How to Know When You’re a Prophet

I loves me some Cindy Jacobs. This self-declared “prophet” provides an endless supply of statements to mock. Hemant found a great video of her interviewing another self-declared “prophet,” who explained when she first knew she had the gift of prophecy. It was when she could tell what was going to happen in movies she was watching.

Rebecca Greenwood: … And I’m really good at going to movies. And I didn’t know why. And lots of times, we could be sitting, watching a movie, and I’d look at Greg even before I understood I was a prophet, and I’m like, “This is gonna happen. This is gonna happen. This is gonna be the outcome.” So lots of times, he would tell me, “Don’t tell me what’s gonna happen at the movie. If you understand before it’s happening, I don’t wanna know before it happens.”

Cindy Jacobs: You know, my gift doesn’t work like that at movies, and I don’t go to that many, but Mike’s does! And I hate that! I go, “Now, I do not wanna know the outcome,” you know, I deal with nations…

Mike Jacobs: And that’s not prophetic with me…

Cindy Jacobs: Oh, he doesn’t know. He’s very prophetic.

I presume they then shared some of that spaghetti from Jacobs’ bottomless bowl.

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  • Larry

    Man, the bar for being called a prophet these days is set pretty damn low. Next time, maybe Cindy can find a prophet amongst those who can amaze her with card tricks.

  • matty1

    With most movies it must be a tiny number who are not prophets at least with regards to the general plot line.

  • Bronze Dog

    Wow. I had no idea my ability to predict how a story was going to turn out was based on the divine. I always figured it was my ability to recognize tropes, patterns, foreshadowing, and apply a fiction-oriented version of the anthropic principle. (“Because if it didn’t happen, there wouldn’t be a story.”)

  • Al Dente

    Just last week I was reading a murder mystery and I knew whodunit before the ending j’accuse. I must be psychic or psychotic, one or t’other.

  • Artor

    OMG! I’m a prophet too! I dropped something yesterday, and I just knew it was going to hit the ground! Guess what? I was right! You can’t explain that!

  • ArtK

    Crap! I’ve been a prophet all this time and didn’t know it! Heck, I’ve even been able to predict the dialog at times, so take that Rebecca Greenwood. Pass the spaghetti, please.

    I wonder if her “predictions” were as earth-shattering as realizing that at least one of the teenagers wandering in the haunted woods by themselves is going to be killed? One of my favorite divination tools for movies is Chekov’s Gun.

  • Nemo

    Hey, I must be a prophet too! I can sometimes predict song lyrics that I’ve never heard before. It’s not because they’re obvious rhymes and fit the context, it’s prophecy!

  • Modusoperandi

    Small world. I’m a TV prophet. I turn it on and right when the episode starts, I just know that the Duke boys are gonna get themselves in to a whole mess of trouble this time.

  • grumpyoldfart

    I predict that Cindy Jacobs will make lots of money this year.

  • dingojack

    grumpyoldfart – I just knew


  • dingojack

    … You can ‘prophesy’ the rest yourself.


  • favog

    I’m going on record, right now, with the prophecy that The Avengers will win, and Ultron will lose. (It’s also possible that Thor will say something like, “Ultron, we would have words with thee.”) If that works out, I’ll be sure and tell all of you what to do with your entire lives from there on.

  • dannorth

    It’s not following the Law of the the Lord but rather the Law of narrative causality.

  • anthrosciguy

    Here’s what movie night with Rebecca Greenwood is like:

  • anubisprime

    Cindy Jacobs…

    I deal with nations

    Don’t sell yourself short there Cindy doll…Your CV must be awesome…

    As for the other bozo…a dim 12 yr old being channeled surely shirley?

  • Marcus Ranum

    I saw a Michael Bay movie and predicted before it even started that it was going to have explosions and product placements and otherwise suck. Am I a prophet!? OMG!?

  • Al Dente

    I saw the movie Titanic and [SPOILER ALERT] I knew the ship would sink.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Oh so she’s the one who ruined The Crying Game for everyone.

  • lorn

    So being a prophet is really all about memorizing the standard array of movie tropes and plot sequences, being aware of foreshadowing, and being tuned into the lazy habits of screen writers?

  • yoav

    Next time, maybe Cindy can find a prophet amongst those who can amaze her with card tricks.

    People who do card tricks are witches and should be burned at the stake.