Yoho: We Can’t Fight ISIS Without God

Rep. Ted Yoho of Florida is valiantly trying to prove he belongs in the first rank of congressional dingbats alongside luminaries like Steve King and Louis Gohmert. He told J.D. Hayworth of Newsmax that ISIS is fighting for their God, so we have to fight for ours too.

Yoho told host J.D. Hayworth and fellow guest Michael Flanagan, both former GOP congressman: “Congressman Flanagan said we’ve got to get God back into a lot of these principles in our country that we were founded on, and I agree. We’re taking God out of this country, they’re fighting for their God, and all I can say is the person who has God on their side is going to win this. And I think we all need to huddle around and get back to some basics in this country.”

I know, right? I mean, they’ve got a big, vicious God on their side so we have to have an even bigger and more vicious God on our side. You don’t take a knife to a gun fight and you don’t put a poodle god into the ring to fight a pitbull god. Have we learned nothing from Michael Vick?


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  • John Pieret

    the person who has God on their side is going to win this

    But … but … I thought the Christian god was the only True God. What good is Allah being on their side?

    I wonder when he lost the second “y” in his name?

  • k_machine

    Jesus consistently preached non-violence so good luck with that. (Because our earthly struggles are irrelevant to salvation.)

  • macallan

    My god is bigger than yours!

    There, let them fight it out.

  • matty1

    I think this is an excellent idea. Instead of weapons all soldiers should be issued a battle god to fight with. Just think of the cost savings. Of course some will pick more merciful deities like Kali, but they can always be backed up by those armed with a full Yahweh Saboath

  • ed440

    Ted, take your gun and go fight. Show us you really mean it.

  • dingojack

    ” Of course some will pick more merciful deities like Kali…”

    Allah might have assassins, but Kali has thugs.


  • Larry

    Get your sons and daughters and nieces and nephews over there, then, Teddy. Show us you’ve got some skin the in game. If you’re battling for god supremacy, sacrificing your kin is no more than what you’re asking other parents to do. Right?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    How about both sides just sit back and let their gods fight it out?

  • jonathangray

    You don’t win a religious war with hashtags and candlelit vigils.

  • Doc Bill

    I’m putting my money on Shiva.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Last year I attended a League of Women Voters candidate forum in which Yoho “debated” his primary challenger.

    Yoho, citing personal briefings from unnamed experts in Washington, rattled off the standard Republican/Zionist points about the impending dangers of Iran’s nuclear weapons program and how we urgently needed to stop it. Except – he said “Syria” each time the script called for Iran. Most of us local yokels caught that right away (but I don’t think the challenger ever did).

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    So the military actions get labeled a Crusade should be done in the name of the One True God? That will be a huge help, yeah. To ISIL, at least.

  • http://kamakanui.zenfolio.com Kamaka

    Makes me think of the fighting stone giants in the Hobbit movie.

  • Anne Fenwick

    @10 – No, no, no! It’s Athena, Goddess of War and Wisdom who’s the thinking man and woman’s bet. Good for conflict and peacetime, only costs a goat every now and again.

  • theguy

    “and all I can say is the person who has God on their side is going to win this”

    Reminds me of a quote by Napoleon (slightly paraphrased)

    “God fights on the side with the best artillery.”

  • Doc Bill

    @14 – Anne, I’ll see your Athena and raise you a Kartikeya plus two goats.

  • dingojack

    Athena? Screw that, go Ereshkigal!

    :) Dingo

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Problem is, if we bring in Yahweh on our side, all ISIS has to do is start using iron chariots and we’re done for.

  • Al Dente

    Wotan has all those Norse warriors in Vahalla practicing for Ragnarok. Send them to fight ISIS for some live-fire training.

  • Lady Mondegreen

    My money’s on Kali.

    Or Cthulhu. Yeah, definitely Cthulhu. He’s got shoggoths.

  • colnago80

    LRe thegluy @ #15

    Le Dieu se marche’ avec les gros battalions.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R2XG9CnOj8 Olav

    Bicycle brand #21:

    Le Dieu se marche’ avec les gros battalions.

    That is such badly mangled French, it is quite painful to read.

    There are two versions of the original quote: “On dit que Dieu est toujours pour les gros bataillons” (They say that God is always for the large battalions) and “Dieu n’est pas pour les gros battalions, mais pour ceux qui tirent le mieux” (God is not for the large battalions, but for those who shoot the best). Both from Voltaire, you can look it up.

  • iangould

    So who are the 90%+ of Muslims who oppose Daesh fighting for?

  • starskeptic

    “We’re taking God out of this country.”

    I’m all for God being renditioned.

  • Al Dente

    Marche ou crève. (March or die, unofficial motto of the Légion Étrangère.)

  • http://drx.typepad.com Dr X

    jonathangray says

    You don’t win a religious war with hashtags and candlelit vigils.

    And you don’t win them straw men.

  • grumpyoldfart

    I have this nightmare:

    A Christian fundie becomes US President, sacks his advisors and says, “I’m taking orders from the Lord.”

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Dr X “And you don’t win them straw men.”

    Even against crows?

  • dingojack

    MO – yes but they cushion little Jon-Jon’s (inevitable) pratfalls very nicely.



  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Okay, if I ever get sent to the front, I’ll be sure to fight for Apollo, Athena and Thor. Problem solved.

  • Scott F

    But… But… The Christian god and the Islamic god are the same god: the Jewish god, the god of Abraham. How can he talk about their god??

  • jonathangray
  • jonathangray
  • StevoR

    I believe “Dark Matter2525” has already made a youtube clip or three of the fights between various divinities starting here :


    The first one is pretty bad and plays up a few really nasty stereotypes although with a lil’ humour too and I reckon Innocent Woman shoulda won somehow (maybe through realisation of non-existence?) but the last one is great! Would be nice to see more of these including all the supposed players shown.

    (Yeah, DarkMatter2525 if your’e seeing this that is a hint, ‘kay, request!)

  • tbp1

    I can’t help it; when I see his name I start hearing The Ride of the Valkyries in my head.

  • dingojack

    tpb1 — just for you!


  • busterggi

    My god’s bigger than your god

    My god’s bigger than yours

    My god’s bigger

    Cuz he eats Ken-L Ration

    My god’s bigger than yours

  • chrisdevries

    @27 grumpyoldfart

    In case you want to see what such a nightmare might look like, there is a novel called “Christian Nation” (by Frederic C. Rich) that deals with a hypothetical dystopian theocracy initiated by the election of McCain and Palin in 2008 (the story is told some decades later, the narrator describing how things came to be that way). I haven’t read it yet (too many good books, too little time), but it’s on my list. I plan to read it whenever I become overly optimistic about how progressive America is becoming…yeah, I’m a bit of a masochist, although I prefer the term “pessimistic realist.”

  • Lady Mondegreen

    In case you want to see what such a nightmare might look like, there is a novel called “Christian Nation” (by Frederic C. Rich) that deals with a hypothetical dystopian theocracy

    Then there’s The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/TabbyLavalamp Tabby Lavalamp

    I hate to be a pedant, Ed, but you misspelled “Yoyo.”