Texas Totally Falls for Flooding Ruse

Man, people in Texas are so gullible. They foolishly think that all that flooding going on is naturally caused and are totally falling for President Obama’s generous offer of help from FEMA to aid in their recovery from what has become a major natural disaster.

President Obama said Tuesday he spoke to Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) and pledged federal assistance to help the state recover from catastrophic flooding.

“I assured Gov. Abbott that he could count on the help of the federal government,” Obama told reporters in the Oval Office. “I will anticipate that there will be some significant requests made to Washington. My pledge to him is that we will expedite those requests.”

Oh come on, Texas, really? You can’t see that you’re being conned? Those floods aren’t natural, they were caused by Obama’s chemtrail weather-changing machine. It’s all part of Operation Saul Alinsky, a plot to weaken the resolve of patriotic Texans into allowing federal personnel into the state, who will then round them up and send them to those FEMA concentration camps. Then they’ll be replaced by illegal immigrants and members of ISIS, who have undergone plastic surgery at a secret facility owned by George Soros so they look just like the people they’re replacing.

Obama has been hiding all those millions of new citizens in America’s national parks, where no one would ever notice them. They’ve all been trained to act like Real Americans, complete with AR-15s and pickup trucks with gun racks, but soon enough they’ll go about the business of seizing all the guns in the country and forcing Christians to get gay married.

And you dolts fell for it hook, line and sinker! It’s the oldest trick in the book. Glenn Beck will be along soon to pull out his trusty blackboard and remind you that he warned you all about it 5 years ago when he said, “Mark my words, bad things are going to happen.” But did you listen? Nooooooo. You’ll have plenty of time to think about how naive you were in those secret FEMA camps.

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  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R2XG9CnOj8 Olav

    It would be funny it this gets linked en tweeted and whatever, so that it becomes a new conspiracy theory.

  • themadtapper

    You think it’s a coincidence that Jade Helmet is scheduled to occur after Texas has been weakened by intense flooding? During the chaos that will ensue after the Supreme Court opens the gates of Hell legalizes gay marriage, the US military will attack flood-weakened Texas and all will be lost.

  • Taz

    It has nothing to do with Obama. They just didn’t turn off the rain prayers soon enough!

  • raven

    Those floods aren’t natural, they were caused by Obama’s chemtrail weather-changing machine.

    Also known as HAARP weapons systems.

    It’s all part of the UN/Illuminati world depopulation program.

  • thebookofdave

    @themadtapper

    Jade Helm 15 is only a distraction. No one knows the location of Jade Helms 1-14. We are probably all in occupied territory by now. Wake up, Sheeple!

  • John Pieret
  • carpenterman

    So where are all the “sovereign citizen” types now? Why aren’t they raving about the evil Federal Government sticking it’s nose into local matters where it doesn’t belong? Oh, right, that only happens when they have to obey a law they don’t like. Or maybe (Dog forbid) when they have to pay the taxes that make things like Federal disaster relief possible.

  • coragyps

    That’s not half of it, Ed! We here near Big Spring (pronounced “big springs”), Texas know what has happened to all those drilling rigs that once dotted our countryside: several of them are inside the Midland Wal-Mart – the one with “plumbing problems” – and are drilling tunnels!!1!! Yes, tunnels between the network of closed Wal-Marts across the country and to the existing tunnels in El Paso, which FEMA is renting from the drug cartels in Juarez, so that the stealth ISIS Mexistani troops can infiltrate all over the place! Why, they will be within striking distance of Oral Roberts University from the Tulsa Wal-Mart!!11! They’ll convert it into a madrasa like our Kenyan-in-chief went to!

    It’s a good thing everybody out here is armed all times except when taking a shower….

  • jaybee

    carpenterman, they will suffer no cognitive dissonance over accepting FEMA dollars. You see, they are just getting back money that they paid to the feds in the first place (as if that didn’t apply to all federal programs).

  • Trebuchet

    The rains in Texas have nothing to do with Obama, Global Warning, Jade Helm, HAARP, or praying for rain. It’s God’s punishment upon Ireland for passing gay marriage. Bad aim, and all that.

  • D. C. Sessions

    It’s a good thing everybody out here is armed all times except when taking a shower….

    That’s why the rain is so important: it disarms y’all.

  • colnago80

    To further the irony here, Ted Cruz has called on the federal government to provide aid, the same Ted Cruz who voted against providing aid to New Jersey and New York during hurricane Sandy. Talk about hypocrisy.

  • sinned34

    I just saw a headline on Fox News: “Atheist blogger Ed Brayton admits Texas flooding is Liberal plot to invade Texas.”

  • Al Dente

    Comrade Barack,

    The weather modification aspect of Jadehelm 15 is working perfectly. We’ll be sending the black helicopters to Texas to transport Christians to the FEMA camps at REDACTED and REDACTED as soon as Comrade Brayton gives us the code word on his blog. Praise be to Allah.

  • busterggi

    Texans love love their secession until a natural disaster occurs.

  • grumpyoldfart

    I thought the floods were the answers to Rick Perry’s prayers to end the drought.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Days_of_Prayer_for_Rain_in_the_State_of_Texas

  • https://plus.google.com/107095827599382907783 NS Alito

    thebookofdave @5

    Wake up, Sheeple!

    Er, don’t do that. https://xkcd.com/1013/

  • speedwell

    Oh, it’s not that so much as that Houstonians saw what happened to Hurricane Katrina refugees (a lot of which are now Houstonians) once FEMA got involved (to the extent they got involved), and they (superstitiously or out of racial prejudice) don’t want to be like THEM.

  • amadan

    Your title is misleading.

    The word “gullible” is not in the dictionary.