Trump Upset the White House Doesn’t Want His Brilliant Ideas

Professional egotist and weapons-grade buffoon Donald Trump just can’t believe that the White House hasn’t called him up and asked about his plan to defeat ISIS in a matter of minutes. And the plan is brilliant, stupendous, majestic and whatever other adjectives his ego can think of.

Trump had previously dropped hints that he had a master plan for defeating the terrorist organization during an appearance on Fox News, but was unhappy that the Obama hadn’t taken the hint and called him.

“I know a way that would absolutely give us guaranteed victory,” Trump explained before adding that he couldn’t talk about it on the air for fear of tipping off ISIS leaders and because he was afraid someone would steal his idea.

Asked if he had discussed his idea with high level military officials for their input, Trump stated that he had run “it past two or three people” who fell in love with it.

“This is so simple, so surgical, it would be an unbelievable thing,” he said. “Now, I’ve been around saying this, you would think somebody from the administration would at least call me and say, ‘Hey, could you tell us what it is?’ It happens to be a great idea. But at the right time, I guess I’ll give it.“

Yeah, it’s hard to believe that the Pentagon isn’t breathless with anticipation to find out what this ignorant blowhard has to say about it. It’s almost like they know that his plan begins by strapping a coyote to an ACME rocket and painting a fake tunnel onto the side of a big rock.

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  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    Couldn’t he just do a leveraged buyout of them, then asset-strip them and mismanage them into nonexistence like he did all his businesses?

  • StevoR

    Blockquote>Trump upset the White House doesn’t want his brilliant ideas

    But what does that thing on his head think?

  • John Pieret

    Marcus:

    I think that’s a plan!

    Really, I think we should put a business man with no experience in military matters in charge of the largest military the world has ever known because getting rich is far more important than … you know … winning wars. Problem is, then, I’d call on Bill Gates or Warren Buffet instead of the buffoon with the dead thing on his head!

  • StevoR

    @ ^ John Pieret : You sure its dead? I mean what if its like an alien parasite or something (See Aldiss SF novel ‘Hothouse’) and is really in charge of the walking zombie klown underneath it eh?

    * See : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hothouse_(novel) Good read although not exactly scientifically correct.

  • StevoR

    Oh for fucks sake I’m sure I put a { / i } correctly in there .. y’know without the spaces and wuith gretaer /lesser tan sign thingys dammit! Editing capacity please Ed?

  • John Pieret

    StevoR:

    You sure its dead?

    No, all I can go by is that every thing beneath it is certainty dead.

  • Larry

    Just wait a bit. He’ll be hocking his plan on late night cable and you can buy it for 12 easy payments of only $79.95. But only if you call in the next 5 minutes!

  • blf

    (RING! RING!)

    Teh Turnip flips out his sooper secret mobile phone, looks at it, and is puzzled. Shrugging, he answers. “Hiya! Donald here. Make it quick, I’m expecting a call from the White House. And who are you, my phone isn’t showing your name?!”

    “This is the White House. President Obama wants to listen to you.”

    “Put him on, and make it snappy. I haven’t got all day to save the world.”

    (Some clicks and buzzes…) “Hello, Mr Turnip, this is President Obama. How are you doing?”

    “Great. Even Greater! Look, I’ve got this foolproof plan to defeat…”

    “Hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah…” (The laughter continues for several minutes.) “…hah hah hah! Thanks for the joke, Mr Turnip. Have a nice day.” (The call ends.)

    “… and then the rabid tomato bites the mummy, ending the threat. Neat, isn’t it. Can’t fail. And I’ll even let you have it for free! Just say it was all my idea!” (Silence.) “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?”

  • carpenterman

    People, seriously… do we really want to know what this big idea of his is? I mean, I don’t *think* it’s possible to die from hearing too much stupidity at once; but do we really want to take that chance? Because if it is possible, than this has GOT to be a lethal dose.

  • John Pieret

    OK carpenterman, go over to Modus’ place and get one of his used internets.

  • blf

    I mean, I don’t *think* it’s possible to die from hearing too much stupidity at once…

    But there is a lethal joke

  • caseloweraz

    @carpenterman (#9): You’ve hit it. That’s Trump’s idea. He’ll reveal his “plan” to ISIS, and they’ll die laughing.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    His plan to defeat ISIS is just as good as the information his investigators dug up about Obama in Hawaii.

