Robertson: Drug Use = Slavery to Vegetables

At this point, I can only imagine what some of the staff at the 700 Club must be thinking when Pat Robertson uncorks his latest bizarre bit of word salad. The latest was his statement that since drugs like cocaine and marijuana are plants, those who use them are “slaves to vegetables.”

“God gave you and me as human beings authority, he gave us dominion over everything on this Earth,” the TV preacher explained on Monday’s 700 Club. “Over all the animals, all the snakes, all the birds, all the plants, all the vegetables.”

“Cocaine is the product of a vegetable, alcohol is the product of a vegetable, marijuana is a vegetable,” he continued. “And yet, people are enslaved to vegetables. And you were made in the image of God. God made you in his image to reign and rule with him. He gave you incredible authority.”

“Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it.?

Robertson said that he had “seen a lot of stuff” in his lifetime so he understood that people had a lot of problems, “but God Almighty can deliver you from the bondage of your addiction.”

“Your slavery to vegetables, he can set you free,” he insisted.

Okay, seriously. Can we put Robertson into a home and feed him tapioca pudding? The man has lost what little mind he ever had.

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  • jason the cripple

    By his logic ALL people are slaves to animals and vegetables because we need them to live. If we don’t eat, we die. SLAVERY!!!

  • Pierce R. Butler

    So this means that those “Veggie Tales” movies in which animated vegetables play the roles of Biblical characters are all insidious New World Order propaganda to warp our children’s minds, right?

    It’s time to issue a FATWA, Pat!

  • grendelsfather

    some of the staff at the 700 Club must be thinking

    Ha! That’s hilarious. You still have the chops, Ed, if you ever want to return to the stand-up circuit.

  • Mr Ed

    Genesis 29 Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; 30 and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food”; and it was so

    I wonder why God would do this.

  • Larry

    I, for one, welcome our new vegetable overlords.

  • tbp1

    OK, is there any lingering doubt that he’s suffering from some kind of dementia and has for a long time?

  • raven

    LOL. Jason beat me to it with the first comment.

    1. We need plants or animals ultimately fed on plants to live. We are slaves to plants.

    2. We are also slaves to the air and water. Both necessary for life. Gravity also seems to be the master of us.

    God really didn’t think things through very well. If we were really made in his image, we would be disembodied spirits that do nothing tangible or visible.

    The slaves of the vegetables and gravity would argue endlessly whether we really exist and decide that invisible spirits that do nothing most likely are imaginary.

  • peterh

    @ #4:

    That was fine for starters*, but when the writers of Deuteronomy & Leviticus got into the act they vetoed well over half what had previously been allowed.

    *Ignoring, of course the bazillion & 1 plants, animals & fish that are quite deadly.

  • grumpyoldfart

    I can only imagine what some of the staff at the 700 Club must be thinking when Pat Robertson uncorks his latest bizarre bit of word salad.

    They believe Jesus walked on water. They have no trouble believing whatever Pat Robertson says.

  • Artor

    Anyone who follows Pat’s advice has enslaved themselves to a vegetable. Frankly, that’s a bit insulting to vegetables. They at least are nutritious and are good for you. Pat, not so much.

  • timgueguen

    Israeli writer Yuval Harari makes the argument that wheat and other plants domesticated humans, not vice versa.

  • llewelly

    Jesus turned water into wine. And people drank it! Jesus made people slaves to fruits.

  • karmacat

    My rabbits like vegetables. Does that make them addictions? And what about catnip?

  • John Pieret

    It’s a small point but alcohol (the kind humans drink) is not the product of vegetables, it is a product of yeast, a fungi. Oh, wait! Fungi are part of the vegetable “kind,” I guess.

  • comfychair

    Well if you want to go full-reductionist, you could say ‘Life = Slavery to Sunlight”. (except for those pesky tubeworms and blind shrimp and such around the deep ocean vents… )

  • hackworth

    @15 – So you’re saying that tubeworms are slaves to thermal and chemical gradients?

  • Larry

    I think Pat needs to be repotted and placed onto a sunny window sill and regularly watered.

  • moarscienceplz

    “Johnnie, finish your broccoli or you don’t get dessert.”

    “Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it.?”

  • matty1

    If there’s anyone who might benefit from smoking a fat one it’s Pat

  • abb3w

    Pat Robertson, slave to Glucose and Stupidity.

  • dugglebogey

    you know what also is a product of vegetables? Vegetables! And if you don’t eat them YOU WILL DIE.

    Hell, even if you do.

  • Area Man

    So I guess LSD and crystal meth are okay?

  • marcus

    On my fourth cup of Earl Grey today.

    Damn those juniper berries!

    Oh Lord, please take this compulsion away from me! (Just not yet!)

  • Olav

    Look, I despise Robertson as much as the next atheist, and his wording in this is clumsy. But I think the analogy he is proposing does have a certain value. So, drug addicts are slaves to a plant. If that causes some substance abuser somewhere to think “hey I am not going to let a stupid plant dictate my life” and to seek help, great. It could perhaps be a new start for someone. So I am for it.

  • marcus

    PS The Botany of Desire by Michael Pollan gives an excellent account of how we have shaped the lives and genotypes of plants and been shaped by them in return. Great read.

  • Olav

    Marcus, that does appear to be an interesting book. Thanks for the tip.

  • dingojack

    Everyone should eat like Inuit (and their neighbours), no plant slavery for them!



  • sezme

    The deep philosophical issue, dingojack, is whether you choose to be a slave to lima beans or whale fat.

  • WMDKitty — Survivor

    I can’t decide if Pat needs to smoke a few bowls, or if he’s smoked a few too many.

    Either way, his bowl is empty… if you know what I mean.

  • dingojack

    At least with lima beans you’re not likely to bleed to death from a small cut (however you’ll be unpopular in elevators).

    😉 Dingo