Graham: Boycott Pro-Equality Companies

Franklin Graham is urging his followers to start boycotting companies that view and treat gay people as human beings with equal rights. He started by withdrawing the Billy Graham Evangelical Association’s bank accounts from Wells Fargo because they had an ad featuring a gay couple. Because acknowledging the existence of gay people is clearly evil.

Have you ever asked yourself–how can we fight the tide of moral decay that is being crammed down our throats by big business, the media, and the gay & lesbian community? Every day it is something else! Tiffany’s started advertising wedding rings for gay couples. Wells Fargo bank is using a same-sex couple in their advertising. And there are more. But it has dawned on me that we don’t have to do business with them. At the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, we are moving our accounts from Wells Fargo to another bank. And guess what—we don’t have to shop at Tiffany & Co., there are plenty of other jewelry stores. This is one way we as Christians can speak out—we have the power of choice. Let’s just stop doing business with those who promote sin and stand against Almighty God’s laws and His standards. Maybe if enough of us do this, it will get their attention. Share this if you agree.

Oh, I agree. I absolutely agree. I think you should refuse to do business with any company that isn’t sufficiently bigoted. You can start by boycotting every company that scores well on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index. As I’ve written before, this could prove to be a real problem for you, but I’d find it hilarious.

You can’t fly on American Airlines or US Airways, both of which scored a perfect 100. You might also want to avoid United, Southwest, Delta, Northwest, Continental and JetBlue; all scored above 80. Who can you fly? Well, you could try Nepal Airlines, the faith-based airline that sacrifices goats to appease God. On second thought, that won’t work either. Nepal Airlines has two planes, both of them made by Boeing; Boeing got a perfect 100 too. Go Greyhound!

In fact, you might want to start boycotting the military too. Most of the major defense contractors scored very well. Honeywell, Raytheon and Northrop Grumman all scored a perfect 100. Lockheed got an 85. Who would have guessed that our good ol’ red-blooded and (presumably) straight American fighting men are using weapons that advance the gay agenda? If they don’t ask, we won’t tell.

Shopping could be a problem too. You can’t shop at Abercrombie and Fitch, The Gap, JC Penney’s, Macy’s, or Nordstroms. Can’t wear Levis jeans or Nike shoes. And even that staple of middle American fashion, LL Bean, scored a 79. Ah well, there’s always K-Mart. And in a pinch, you can always wear a plain white sheet.

Then again, it’s going to be difficult to get to the mall anyway since cars are pretty much out entirely. Ford, General Motors, Chrysler, Toyota, Subaru and Volkswagon all scored a perfect 100. You could try Volvo, but that’s a Swedish company and you know how those morally bankrupt Scandinavians like to treat gay people like human beings. It may be horse and buggy time.

Finances are gonna be damn near impossible. Want to find a hetero-normative mortgage? Good luck. Bank of America, Citigroup, Countrywide, JP Morgan Chase, Fannie Mae, Indy Mac, Washington Mutual and Wells Fargo all scored 100. Need a morally upstanding credit card? Avoid American Express, Mastercard and Visa; all got perfect scores. Can’t do Discover either, since they’re owned by Morgan Stanley and damn if they didn’t get a 100 as well.

Banking in general is gonna be a real problem for the Righteous, and you might as well give up on any thought of investing your money or saving for retirement. Bank of America, Bear Stearns, Capital One Financial, Charles Schwab, Deutsche Bank, Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Wachovia – all get perfect scores on the Sodomy Scale. I guess that leaves the old coffee can under the bed, but you’ll have to make sure it isn’t Maxwell House or Gevalia; they’re both owned by Kraft Foods which, you guessed it, got a perfect score too.

Speaking of which, eating and drinking could be a bit difficult as well. No Coke or Pepsi, they both got 100. Nothing from Kraft or General Mills, which wipes out about half the products in the supermarket. No Budweiser. For crying out loud, even Coors, typically a friend to conservatives, has been corrupted by the forces of buggery and scores a perfect 100. And even that old American standy, Campbell Soups, got a 95.

