Tom Cotton: Geopolitical Genius

Sen. Tom Cotton, the dumbass behind that open letter 47 Republicans wrote to the leaders of Iran, went on Face the Nation and said that we must stop Iran’s extension of power in the Middle East because it’s gotten so bad that they even control Tehran.

“Moreover, we have to stand up to Iran’s attempts to drive for regional dominance,” he continued. “They already control Tehran and, increasingly, they control Damascus and Beirut and Baghdad. And now, Sana’a as well.”

Yes, they already control Tehran! Wake up, sheeple! They control Tehran. What’s that? Tehran is the capitol city of Iran? How dare they control their own capitol city! It’s an outrage!

"How could you be so cruel? The Girl Can't Help It. That's a hit pahp ..."

Palin’s Pointless Appeal
"'Round these parts we say, "Errnnjeh", accent on the "Errnn". We say the same thing ..."

Palin’s Pointless Appeal

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • colnago80

    Another moronic graduate of Harvard Law School, like E. W. Jackson.

  • daved

    Holy smoke! At this rate, those Iranians will take over Qom and Tabriz before we know what’s hit us!

  • petemoulton

    It’s pretty bad when a clown like Cotton doesn’t even understand why his nickname, now and forever, will be “Tehran Tom.”

  • John Pieret

    It a good thing Bob Schieffer has had half a lifetime’s practice listening to politicians say stupid things without laughing in their face.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    John Pieret @ # 4 – no, it would be better if Schieffer had ROFLHAO.

  • raven

    Tom Cotton, lying or stupid?

    “They already control Tehran and, increasingly, they control Damascus and Beirut and Baghdad. And now, Sana’a as well.”

    1. I’m sure they have some influence in those capitals. Because right now, they are largely controlled by…Shiites.

    2. Iran’s influence is going to stop right there. Because all the other Arab capitals in the middle east are controlled by…Sunnis.

    3. The conflicts in the middle east are largely driven by the ancient Shiite Sunni conflict, dating back to not long after the invention of Islam.

    ISIS is Sunni, Al Qeada is Sunni. At war with the Shiites right now. In Pakistan, one frequent target for persecution and terrorism are the local Shiites. Many are refugees.

    PS I’m not sure how much influence Iran has on Beirut or Damascus anyway. The other ancient conflict in the middle east is between Persian and Arab. They never seem to forget a hate even if it has lasted for millennia. The whole middle east operates on the idea that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Look, it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know what places are where. That’s why we have Smart Bombs.

  • John Pieret

    Pierce R. Butler:

    Well, I did mean a good thing for Cotton … not the rest of us.

  • ambassadorfromverdammt

    @7 Modusoperandi

    How smart can they be if they don’t take out folks like Tom Cotton?

  • http://www.gregory-gadow.net Gregory in Seattle

    He’s a supergenius. Just like Wile E. Coyote.

  • Who Cares

    Have to admit that it is pretty funny how he phrased that.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    ambassadorfromverdammt, awfully smart, in the same way that police dogs are smart for not biting police.

  • coffeehound

    @ 9,

    How smart can they be if they don’t take out folks like Tom Cotton?

    They don’t work on him because they only target smart people. That’s why they’re called smart bombs. Duh. /Cotton

  • 4ozofreason

    Not sure if stupid or just letting the cover slip, as the Republicans think the US ought to control Tehran.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    We have even worse problems than that: the Russians control Moscow, and the French control Paris!

    4ozofreason @ # 14 – let me FTFY:

    … the Republicans think the US ought to control Tehran again.

  • Scr… Archivist

    Tom Cotton

    – Born in 1977

    – Elected to the Senate from Arkansas in 2014

    – Voter turnout was an estimated 41.2%

    – Cotton received 56.5% of the vote, but that was only about 23% of eligible voters.

    His chief employers are:

    – Club for Growth — corporatist, anti-democracy organization

    – Elliott Management Corporation — management affiliate of US hedge funds Elliott Associates L.P. and Elliott International Limited; CEO is billionaire Paul Singer, who opposes government regulation of finance

    – Stephens Group — a private investment firm representing the interests of Witt Stephens, Jr. and Elizabeth S. Campbell.; based in Little Rock

    – Senate Conservatives Fund — far-right Republican PAC; seeks to abolish the IRS and defund and repeal the Affordable Care Act

    – Goldman Sachs — multinational investment banking firm

    – Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher — a powerful law firm based in Los Angeles; defends powerful corporations in environmental cases; Ted Olson is one of their partners

    – Koch Industries — you probably already know about them

    – Citadel LLC — Financial market, Hedge fund Management

    – Crow Holdings

    – Citizens for Prosperity in America Today

    http://votesmart.org/candidate/campaign-finance/135651/tom-cotton#.VQhcA45GQsI

  • theguy

    “How dare they control their own capitol city! It’s an outrage!”

    Reminds me of some other (politician, was it?) who claimed that Hezbollah was Iran’s path to the sea, ignoring that Iran has its own coastline.

  • lorn

    On the upside he is tough and not entirely unintelligent. The CIB and Ranger tab are not gained without doing the work.

