Fischer: Texas Flooding Due to ‘Witchcraft and Sodomy’

Our old pal Bryan Fischer took a call on his radio show from a woman who claimed that the flooding in Texas is a result of “witchcraft and sodomy” because only big cities like Austin and Houston are affected. Fischer, of course, agreed with her.

On his radio program today, Bryan Fischer took a call from “Rebecca in College Station, Texas” who shared her theory that the massive flooding taking place in Texas is God’s punishment for “witchcraft and sodomy.”

As Rebecca explained, the only parts of Texas that are underwater are the parts “that are overrun with witchcraft and sodomy” like Austin and Houston, which has a “sodomite mayor.”…

“If God is judging Texas, it’s because of the witchcraft and sodomy that we’ve allowed to run rampant,” Rebecca said, and Fischer responded by agreeing that that was a very plausible explanation.

“If you’re going to attribute the flooding in Texas to some kind of supernatural cause, you can make a geographical connection between the flooding and the practice of the occult and witchcraft and the embrace of homosexuality,” he said. “That’s where the disaster is being felt the worse.”

So in New Orleans, why did Hurricane Katrina skip over most of the French Quarter, where all that evil decadence goes on? Oh, I’m sure there’s an explanation. There’s always an explanation. And it’s always the fault of The Gay.

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  • John Pieret

    you can make a geographical connection between the flooding and the practice of the occult and witchcraft and the embrace of homosexuality

    Then how do you explain the flooding in Dallas-Fort Worth, not to mention in Oklahoma? And were all 28 of the people who have died so far gays or witches? … or is God’s aim just off again?

  • kantalope

    That’s weird the flooding does not seem restricted to just Austin and Houston – it’s the whole eastern end of Texas…What kind of parties are they having there? http://thescoopblog.dallasnews.com/2015/05/todays-flood-maps-spotlight-texas-dfw.html/

  • StevoR

    If God is judging Texas, it’s because of the witchcraft and sodomy that we’ve allowed to run rampant,”

    But has Texas legalised equal marriage yet? I don’t think its caught up to the other states that have and yet its flooding and they aren’t. Go figure.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    … only big cities like Austin and Houston are affected.

    Funny, nobody told the Waco TV weather guy:

    … The National Weather Service has issued a Flash Flood Watch for the counties of Bell, Bosque, Coryell, Falls, Freestone, Hamilton, Hill, Lampasas, Leon, Limestone, McLennan, Milam, Mills and Robertson until 12:00 PM, and a Flood Advisory for the counties of Freestone, Limestone and McLennan.

  • StevoR

    Also witchcraft or at least Wiccan beliefs have been legal since the USA began – First amendment I think yeah?

    Is there any reason to think Texas is more full of witches than anywhere else?

    (what state was that “I am not a witch”tea party repuglican whasshername from again?)

  • John Pieret

    SteveO:

    You’re thinking of Christine O’Donnell and she’s from the God-forsaken state of Delaware, where Obama’s right hand henchman, Joe Biden, is from. And Delaware’s legislature legalized SSM in 2013, so the entire state has been Satanized.

  • John Pieret

    … sorry I messed up your ‘nym, StevoR …

  • D. C. Sessions

    At least they’re starting to admit that it’s all rural/urban animosity rather than “coastal elites.” So the Texans living in cities now are on notice that they’re not Real Americans either.

    As for the geographic quibbles brought up above, it’s really simple (aside from the “facts to fit the theory” aspect): The flooding in Austin and Houston are due to witchcraft and sodomy. The flooding elsewhere is due to tolerating witchcraft and sodomy. The solution is obvious, just like it was in Languedoc eight centuries ago.

  • raven

    Sigh.

    Fischer and the fundies are just running on automatic pilot. They don’t think, just spout cliches.

    They forgot the Pagans!!! I’m so disappointed. This happens a lot. They also forgot the atheists and Moslems, who are the new gays. And of course, the Space Reptiles.

    Fundie xianity fogs peoples minds up so much they can’t even keep their delusions straight.

  • raven

    Most of the witchcraft in Texas is from the fundie perversion of xianity. Which is just primitive superstition with a cross or two for show.

    Imprecatory prayer is pure witchcraft. Asking or bargaining with a powerful supernatural spirit for it to do their will, usually to kill someone like the US president.

  • dingojack

    Rural areas of Texas practice only, at most, either witchcraft OR sodomy*, but not both!

    Lucky eh? No floods for them!

