatching any jihadists himself. Chickenhawk much?

  • abb3w

    I’m not especially bothered by the military use of snipers, nor even so much the glorification of violence. I’m more bothered by how the movie downplays the evidence that the guy the story was based on seems to have bordered on sociopathy.

    Of course, I’m a bit of a moral monster; as a tool of realpolitik, I’m not that uncomfortable with the idea that unleashing sociopaths to rampage in a foreign country is part of the repertoire along the spectrum, as diplomacy breaks down to continuation by other means. However, I think that any decision to do so should be made with eyes open. Pretending otherwise smacks of carelessness and self-delusion — both of which I think most snipers would agree are counter-survival.

  • busterggi

    Bradley Cooper was better as a raccoon.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    What would Jesus know about merciful fathers?

  • dan4

    Notice how Starnes ignores the “in the back” part of Moore’s comment.

  • caseloweraz

    As I wrote over at Pharyngula, Starnes is not much of a historian either.