Glenn Beck vs the GOP: Battle to the Death

After saying he was tired of politics and was going to stop focusing on it so much, Glenn Beck has picked a fight with the Republican party and, in his typically melodramatic fashion, has declared that it’s a battle to the death — and that he’ll probably be vanquished in his brave attempt at…well, something.

“I really believe this is the opening of a can of whoop-ass that is not resealed,” Beck said, “and this is the entryway to a world of really bad darkness in the GOP that, if we continue to go down, which we are, you’re going to find all sorts of really bad stuff here.”

“This is a zero-sum game,” he said. “Only one of us is going to be standing at the end, I think … I don’t think we’re the ones that survive this game because there are so many really powerful people on the other side.”

Oh, but don’t worry Glenn. You’ll “die” as the martyr you so badly wish you could be. Climb up on that cross and make yourself comfortable, buddy.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • StevoR

    OMFSM!

    Beck gets something right for once! He probably will indeed be “vanquished” (as in lose out here) as per usual.

  • Larry

    Coming this Spring, Glenn Beck as you’ve never seen him before, starring as Don “Don” Quixote in the epic movie of the year: Tilting At The Windmills Of Your Mind.

    See him take on the whole corrupt GOP structure (here, metaphorically represented by the windmill, but you already figured that out). Will he win? Will he lose? Who knows. It pays the bills.

    Opening soon.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    You really should reseal whoop-ass, or it’ll go bad. At least refridgerate it.

  • John Pieret

    Don’t worry! Warrior Santa Clause will save him in the end!

  • bruceheerssen
  • D. C. Sessions

    Modus, you may get a thrill out of cold whoop-ass but the rest of us prefer ours prewarmed.

    Just sayin’.

  • Loqi

    I hope it’s a draw.

  • whheydt

    Hmmm…. Beck vs. GOP “to the death.” Not sure which side to root for. Maybe we’ll be really lucky and it’ll be a “double kill” and both die.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Relax, it’s only a battle to the brain-death – and both sides have already won.

  • John Hinkle

    Maybe Beck should infuse a goblet of wine with iocane powder and challenge the GOP to a battle of wits.

  • John Hinkle

    Oops, forgot. First Beck and the GOP have to climb the Cliffs of Insanity.

  • lorn

    To me this looks like just another rich asshole trying use his wealth and connections to force government, by way of the GOP, to shift to the right a few notches more.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    @John Kinkle #11

    I thought that they were there already!