Katy Perry’s Illuminati Halftime Show

It’s become an annual ritual, a bunch of paranoid halfwits whose brains have been pickled in every stupid conspiracy theory in existence immediately declare that the Super Bowl halftime show was full of Illuminati symbolism. Of course, people who think triangles are Illuminati symbols are bound to find them everywhere.


I’ll be honest with you, I’m kind of disappointed that the Illuminati has such shitty taste in music that they send Katy Perry, a mediocre mall creature at best, to do their bidding. I guess every generation needs their Debbie Gibson, but Jesus her performance was terrible. It was more bland than Wonder bread wrapped in beige wallpaper.

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  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Back in the old days, the Illuminati could get talent like Mozart and Voltaire. Now they’re dealing with talent on the order of “talking sock” dolls. Secret world rulership just isn’t what it used to be.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    It was more bland than Wonder bread wrapped in beige wallpaper.

    Worse, they decided to open and close the show with a football game.

  • eric

    Jesus her performance was terrible. It was more bland than Wonder bread wrapped in beige wallpaper.

    Better than the Black Eyed Peas one, where they couldn’t even get the choreography/timing and sound mixing right. That’s kinda how I judge the halftime show now: I know I’m going to get bland pop rock. That’s not even a consideration. So instead I judge on good choreography, clarity of sound, special effects, etc…

    By those sorts of measures, this year’s was okay. Not among the worst, but not among the best either. I did think the video floor showing the 3-D images was pretty cool. Highly disappointed that they advertised Lenny Kravitz as being part of the show and then he was there for all of, what, 30 seconds? But I guess shame on me for believing that sort of advertisement.

  • Kevin Kehres

    My nephew hollered “ILLUMINATI” at some point in the proceedings, and had to explain to me the joke.

    Of course, something inside my head went “they did that on purpose to get more publicity”. Guess I was right.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Of course, people who think triangles are Illuminati symbols are bound to find them everywhere.

    See, that’s what make the Illuminati so powerful: they take a shape that’s literally everywhere, and make it theirs, thus securing an endless worldwide presence.

    I’m kind of disappointed that the Illuminati has such shitty taste in music that they send Katy Perry, a mediocre mall creature at best, to do their bidding.

    What, you think Blake Shelton would be a better choice? I’m sure Katy Perry is far better for the Illuminati’s purposes, whatever they really are.

    Also, you seem to be forgetting that rapper from the ’90s who reappeared at Super-Bowl halftime out of nowhere. (Although, to be fair, you’re not the only white commentator to ignore the nonwhite performer.) I’d say that shows both better taste and more devious long-term strategy than you’re willing to give the Illuminati credit for.

  • John Pieret

    Even before the Super Bowl another group of wingnuts were predicting Perry’s show would be “be complete maximum evil,” because Perry is influenced by writers who claim to “channel demonic forces,” teaching us “we can realize our own inner divinity through occult knowledge.”


    Yeah, we all expected demonic forces to show up because, after all, Pepsi was sponsoring the halftime show and we all know how it loves to flaunt its connections with the occult.

    Nothing so interesting went on, however … though I thought the giant metallic lion puppet was pretty cool.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    It was more bland than Wonder bread wrapped in beige wallpaper.

    That comment is just plain ridiculous. I don’t have to give a shit about Katy Perry to see that while her performance was silly and hilariously overblown, there was nothing “beige” about it. In fact, I’d say it was a good deal wackier and more unique (though less substantive) than even some Olympic opening ceremonies I’ve seen.

    And hey, since I didn’t care for any of the teams playing this year, and didn’t stick around to see all those infamous overpriced overrated ads, it was good to see a halftime show that made me drop my jaw and say “WHAT the FUCK is she THINKING?” We need someone like the Illuminati to conspire to make more people react like that more often.

  • http://rhapsodies.wpmorse.com/ montanto

    I couldn’t resist and watched it, this guy is hilarious. While I’m sure he’s completely sincere in what he’s saying. While I was watching I thought this was the best demonstration of Poe’s law out there. It was honestly impossible to distinguish him from an over the top parody. There should have been a laugh track! I almost wanted to pity him it was so sad.

    To make matters even worse for all his sifting through the entertainment for ANY bit of symbolism he completely missed the chess metaphor in the second bit.

  • Sastra

    So the Illuminati is sending “subtle” signals to indicate its presence. You really have to look for them, but they’re there.

    If it’s such a powerful and dangerous conspiracy, then why the hell would it be sending messages at all? It’s supposed to be seeeeecret, remember? Someone at Illuminati headquarters has to squash this leak, pronto. The management must really be screwing things up. Blunderers.

    I could set up a better secret conspiracy. Not that I’ve done that. I’m just saying.

  • pough

    …any time we see things like … elements, there’s always a deeper meaning … a symbolic meaning

    Uh-oh. I think I’m seeing some elements right now!

