Bill O’Reilly Orders the Internet Off His Lawn

Okay, this video is really funny. Bill O’Reilly had Bernie Goldberg on his show to explain to him how this whole interwebs thing works. O’Reilly is upset because young people get their news from the internet, which he seems to think means they don’t read (last I checked, you were reading this screen).

Unfortunately, I can’t find original footage of it so it has to come from the Young Turks. But it’s definitely worth watching. There are so many hilarious bits of O’Reilly cluelessness to laugh at, like when he expresses outrage at the idea that people are no longer reading straight news but getting it mixed with opinion, which is enough to destroy any irony meter within a 10 mile radius. He seems blissfully unaware that every news organization in the world is available online.

I was waiting for him to say, “Back in my day we didn’t have internet porn. We had to get together and rub each other down with falafel!”

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  • macallan

    Everyone knows The Internet Is For Porn.

  • theschwa

    Billo” “Facebook…Yahoo News. I don’t know what that means.”

    The guy who doesn’t understand tides has trouble understanding technology? You can’t explain that!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    “Back in my day, we didn’t have Internet porn. If you wanted to get wood, you watched the Andy Griffith Show! Thelma Lou, Helen, Aunt Bee, That’s the way it was, and we *liked* it!”

    “News mixed with opinion”. That isn’t what Fox offers. Fox offers propaganda mixed with delusion, hate, and stupidity.

  • theschwa

    Lousy internet! It has made it nearly impossible for me to get my news on phonograph records like I prefer! I often have to settle for news reels before the talkies.

  • dingojack

    theschwa – Me get Ogg to paint cave wall!

    Billo want wall-paint off front-of-cave-grass too!

    :( Dingo

  • Modusoperandi

    theschwa, phonographical records? I get my news on rolls for my player piano!

  • theschwa

    Modus, I cannot stand player piano rolls! They just became too liberal ever since that damn ragtime music the kids love!

  • hrafn

    It seems somewhat appropriate that “Bill O’Reilly Orders the Internet Off His Lawn” in front of Bernie Goldberg, as Goldberg’s shtick seems to have been ‘ordering American Popular Culture off his lawn’ for the last decade or more.

    It seems that people selling Americans what they actually want to watch/listen-to/read (i.e. Free Enterprise) is destroying America.

    Could we find Bill and Bernie a lawn on some deserted island in some forgotten corner of the Pacific where they can molder in peace without any danger of the Interwebs or Television poking their impertinent heads above the horizon?

  • Larry

    Everyone knows The Internet Is For Porn.

    Well, sure. That and pirated MP3s and videos.

  • hrafn

    Well, sure. That and pirated MP3s and videos.

    Say rather “pirated everything“. How long do you think it is going to be before you can download a pirated pattern to 3D-print your own knock-off designer handbags? 😉

  • gadfly47

    theschwa – damn Guttenberg and his new-fangled printing press! In my day we got the news from the town crier. And we liked it! Why aren’t young people listening town criers any more?

  • dhall

    #8 hrafn – Preferably a deserted Pacific island with a highest elevation that’s only a couple of feet above sea level.

  • theschwa

    @gadfly47 (#11): I have trouble telling the town criers from the town hipsters. For weeks, I was under the mistaken impression Obama wanted me to ride a unicycle to my ukulele lessons. (Turns out, he just wants to be President-for-life and take our guns!)

  • scienceavenger

    Bill has a lot of company among his viewers’ age. They don’t get that “the internet” is a medium. They think its some special source or type of claims/information.

    And really – a guy who doesn’t know what Yahoo News and Facebook are, two of the most prominent aspects of the greatest technological revolution of the last 100 years, criticizing others for not understanding what is going on in the world? We need a new word, “priceless” doesn’t quite capture it.

  • Helge

    @2 – That was beautiful. ^_^

  • eric

    @9: no, the proper response to @1 is “yes, but what do you do with a B.S. in English?”

  • The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge

    Anna Elizabeth @ 3:

    Well, I did like Thelma Lou….

    But the first season had an about-20-year-old Elinor Donahue. Now we’re talking!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    @17 – Indeed, Ellie had a killer smile. Season 2 features a very 19-something Barbara Eden as a manicurist, too. :)

    Thelma Lou was cute and sweet. Helen Crump was a battleaxe herself.

  • sugarfrosted

    I remember the time I read the O’Reilly factor…. wait…

  • Dr X

    Goldberg tells O’Reilly that young people won’t read a hard copy newspaper. That train has left the station


    Well why did the train leave? Why can’t the train come back?

    The tide goes in. The tide goes out.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    “These kids these days! Listening to that Nirvana and bad-mouthing their country. Why, when I was their age, I faced the Argentine Marines in hand-to-hand combat, and personally raised Old Glory over the Falkland Islands’ largest sheep farm. Forget it Bernie, it’s Chinatown.”

  • democommie

    Bile O’Liarly, by any other name, is still a shitheel.

  • WMDKitty — Survivor
  • Hatchetfish

    The specific idea that my generation (turned 18 in 2000, essentially grew up as the personal computer did too) reads less than say, our television-news addled boomer parents is particularly ridiculous. My group of friends and acquaintances may well be some self selecting bunch of outliers, but I can’t remember the last time one of us brought up a news story we’d seen on televised sound-bite news. Discussing articles, online and off? That’s a daily occurrence.

    Quit whining Bill. We read. That’s why we know better than to waste our time and brain function watching your horseshit.

  • dingojack

    WMDKitty — Survivor

    In MY day we didn’t have all that Mr Weird Al and his noisy jigaboo music

    :) Dingo

  • Anna Elizabeth

    @Hatchetfish #24 – Well said. I’ve seen many people on the internet that seem to think that watching the propaganda on whichever network makes them “well informed”, and I the fool. I just laugh in their faces, anymore.

  • caseloweraz

    “America needs educated voters,” says Bill O’Reilly of Fox News.

    It is to laugh.

  • WMDKitty — Survivor

    dingojack — Love it!