Ironically, you can safely eat Heinz 57 sauce; despite being associated with a certain gay-loving Massachusetts liberal, they only scored a 46. It doesn’t look like you’ll have much to put it on though; perhaps it will go well with the manna from the sky you’ll be relying on in your quest to take a stand for decency in America.

It’s probably a good thing that most of you believe in faith healing too, because getting health insurance without supporting those godless sodomites may prove impossible. AAA, Hartford, Metlife, Prudential, ING and Nationwide are all perfect 100s. Even the obviously misnamed American Family Insurance Group scores over 100. Don’t they know that you can’t use the word “family” unless you’re anti-gay?

Even if you did have health insurance, your doctor couldn’t prescribe you any medication made by Eli Lilly, Bristol Myers Squibb, GlaxoSmithKline, Johnson and Johnson, Merck or Pfizer. Don’t worry, I’m sure that rash will clear up soon. And if it doesn’t, take solace in the fact that you’re doing the right thing. Wear it like a badge of honor for your brave and virtuous stand against immorality and equality.

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  • dingojack

    Franklin Graham: Economic Terrorist*.

    Dingo

    ———

    * as defined by the AFA!

  • eric

    As Hemant pointed out, Graham posted his spiel on his Facebook page, and Facebook is also gay-friendly. But we all know the truth here: these announcements are for the hoi polloi, and Graham’s company won’t do any major divestment that would cut into their bottom line (like removing their Facebook page). Where they can find alternatives, they might, but this is more of a “do as I say, not as I do” sort of preaching.

  • John Pieret

    the tide of moral decay that is being crammed down our throats

    They just can’t help themselves, can they?

    So he switched the accounts to BB&T, a North Carolina-based bank. BB&T only has an 80 percent score in the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index but it sponsors the Miami Beach Gay Pride Parade, and is the chief sponsor of Miami Beach Gay Pride’s “Legacy Couples” program, which celebrates same-sex couples in “committed relationships of 10 years or longer.”

    In fact, BB&T hosted a same-sex couple’s wedding reception earlier this year “in a makeshift chapel at event sponsor BB&T Bank South Beach branch.”

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/franklin-graham-drops-bank-over-lgbt-rights-stance-joins-bank-thats-sponsoring-pride-event

    Their everywhere Frankie!

  • teawithbertrand

    “Crammed down our throats” in the very first sentence. So you know he means business.

  • otrame

    I noticed Graham didn’t say where they were going to move their money to. Saudi Arabia, perhaps?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Fucking do it, Cultists! Do your fucking boycott!

    “Crammed down our throats” – do they *not* see and hear themselves? Frankie, it’s totes OK that you you think about blowing dudes. Maintain eye contact, spit a lot, your partner will enjoy it too. 😀

  • Brent

    Graham is a wimp. The obvious target for his ire should be the gayest company out there. Apple was in the vanguard of companies offering domestic partner benefits, and they’re now headed by an openly gay man. And clearly Satan is in charge, since they have the largest market value of any company on Earth. They need a dose of good old fashioned Christian mob justice!

    But Graham surely knows that if he told his followers to take away his kids’ iPhones, that would instantly turn an entire generation away from the church. These “brave Christian warriors” are such cowards they won’t even risk standing up to their teenage daughters in the name of principle for what they claim is the greatest moral disaster of our time, certain to unleash Armageddon on us. If the threat from gay equality is all that dire, then you shouldn’t be resorting to half-measures, replacing one gay-friendly bank with another. You need to go right for Satan’s jugular by taking away your kids’ iPhones and destroying Apple’s stock, showing all those heathen Mammon-worshippers on Wall Street just who runs this country!

  • dingojack

    NEWS FROM THE FUTURE!!

    —————————————

    11 June, 2183.

    “Scientists have discovered that the strangely primitive cave-dwelling creatures living in remote areas of Nevada and New Mexico are not some new kind of Great Ape as previously thought, but rather a type of devolved human.

