National Review Goes ‘Oh Snap’ on Donald Trump

Kevin Williamson of the National Review is generally a writer worth avoiding unless, like me, you’re deliberately looking for really bad arguments. But I’m cracking up at his article about Donald Trump’s entry into the presidential race, which goes after The Donald with evident enthusiasm.

Donald Trump may be the man America needs. Having been through four bankruptcies, the ridiculous buffoon with the worst taste since Caligula is uniquely positioned to lead the most indebted organization in the history of the human race.

The Trump conglomerate is the Argentina of limited-liability companies, having been in bankruptcy as recently as 2009. To be sure, a lot of companies went bankrupt around then. The Trump gang went bankrupt in 2004, too, and in 2001. Before that, Trump was in bankruptcy court back in 1991 when his Taj Mahal casino in Atlantic City — the nation’s first casino-cum-strip-club, an aesthetic crime against humanity that is tacky by the standards of Atlantic City — turned out to be such a loser that Trump could not make his debt payments…

Donald Trump, being Donald Trump, announced his candidacy at Trump Plaza, making a weird grand entrance via escalator — going down, of course, the symbolism of which is lost on that witless ape. But who could witness that scene — the self-made man who started with nothing but a modest portfolio of 27,000 New York City properties acquired by his millionaire slumlord father, barely out of his latest bankruptcy and possibly headed for another one as the casino/jiggle-joint bearing his name sinks into the filthy mire of the one U.S. city that makes Las Vegas look respectable, a reality-television grotesque with his plastic-surgery-disaster wife, grunting like a baboon about our country’s “brand” and his own vast wealth — and not see the peerless sign of our times?

On the substance, Trump is — how to put it gently? Oh, why bother! — an ass. Not just an ass, but an ass of exceptionally intense asininity. China? “China’s leaders are like Tom Brady, and the U.S. is like a high-school football team,” Trump says. And so, we should do what?

“ . . . ”

Trump’s is a fill-in-the-blanks agenda: He claims to have a plan for defeating ISIS, but he cannot say what it is for reasons of operational security for the mission that exists only in his mind. He assures us the plan is “foolproof,” but whoever coined that word had never met a fool like Donald Trump.

And the ending coup de grace:

Of course, when Trump sings “How Great Thou Art,” he sings it in a mirror.

The problem with messiah complexes is that there’s no way to know whether you are going to rise on the third day unless somebody crucifies you. Trump has announced, and I say we get started on that.

Damn. Harsh, but fair.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Reginald Selkirk

    The problem with messiah complexes is that there’s no way to know whether you are going to rise on the third day unless somebody crucifies you.

    Clue time: Even if you believe in Jesus H. Christ, not everyone who got crucified was resurrected.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    He should be the candidate that they rally around. He’s the perfect Republican; oblivious, narcissistic, ignorant, entitled, bullying, petty…

  • dingojack

    So I’m guessing the National Review is staffed by some of the 54% of Republicans who can’t stand the Taxidermy Squirrel (and Donster the Moose, growing outta it’s bum).

    Dingo

  • davidworthington

    But he hasn’t actually/legally declared yet, and I doubt he does. He has to file the paperwork and about a month after that has to release financial docs, and I doubt he’ll get that far. He’ll find a scapegoat to explain why he can’t go on and save America, and without much grace, leave the race.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    The world needs to see The Donald and Ted Cruz negotiating over who gets the top slot on the ticket.

  • dhall

    He’s mentioned that he’d like to have Oprah as his vice president. Personally, I’d rather he picked Sarah Palin. The epic battle of their massive egos, with both of them bellowing word salads, could be worth watching.

  • erichoug

    That was probably the most awesome thing I have seen all day.

    Left, right or center, we need some more harsh truths like that. Now if only we could get them talking about Bobby Jindal or Rick Santorum or hell, Hilary Clinton.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Technically, messiahdom does not require a resurrection, at three days or otherwise: just a smearing-down with something gooey.

  • Donnie

    Modusoperandi says

    June 19, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    He should be the candidate that they rally around. He’s the perfect Republican; oblivious, narcissistic, ignorant, entitled, bullying, petty…

    In other words, your type of man, or John Stewart’s type of man, or John Oliver’s type of man, or that really bad comic from the comedy club’s man…….

  • Mobius

    Wow! What can I say? I agree with National Review for once???

    As for the symbolism of coming down the escalator…Trump probably saw it as him descending from heaven (it would certainly fit with that massive ego).