Scientologists to the Rescue in Nepal

As innumerable other organizations, including Foundation Beyond Belief, mobilize to get food, water, medical supplies and other necessities to Nepal after two horrific earthquakes, the “Church” of Scientology is sending e-meters and “volunteer ministers” instead.

Scientologists profess a range of supernatural powers. They claim the ability to turn drunk people sober in minutes. A Scientologist can heal the traumatized, so they say, simply by reconnecting a victim’s body with a “thetan,” or immortal spirits.

None of this is backed by medical science. But that hasn’t stopped Scientologists from flying to Nepal — alongside many other religious and spiritual groups — to practice dubious healing techniques on grieving earthquake survivors…

This Scientologist disaster squad is dispatched to deliver their signature healing techniques. Called “assists,” these procedures don’t involve medicine or medical equipment. They usually amount to a set of verbal commands along with some with light touching, such as running fingers up a person’s spine. Trauma victims are often asked to re-enact painful events at the location in which they occurred.

The purported effects of “assists” are nothing short of miraculous.

They claim grief will evaporate from a traumatized mind. They claim serious injuries can rapidly heal. According to The Scientology Handbook, “accidents and illness and bacterial infection are predetermined in almost all cases by spiritual malfunction” and Scientologists can fix these ailments by addressing a person’s inner thetan.

Yeah, bacterial infections are caused by thetans, which explains why they’re easily knocked out (except in the most extreme cases) by a dose of antibiotics. Antibiotics must be like kryptonite to those thetans. They’re doing absolutely nothing there except scamming people and wasting their time.

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  • blf

    Nepal has been strongly criticised for delaying — with customs inspections and other obstacles — incoming supplies and expertise. However, here is a group which should be denied visas, and if they do show up, deported.

  • Callinectes

    They did this in Haiti, too. They turned up with no supplies of their own, not even toilet paper. I think they expected to stay in a hotel, somehow protected and apart from the situation.

  • Olav

    Blf, you say deported. I say incarcerated, fined for all they are worth and then deported. But that last step only because they could otherwise become a burden on the Nepalese prison system. Else I would say keep them.

    But seriously, I hope the Nepalese will see these MFers for what they are. And that if they can’t keep them out, they can at least make them wish they didn’t come.

    Not much money to squeeze out of earthquake victims in a poor country anyway, I would reckon.

  • grumpyoldfart

    #3 says:

    Not much money to squeeze out of earthquake victims in a poor country anyway, I would reckon.

    There’s power and control – for some people that’s more important than money.

  • Marcus Ranum

    They’re no worse than proselytizing christians. Fuck ’em all.

  • carpenterman

    Do these shmucks have to use the word “science” in their name? Can they be called “Jackoffologists” or something?

  • lorn

    I say we make lemonade out of those lemons. Slip charcoal and some sauce into the Scientologist’s packs and have a BBQ. Scientologists are wealthy and more likely to be vegetarians, grain fed, quite healthy, and fairly philosophical about death. People in disaster areas need protein.

  • Brent

    Two things about this:

    1) Scientology also claims to have a “bring back to life assist,” which basically consists of screaming at the invisible dead alien space cooties (thetans) surrounding a corpse to “get back in the body.” Hubbard claimed he was always able to make this work.

    2) The Volunteer Ministers are basically a financial fraud. They send a handful of ill-trained amateurs in bright yellow T-shirts to the scene for a couple of photo ops that instantly turn into fund-raising pitches. There is no independent evidence (newspaper reports, TV news film) of significant numbers of them making any difference at all.

    In fact, coverage at the blog of Tony Ortega, an award-winning journalist who covers this odious cult, is replete with many examples of their ineptitude. My favorite: how one of them found some pallets of bottled water, which she started handing out. Only problem: it was being used as radiation shielding at a makeshift X-ray facility set up to evaluate wounded.

  • Raging Bee

    They’re no worse than proselytizing christians.

    Yes, they are, by a significant margin. There are plenty of Christian charity groups who, odious though their beliefs may be, are at least competent in the area of material assistance to disaster victims, and who do exponentially more good than $cientology’s clueless clowns.

    Please stop automatically saying all religious groups are the same. It’s lazy, stupid and false, and it only allows the worst of the lot to pretend they’re as good as the best.