    These inarticulate, faeces-flinging throwbacks are the descendants of a sect called ‘Fundamentalist Christians‘ who, early last century, decided not to use facilities and companies who traded with homosexuals. Why they decided to do this is now lost to humanity…”

    ——————–

    Dingo

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    we don’t have to shop at Tiffany & Co., …

    the preacher who is personal buddies with the guy who said “it’s easier for a camel to pass through th eye of a needle than for a rich man to to get a backstage pass to my show,” hadn’t realized until recently that shopping at Tiffany’s is non-compulsory?

    And, and, and… instead of blowing 3 months salary (or maybe just 1.5) at Tiffany’s, his bright idea isn’t to give that money to desalination projects for water-starved Namibians, but to blow the same amount of money at a different jewelers? Presumably because you’ll still be giving back to Africa anyway?

    And hey, my white friends in Cape Town tell me that Angola and Namibia are both transvaal regions anyway, right? Surely it’s all the same economy.

    Wow. What ethical abomination of a parent raised this guy?

  • busterggi

    Now why would Graham need a bank account? Don’t Christians give all their money to the poor like the bbile tells them to?

  • http://duckblood.com Frank Hofer

    Ed, you need to update your numbers. For example, Lockheed is now 100, and Heinz is at 95.

  • D. C. Sessions

    He may not be concerned about the airlines, given how long it’s been since he traveled commercial.

  • blf

    There’s this investment company in Nigeria, highly respected — they’ve got not one, but two, royal princes, several priests and nuns, a Nobel prize winner, some ambassadors, and an gibbon on the board, and a thousand chimps in the trading room (who write Shakespeare in their time off) — who would be delighted to help you identify, avoid, and divest in all those evil Teh Gay-tolerating firms. Really easy to hire, too, just send them all your financial details and they’ll take care of the rest. Results guaranteed, you will soon not have anything from those evil Teh Gay-tolerating firms.

  • johnson catman

    I guess he had better stop using computers or the internet also. Microsoft and Cisco are both rated at 100 on the list.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    @9 Crip Dyke – I doubt that I’ll ever get married, but if I do, the only ring I want is a Wedding Band, I hate diamonds, I hate the politics and slaughter associated with diamonds. I love jewelry, but I really only wear Silver or costume pieces anyway.

    And you’re right. Maybe if Xtians and other Cultists took a stand against Blood Diamonds instead of consenting adult love & marriage, I might have a reason to give a shit about their opinions on anything.

  • philipelliott

    You know, I never thought Satan was real until I saw Exxon’s score on the CEI. -25. Negative!. No one else has a score that low, though some do come in at 0. More at the Advocate here .

  • colnago80

    Re philipelliott @ #16

    Link doesn’t work.

  • Hoosier X

    So, where’s dukedog weighing in on this?

    Wasn’t it just a few days ago that he was calling liberals “intolerant” for making economic choices based on their political beliefs?

    Oh, wait! I see the difference.

    Don’t sweat it, dukedog. I don’t expect any conservative christian to ever be consistent.

  • philipelliott

    Oops. Try this.

  • Al Dente

    Nepal Airlines has two planes, both of them made by Boeing;

    According to wikipedia Nepal Airlines has eight aircraft including two Airbus A320s and two de Havilland Canada DHC-6 Twin Otters.

    the faith-based airline that sacrifices goats to appease God

    It was only one goat and the plane (a Boeing 757) made a successful flight from Kathmandu to Hong Kong later that day.

  • caseloweraz

    Ed: You can’t fly on American Airlines or US Airways, both of which scored a perfect 100. You might also want to avoid United, Southwest, Delta, Northwest, Continental and JetBlue; all scored above 80. Who can you fly?

    Is better for gospodin Franklin to fly Aeroflot.

  • briandavis

    Ah well, there’s always K-Mart. And in a pinch

    Nope. They’re owned by Sears Holdings, which has a score of 100.

  • dingojack

    philipelliott – Satan borked your link! All hail Robert Bork! Oops, I mean all hail Santa!

    😉 Dingo

  • http://www.facebook.com/park.james.102 parkjames

    This guy is fantasizing about gays cramming things down his throat. He is too ridiculous for words.