  • blf

    No, no, no, triangles are not a sign of the Illuminati. That’s a lie put out by the Trilateral Commission.

  • dmcclean

    At first I thought it was Vinz Clortho, the Keymaster of Gozer. Once I realized it was only supposed to be a lion, I didn’t see any particular demonic influence on the show. 😉

  • dmcclean

    Or a tiger, rather.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    dmcclean, or a bear. Oh my!

  • caseloweraz

    Fire means Illuminati blood sacrifice? So, therefore, the burning bush…

    And how come he didn’t mention triangles? There were plenty of triangles in that show. Look at the young lady’s name: it has two triangles in it. You take the upper part of the “y” — that’s your triangle. Well, once you draw a line across the top…

  • http://www.facebook.com/den.wilson d.c.wilson

    I didn’t watch the Super Bowl half time show, but someone mentioned the illuminati thing to me yesterday. Great Googly Moogly! I thought they were kidding.

  • eric

    “New England Patriots” has three words in it. THREE WORDS! Its obviously an illminati fix.

    Of course “Pete Caroll, why did you pass?” has five words in it, so maybe it was the satanists who rigged it.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    The Left Shark is our future ruler of all.

  • bryanfeir

    The thing you have to remember about Katy Perry and the religious right… is she used to be one of them. Look up Katy Hudson sometime.

    Hudson/Perry’s mother still turns off the radio when ‘I Kissed A Girl’ comes on, because homosexuality is a tool of the devil.

  • hoku

    There’s also a brilliant theory going around that they brought Lenny Kravitz in so that people wouldn’t get the vapors when she sag “I Kissed a Girl”.

  • leni

    Ed, you’re so uncool! No one goes to malls anymore.

  • Scr… Archivist

    Well, that was weird. And Vigilant Christian’s interpretation of the show was even weirder.

    I was surprised to see Cinna in the arena with the Girl on Fire. And I have to say I liked the Tron homage and the giant puppet.

  • fleetfootphilo

    Yeah, but Ed you have to love when a player who so obviously lacks extraordinary playing ability (which isn’t to say Perry can’t sing) possesses so much fight and moxie. I think Katy Perry IS the feminist ideal for our daughters (I watch my own girls in absolute awe whenever she appears on a screen).

    She’s not perfect -j ust good enough with an attitude. All things considered, I can appreciate that it could’ve been different – in lots of ‘eras’, a person like Katy Perry would be shamed off the stage and banished (“You kissed a WHAT, young lady!”). Instead, she rides a giant lion and raps with Missy Elliot.

    Not too shabby for a mall queen.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com WMDKitty — Survivor

    What. the. fuck.

  • Freodin


    If such a Illuminati-satanist-conspiracy-theory is not presented by the twentythird albatross of the apocalypso and assisant prophet of the back-end-times… I won’t watch it.

    I have standards, you know!

  • birgerjohansson

    If you want a truly ehvil show, you must get Marilyn Manson to perform.


    If you want ambiguous texts, get Anne Murray and let Stewie and Brian Griffin fight it out over the interpretation. “It’s about ageing!” “No, it’s about getting out of a bad relationship!”


    If you want right-wingers to REALLY freak out, play “The War of 1812”

  • fusilier

    And once again the DropKick Murphys were excluded by the NFL.


    James 2:24

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Marilyn Manson? Please. The Illuminati are done with him. They need fresh new blood each year.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=523300770 stuartsmith

    The Illuminati, as a secret organization, often like to represent themselves with what I call crypto-triangles – that is, triangles with one line omitted in order to obfuscate their presence. So, for example, a letter K is really just three crypto-triangles, an obvious sign of the illuminati. Ys are also pernicious in this way. And Ts include two crypto-triangles as well. They often also substitute lower case letters in order to further conceal their goal.

    And really, if they weren’t pure evil, why would they need to hide themselves?

  • Scr… Archivist

    In under twenty minutes today,

    Katy Perry taught us all to pray.

    The symbolism is a sign

    Of the secret masters’ hour to shine.

    So may I introduce to you the rulers of the world for years?

    Katy Perry’s Illuminati Clan!

    They’re Katy Perry’s Illuminati Clan,

    They hope you will enjoy the show,

    They’re Katy Perry’s Illuminati Clan,

    Sit back and let your freedom go.

    Katy Perry’s flaming, Katy Perry’s checkered,

    Katy Perry’s Illuminati Clan.

    It’s wonderful to rule you.

    It’s certainly a thrill.

    You’re all such lovely sheeple.

    We love to tease you with our hints.

    We love to leave you signs.

    With the triangles all on show,

    I think you can’t help but know

    That the devil’s got a tune to sing

    And he wants you all to worship bling.

    So let me introduce to you

    The one and only Lucifer

    And Katy Perry’s Illuminati Clan, yeah!

  • caseloweraz

    Pretty good, Archivist!

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