Peterson: Baltimore All Part of Obama’s Fiendish Plans

Jesse Lee Peterson, who would need a promotion to get to be an idiot, has pulled back the curtain on the situation in Baltimore and found — surprise, surprise — Obama standing behind it. It’s all part of his evil plot, you see, to take over all the nation’s police forces and redistribute wealth.

After Malzberg complained that America is being turned into a “criminal-friendly nation,” Peterson declared that Obama is intentionally fomenting civil unrest in Baltimore so that he can seize control of every police force in the country.

“Barack Obama believes in the redistribution of wealth,” he said, “he believes in the redistribution of power, so if he can keep these blacks angry and under his control by stroking them, they’re going to bring the chaos. And once the chaos comes, then Barack Obama, as he said in his speech, he can federalize the police departments around the country so that he can redistribute the power and wealth. That’s what this is all about. He is pulling their strings by stroking their egos and making the feel good about being wrong for his own personal gain.”

And he would have gotten away with it too…

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  • NVSkeptic

    Why do all of these conspiracy nuts choose the plots of bad action movies for their conspiracy theories? I would like something more original… Obama is really Putin wearing a Mission Impossible style mask. Putin is secretly gay (the shirtless photos are the tip) and is bringing about the gay/communist state in America. (Russia, but more colorful and flamboyant.) The left wing of SCOTUS & Roberts have been replaced by gay robots from the future that flourish in Putin’s gay/commie America and come back in time to make sure it happens. They move the gay marriage agenda forward. Obama/Putin sends gay black males into all of the major inner cities (Baltimore being the latest) to antagonize super-hetero white police officers with their icky butt sex and good fashion sense. The riots allow Obama/Putin to declare martial law, and place all Christians in FEMA camps, which are actually huge, mostly underground space ships set to take the Christians to Hell–a shitty planet in the Vega system–where they will be forced to bake cakes and do flower arrangements for the weddings of their alien overlords. The aliens have 3 sexes and each must marry into their own sex, copulating at the marriage altar with the aid of Christian children, in order to procreate.

    That’s a conspiracy I could get behind.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Obama’s fomenting all this unrest? Thank goodness we know now. Now we can go back to ignoring everythi…hold on, my car’s being pulled over. Pardon, officer? The taillight’s out? My apologies. Yes, I do have I.D. Here it [bang bang bang].

  • blf

    “Republican” is now spelled “Obama”. Then it makes sense: Redistribute any remaining wealth to Faux & Kochroche Bros., and Have the policegoons shoot anyone who objects.

  • comfychair

    Because, of course, transferring wealth upward from poor people to rich people isn’t ‘redistribution’, it’s just the natural order of things.

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    That’s almost as bad as saying that Gray broke his own neck to make Baltimore’s police look bad. Surely nobody’d be crude and stupid enough to say something like that?!

  • John Pieret

    Obama is the worst president ever because he is so incompetent that he has taken over every aspect of the nation.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    I love how JLP manages to make ‘redistribution’ have contradictory meanings in the same use of the word. Redistribution of wealth means that Obama is a communist, of course, i.e. he wants to redistribute wealth widely. But redistribution of power means that Obama is a nazi fascist, because he wants to gather all the power in the country into his own hands. When you think about it, Obama may be America’s most cunning president ever.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Obama is Two Face, but in his case it’s the Right that flips the coin.