Beck: Take This Responsibility From Me, Lord

Glenn Beck loves to claim that he’s the only one who really knows the future and expresses his frustration that others can’t see it too. God has given him this great insight, but to show you just how humble a guy he really is, Glenn wishes he didn’t have to be the Lord’s spokesman.

After Beck spent an entire segment scrawling an incoherent map on his chalkboard to demonstrate how this will all play out, co-host Stu Burguiere helpfully summed up Beck’s convoluted theory as “Russia versus the Caliphate trying to divide up Europe,” which prompted Beck to predict that in this coming conflict, the West will side with Russia and fascism.

“You watch. That’s what’s coming,” Beck said. “That’s what’s coming.”

Beck then sat back down at his desk and started once again complaining that he doesn’t “want to be this guy” who spends all of this time laying out dire scenarios on his chalkboard, but that is what God has called him to do and so he will continue doing it “because there’s nobody else that sees the world the way I see it.”

“I don’t want to be this guy,” he said. “I’m tired of this. I can’t tell you how much I want to get away from the damn chalkboard and I don’t want to be the guy telling you the bad news. But it’s part of my job and it’s part of my calling and so I will do it.”

If you don’t want to buy into Beck’s warnings, he said, you are free to ignore him but “there’s no reason to call me a kook or anything else.”

Actually Glenn, God told me to tell you that he isn’t really talking to you at all and that you’re completely full of shit. I didn’t want to be the one chosen to tell you that. I begged him to give that terrible responsibility to someone else, but apparently I’m just so special that I’m the only who can do it.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • grumpyoldfart

    God asked me first, but I told him to get stuffed.

  • Loqi

    …apparently I’m just so special that I’m the only who can do it.

    Nonsense. Telling Beck he’s full of shit is a responsibility we all must share.

  • dingojack

    Poor Ol’ Glenny — It must be tough being a reverse Cassandra*.

    :( Dingo

    ————

    * cursed to foretell the future but to be always wrong, and then only believed by credulous cretins…

  • John Pieret

    Beck:

    “… if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done!”

    Ego much?

  • Pierce R. Butler

    “I don’t want to be this guy,” he said.

    That makes it unanimous: nobody would want to be Glenn Beck.

  • dingojack

    So god told you the Secularists are going to gang-up with the Russians to defeat the Muslim Caliphate and divvy out Europe between them, he told Ken Graves that the Secularists are going to gang up with the Muslims to create a ‘Humanist Caliphate’ (whatever that is), he told Rick Wiles that America was Babylon (lucky ISIL has only control of Tehran eh?) so Christians should flee to Manus Island (or somewhere), and he told James Robison to take over the government (not flee at all) to ‘shake demons’…

    Hmmmm … has god gone off his/her/its meds again?

    @@

    Dingo

  • raven

    I’m wondering if Glenn Beck is making the LDS leadership in Vatican City (SLC), Utah a bit nervous.

    1. They already have a Chief Prophet, Seer, and Revelator, the title of the Mormon Pope. It’s his job to channel God and Jesus.

    2. The Mormon church has had big problems with self appointed prophets before. It’s easy to claim to be a prophet and Make Stuff Up. That is after all, what Joseph Smith did and how the Mormons got started

    This means the $hurch has had major problems with schismatics. There are around 100, and some of them like the faith healing cults and polygamists are quite malevolent. Seems like every few years, a new self appointed prophet appears in LDSland and does something, often horrible. A few years ago, one of them kidnapped a young girl in SLC and made her a sex slave/wife. He’s in prison now. A few months ago, an entire family committed suicide to escape the End Times.

    3. OTOH, the top three concerns of the Mormon leaders are money, money, and money. As long as Glenn Beck tithes, most likely they aren’t even going to notice what he says.

  • Sastra

    I can’t tell you how much I want to get away from the damn chalkboard and I don’t want to be the guy telling you the bad news. But it’s part of my job and it’s part of my calling and so I will do it.”

    Only the True messiah denies his divinity. Or finds it wearisome.

    If you don’t want to buy into Beck’s warnings, he said, you are free to ignore him but “there’s no reason to call me a kook or anything else.”

    That doesn’t follow.

  • mistertwo

    “… because there’s nobody else that sees the world the way I see it.”

    That should be a clue, Glenn!

  • Michael Heath

    God told me that the only person he’s revealing the future to is Victoria Jackson.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Glenn Beck is a TV preacher. It’s that simple.

  • felidae

    Glennie, please cut it out–don’t tell us how tired you are of doomsaying–its made you a very rich man, so if you want to end it, just tell your gaggle of rubes it was all a put on and go count your money at your walled estate

  • anubisprime

    If you don’t want to buy into Beck’s warnings, he said, you are free to ignore him but “there’s no reason to call me a kook or anything else.”

    Err yes there is a good reason to call you a kook Glenn…that would be because you are!…a rich one maybe…but a kook all the same!

  • Nick Gotts

    Sastra@8, anubisprime@13,

    Maybe “no need to call me a kook” is Glenn hinting that of course he doesn’t believe any of the claptrap he spouts – it’s all about the money.

  • dingojack

    Glenny — referring to yourself, by name, in the third person is the mark of an A-grade kook.

    Dingo