    I suspect he simply misspoke, foot in mouth disease. He deserves some ridicule and as senator, with a staff, he really needs to get his act together. But no big deal.

    That said, he has clearly been indoctrinated in conservative thought, political theory, and has reconciled himself with making his way by catering to and serving the interests of those with power and wealth. He had tacked his flag to the side working for well ordered nation of princes and peasants.

  • CJO, egregious by any standard

    War /wôr/ n. Americans’ primary means of learning geography

    We just haven’t bombed Iran, or had troops there, recently enough. How’s he supposed to know what the capital is?

  • blf

    If he did misspeak, any idea what he had intended to say?

  • colnago80

    On a related note, here’s an OPED from today’s Washington Post by a noted neocon who apparently thinks that Bibi is soft on Iran. I would bet that Dr. Muravchik will not be volunteering his lily white ass to join an invasion force of boots on the ground in Iran.

    http://goo.gl/cYwfA1

  • http://www.scienceworksmagazine.com DanDare

    Don’t these idiots even know how to use Google maps?

  • dan4

    @21: “I would bet that Dr. Muravchik will be not volunteering his lily white ass to join an invasion force…”

    Uh, that’s because Muravchik is 67 years old. Christ, you jackass.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    dan4 “Uh, that’s because Muravchik is 67 years old. Christ, you jackass.”

    Yeah. That’s too bad. He would volunteer for the wars he’s for, but {snaps fingers} gosh darned it, he’s too old to enlist. Sure is a pity, really. He sure wanted to go over there with you boys {light punch on your shoulder}. Well, give ’em hell, lads, and he’ll cheer for you again after you return, turn around, then go to get on the plane to take you back over there or to another war he and others like him (few of which have anything personal to lose in them) helped to start in the meantime. You kids are a god damned national treasure, really. It’s awful that we have to put you in harm’s way for wars of choice that make things worse for everybody. Especially you. Or your widow. Just remember to avenge us for 9/11. Never forget.

    {short pause}

    Well, anyway, come back home, safe and sound, boys {lightly and momentarily rests his hand on your shoulder}. He would stay to see the rest of you off, but he’s got all those sabers…you understand. They aren’t going to rattle themselves.

  • sezme

    Following Modus …

    And when you do finally get back, don’t come whining to me about poor funding for the VA. If walking sticks were good enough for our brave Confederate soldiers, they’re good enough for you.

  • lorn

    blf @ 20:

    I don’t know but I assume that what happened was the inadvertent inclusion of reflexive memory recall into his claim. Everyone has seen that sort of automatic recall. Its like when someone person ‘A’ mentions a state or nation and person ‘B’ is compelled to recite what little they know about that location.

    A- Where are you from?

    b- Kentucky.

    A- So you drink whiskey and work at the derby do you?

    I suspect Cotton wanted to cover his talking point about Iran (as brainless as that may be) and after mentioning Iran his recall of their capital got involuntarily incorporated into the sentence.

    His comment: ““Moreover, we have to stand up to Iran’s attempts to drive for regional dominance,” he continued. “They already control Tehran and, increasingly, they control Damascus and Beirut and Baghdad. And now, Sana’a as well.”

    If you excise the first bit about Tehran you get: … “increasingly, they control Damascus and Beirut and Baghdad. And now, Sana’a as well.” The point is wrong, and largely irreverent, but it makes sense.

    Cotton is clearly a deeply twisted and indoctrinated right-wing zealot but he is slightly less than stupid. I find it uncharitable to nail him on such a trivial misstatement. I am not going to stoop that low and I think it unhealthy to any progressive cause to reflexively take advantage. Not because the right doesn’t deserve a knock, rather because it is too easy and sets a standard for laziness and reflexively underestimating opponents.

    To the extent practicable I would think that it would be wiser in the long term to avoid the easy points caused by common human error and instead focus on nailing them on matters of principle.

  • dingojack

    Dan – I looked up Muravchik on Wiki, but it seems to be missing the bit where he joined up in January 1966 (lying a bit about his age) then lead the Marines in storming Hanoi (armed only with a M-16 and bandolier of grenades), singlehandedly winning the 2nd Indochinese War for Gen. Nguyễn Văn Thiệu and a grateful (South) Vietnamese nation (just in time for their 1967 Elections).

    Perhaps you could edit the article to improve its truthiness.

    @@ Dingo

  • colnago80

    Re Dan4 @ #23

    Gee, another example of an old fart recommending sending young men out to die.

    To elaborate on Dingo’s comment, chickenhawk Muravchik was born in 1947 making him eligible for the draft in 1965. I bet he used student deferments to dodge it until they went to a draft order based on birth date which maybe gave him a high number (my number was 339 which meant that the Red Army would have to be poised in Baja California to invade before they would be taking anyone with that high a draft number).

    A Google search fails to turn up evidence of military service on Muravchik’s part. Apparently, that didn’t stop draft dodger Muravchik from criticizing Kerry’s military service in Vietnam. As usual, Dan4 gets into bed with pigs.