The Prayer Warriors are Descending on New York City

Cindy Jacobs, my favorite fake “prophet,” says that the economy is on shaky ground, so she’s taking a team of “prayer warriors” to New York City for…what? A prayerathon? A pray-in on Wall Street? A group pray-off between two groups called the Sharks and the Jets?

Praying for the Economy

Also, people have asked questions about the economy, and things really look like they could be shaking. But we are preparing to take prayer teams from all of our states, all our state generals to New York City in April, and we’re going to be praying for the economy specifically, asking God to help mitigate against shaking coming. I mean, it’s not just one prophet; it’s many that have been talking about some things coming up economically, even forecasters that do this for a living. But God. And so we want to pray together and give prayer points on how to pray. We’re very excited about that.

I picture a posse of prayer warriors acting as vigilantes, tracking down bad guys and yelling “Stop, or I’ll mumble to the sky for no reason!” Or this:

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    … asking God to help mitigate against shaking coming

    I hate it when they speak in tongues. I can never understand what they’re saying.

  • Sastra

    I can imagine that for a lot of people the thought of being a “prayer warrior” with a special means of fixing complicated problems is a very heady and gratifying feeling. It’s power — but not the kind of power that makes you look controlling and arrogant. Nor is it the kind of power which requires intelligence or hard work. It’s the sort of power a sweet little child has, who need only ask for something simply, sincerely, and with an adorable trust and air of complete dependence … and Daddy’s heart melts and he Fixes The Problem.

    If only all warriors could harness the force of God! Behold our mighty awesomeness! Bet you wouldn’t think it to look at us!

    Of course, when it doesn’t work they will find a way to figure out how it DID work. The bar on “seeing God’s helping hand in events” is remarkably low and extraordinarily flexible. The economy can totally tank and somehow the Prayer Warriors will figure out that they and their exercise of faith-in-action made a real difference.

  • raven

    I can spot a shopping trip when I see one.

    She’s going to New York to have lunch with her friends and go shopping. Using loot she got from her clueless followers.

    Which will indeed help the consumer based US economy.

  • alanb

    A pray-off between the San Jose Sharks and the New York Jets might be interesting but I’m unsure if they would be praying for goals or touchdowns.

  • Larry

    Is it really necessary to be in a specific location in order to make prayers effective? Does the power of prayers fall off as the square of distance, like gravity? Is the power of prayers additive? In other words, is a prayer said by one any less effective than a prayer said by hundreds? And if multiple people say a prayer, do they have to say it in synchronism? Is a prayer that is yelled out-loud more likely to get attention than one that is said only in the mind?

    Whatever the answers, New York has got a bottomless bowl of spaghetti feast coming up!

  • Mr Ed

    . But we are preparing to take prayer teams from all of our states

    Maybe this is something like synchronized swimming completion. “Well Tom the prayer team from Oklahoma is looking strong this year and is favored to win, they just need to get past Florida in the standardized prayer round.” “I think you’re right Brett, if we look at them in the preliminary round you’ll see pray worrier number 3 was just a bit out of sync making the sign of the cross and that cost points with the judges.”

  • busterggi

    Where were her prayers back in ’07 when the economy crashed?

  • caseloweraz

    Larry: Is it really necessary to be in a specific location in order to make prayers effective?

    I seem to recall some Christian group heading down to Haiti a few years ago to pray in aid of those injured by the earthquake. So evidently some people think proximity does matter.

  • wreck

    “… asking God to help mitigate against shaking coming”

    But that’s the best kind!

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    At least they won’t have to worry about feeding everyone. Spaghetti for all!

  • caseloweraz

    Mr. Ed: Maybe this is something like synchronized swimming completion.

    More like a bowling tournament, I think. The commentators would have to whisper so that the details of the prayer performances can be clearly perceived, and so that they don’t distract the competing teams.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Prayer: for those who want to do nothing but be seen to care.

  • D. C. Sessions

    Don’t diss the Prayer Warriors. Remember when they descended upon Texas to fix the drought there? Now compare the lush fields of Texas to the Divine Retribution that is smiting California with its immorality and taxes!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    To be fair, it will be pretty sweet. Racing around in their van, Face scrounging components, Mr T resisting getting on a plane flown by Murdock, Hannibal expressing his joy at having his plan come together.

    Now you’ll have The Pray Team theme stuck in your head all day. You can thank me later.

  • dingojack

    caseloweraz (#11) – Kind like this?

    😉 Dingo

  • dannorth

    Worrisome

    The Transcental Méditation folks have tried elite meditation teams to Washington D.C. so that their good vibes would curb crime. It was a peak year for criminality.

  • dingojack

    Yes — but will they levitate the Pentagon on their way home?

    Dingo

  • fusilier
  • Nick Gotts

    Larry@5,

    Well you have to remember God’s several thousand years old, so neither his hearing nor his memory are what they were. Lots of LOUD PRAYERS, repeated as often as possible, are the best way to get through to him. Of course it would be best to pray in his own language, Hebrew, but as we Brits and Americans both know, speaking loudly in English is the way to deal with foreigners!

  • https://www.facebook.com/joseph.sexton.7 Joseph Sexton

    It’s deja vu all over again. In October, 2008, a bunch of christians gathered in New York’s financial district to pray for the economy. The spot they chose was interesting. They gathered around the big golden bull. I guess if they paid more attention to their bibles, they might have known that praying in front of a golden bull was tried before, and it ended very badly. Fortunately, in 2008, there was no smiting, except of republican presidential candidates. The praying doesn’t seem to have helped the economy, though.

    Perhaps this bunch will have another photo op with the golden bull. Perhaps this time there god will be paying attention, and smitings will follow. Or not.

  • John Pieret

    she’s taking a team of “prayer warriors” to New York City

    [Shrug] New York already has a plethora of people wandering around aimlessly muttering to themselves. Nobody is going to notice them.

  • grumpyoldfart

    A little later in her video she gives a prophecy from the Lord himself and sums it up by saying:

    Well that’s a turnaround, and that’s a suddenly.

  • Francisco Bacopa

    I wonder if Cindy is going to blame NYC’s problems on a “generational curse” from some local Native American tribe. She blamed the sinful nature of Houston and the Texas drought on the Karankawa at Perry’s prayer rally back in 2011. Interestingly, since a few months after Cindy said this, the former Karankawa territories have been getting plenty of rain while rest of Texas remains in near-drought with a few areas in severe drought. The Atakampan and Caddo territories are getting lots of rain too.

  • felidae

    Cindy, could you please have your fine folks pray for my oil company stocks–they have been taking quite a hit lately, Thanks

  • Numenaster

    So Francisco, are you saying the the Great Spirit was listening after all?

  • lorn

    Always a bummer when you’re out of bud and down to shake. The only thing worse is being down to stems and seeds.

    Either way your best bet is to call your dealer, talking to your invisible supernatural friend doesn’t help.

  • http://motherwell.livejournal.com/ Raging Bee

    Wow…this shit is incoherent, even by religious-blithering-deepities standards. This is the kind of mindless pseudo-ecstatic nonsense for which the term “Christurbation” was invented.

  • jnorris

    Larry@5, according the the book many of her kind thump, one only needs three people to pray* to get things done.

    *Provided they have faith the size of a mustard seed (non-GMO).