    Dingo

    ———

    * or Fischer’s right and it’s only a maximum of two out of “the practice of the occult and witchcraft and the embrace of homosexuality” (makes one almost long for the Spanish Inquisition…)

  • StevoR

    @ ^ 6 & 7. John Pieret : Thanks that’s the one & no worries.

  • StevoR

    Meanwhile :

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-30/india-reels-under-heatwave-as-death-toll-tops-2000/6509482

    Two thousand dead and rising in India’s current record heatwave. Wonder what they did to “deserve” that?

  • StevoR

    Also meanwhile just on the other side of the same continent :

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2015/05/29/california_s_snowpack_now_zero_percent_of_normal_a_worst_case_scenario_for.html

    Maybe Californians need to engage in some more sodomy and witchcraft and hope that delivers the extra rain and snow they need?

  • dingojack

    Stevo = in the former case, Hindus are practicing sodomy on the witchcraft practicing Muslims (or vice versa)!

    [Fisch-heads can’t tell the difference between them anyway, so either ‘explanation’ suffices].

    @@ Dingo

  • caseloweraz

    You gotta have faith, hope and charity witchcraft and sodomy.

    That’s the way to blame the things you see..

  • grumpyoldfart

    I’ll bet that woman caller was an atheist poking fun at Fischer.

    I’ll bet, also, that Fischer knew it was a prank call but decided to run with it because he knows his listeners are idiots who will pay good money to hear nonsense like that.

  • grendelsfather

    Maybe Californians need to engage in some more sodomy and witchcraft…

    Is that even possible?

  • StevoR

    @ ^ grendelsfather : Can’t hurt ’em to try .. 😉

  • laurentweppe

    So… Being gay is akin to have superpowers? Damn: the X-Men cartoon was right!?

  • dingojack

    laurentweppe – one of Stan Lee’s less successful characters!

    Dingo

  • dhall

    #13 & #14 StevoR – And Japan was just rocked by another strong earthquake, so it’s not just Texas witches and sodomists and California hedonists, or just Hindus, Sikhs and Muslims, it’s Buddhists, Daoists and Shinto followers too . . . or god is just smiting people all over the place for kicks. Or maybe some of it–not the quake–is due to that climate change conspiracy by scientists and liberals.

  • Larry

    I would have said those floods were the result warm, moist air coming up from the Gulf of Mexico, mixing with cooler, dry air coming down from Canada, crossing the plains and mixing in the upper atmosphere, producing the rain. But, hey, what do I know? Witchcraft and sodomy are always reasonable alternatives.

  • anubisprime

    All pretense at sounding vaguely cogent and knowledgeable has given way to the chaotic febrile verbal diarrhea of out and out nutjobs, if dude was on the street and started that rhetoric at the top of his voice he would be off to see Nurse Ratchet toute suite, his compliance would not be sort in the matter.

  • anubisprime

    @ 24

    Sort = sought…pesky spell check slipped one in…

  • carpenterman

    Everywhere they look they see monsters. They must feel surrounded by threats they can’t comprehend, with only their faith to sustain them. What a way to live.

    And what is with this obsession anti-gay nuts have with anal sex? They talk about it more than any gay person I’ve ever met.

  • felidae

    Maybe Jeebus hates bigotry and intolerance, Bryan?

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    Must be lots of sodomite witches in the Midwest and Southern Bible Belt states that get whacked by tornadoes every year.

    Or, just maybe, extreme weather events happen in regions where the environment is conducive for such events to occur? … Nah, it’s the witches having gay sexy time.

  • carpenterman

    The Sodomite Witches would be a great name for a metal band.

  • savoy47

    I thought the Texan’s had all those prayer rallies asking god for rain. So it rains and they blame everyone but themselves.

  • David C Brayton

    I moved to Texas for the rampant sodomy and all I found was a lousy T shirt from FEMA.

  • evodevo

    And here I thought it was due to the idiot governor turning down Obamacare/Medicaid expansion !!!

  • sylwyn

    Best response I’ve seen thus far (as close to the source (if not the source) as I can find).

    http://reallifekink.tumblr.com/post/120054185585

  • dingojack

    And in only vaguely, slightly, tenuously related news (OK not related at all, but too good not spread further)…

    [The best joke wins a prize of some kind (what exactly, is something of a bone of contention)]

    :) Dingo

  • dingojack

    I’m sorry, I’ll try that again!

    Dingo

  • thebookofdave

    Perhaps God is not punishing Texas for witches so much as flushing them out. After all, what better way than a flood to find someone who is made of wood and weighs as much as a duck?