  • StevoR

    @ ^ Modusoperandi : LOL . Yup. Another internet to you again.

  • Alverant

    What kind of patriot keeps a plan like that to himself? If it’s so great he should be spreading it around to other people like military leaders. If it’s everything he says it is, they’ll support him.

    If he just asked people who he can fire for any reason, then it’s probably a crap idea.

  • dingojack

    MO – So that’s the plan, go to Hawaii, Tahiti or the Bahamas to do a little surfing (I mean) digging on the deep, deep, deep background on unnamed ISIS leaders or somptin’ , all expenses-paid from a taxpayer-funded bankroll.

    Brilliant! That will stop IS fer sure!!

    Dingo

  • Trebuchet

    He probably figures he’ll drop bacon and pictures of bare boobies on them.

  • colnago80

    Hey I have a plan for defeating the ISIL.

    https://goo.gl/uuWSr2

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    colnago80 “Hey I have a plan for defeating the ISIL.”

    Neat. Now you just have to get one, get all of them to cluster inside a 35km across area and get a really big dustpan to clean up all that fallout.

  • marcus

    Stoopid White House!

  • carpenterman

    Trebuchet @17:

    “…he’ll drop bacon and pictures of bare boobies on them.”

    Hey! *I* want to get defeated, too!

  • bahrfeldt

    Trumproast’s plan is that he will prematurely withdraw (ha ha) his famed Birther Battalion from Hawaii, where it is has been (and Trump surely knows has beens) battling the forces of E-ville for what, four or five years now, seeking the troof, and send them to Syria. Problem solved. We never did hear any of the promised follow-up reports about the progress they’re making, nor has the media pressed him on this. Isn’t he deducting their salaries, as ordinary and necessary (monkey) business expenses?

    A very bright accountant (with a lousy attitude) whom I worked with a long time ago remarked that Trumplestiltskin would never run for elected office (a generation ago, Trump was being hyped for NYC mayor) because as a real estate typhoon, he undoubtedly never paid a penny in income tax thanks to the magic of depreciation (he would, of course, never be involved in cheating, right Marla?). Oversimplified, this is the fiction that buildings used for business purposes, if properly maintained, will be worth zero in less than thirty years. Applicable for tax purposes, you get to deduct this annual “loss”. Plus deductions for the proper maintenance, mortgages, real estate taxes, heat, etc. No income tax, no OASDI payment, no medicare paid. Losses are deducted against all other income and if you run out of taxable income to deduct it against, you carry it forward ad infinitum.

  • Phillip Hallam-Baker

    You guys are not really thinking.

    The administration should take Trump really seriously. In fact they should send a black helicopter over to Trump manor right now to bring him in for urgent consultations and take him to Tehran to explain his scheme in person as soon as possible.

    Alternatively, strap a couple of M15s to the Donald and drop him over Mosul.

  • Artor

    Of course, SLC reveals his psychopathic nature again. What’s wrong with a few million dead in collateral damage as long as we get the bad guys?

  • colnago80

    Re Artor @ #24

    Sometimes, eggshells must be broken to make an omelet.

  • rietpluim

    After watching You’ve Been Trumped I cannot hear or read his name without getting enraged. Send that asshole to the east and let IS cut his head off please.

  • Nick Gotts

    Sometimes, eggshells must be broken to make an omelet.- – psychopath@80

    Comparing human beings to eggs in an attempt to justify mass-murder is not only psychopathic, but the epitome of moral cowardice.

  • Anri

    Hey there, colnago80!

    The last thread you went all “Nuke’em nuke’em nuke’em!” in, I asked you what you figured the bodycount would be. You didn’t answer. I’m assuming, since you’re bringing it up again, you’ve done some estimates of the human eggshell death toll, yes?

    That is assuming you care, of course.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    @colnago – So, the lives of people you deem enemies are merely statistics to you?

    Surely you have no objection when these enemies see you the same way?

  • Holms

    #18 #25 War Crimes Apologist colnago80

    Of course you are aware that indiscriminate fire is a war crime, so I’m sure you won’t object to your title. Oh! Also, it’s a stupid plan.

  • eric

    Couldn’t he just do a leveraged buyout of them, then asset-strip them and mismanage them into nonexistence like he did all his businesses?

    So, following the Halliburton-in-Iraq method?