Louis Gohmert Tears? Don’t Mind If I Do

The tour of right wing bigot freakouts continues with the single dumbest man in Congress, Rep. Louis Gohmert. Like his fellow theocrats, he thinks it’s somehow relevant that the Supreme Court’s marriage ruling contradicts what the Bible says. And of course, his big bad invisible buddy is totally going to beat us up now.

“Founders and leaders including George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, John Kennedy, Ronald Reagan and most all of the Presidents have noted that it is God who has been the source of this nation’s unfathomable blessings,” Gohmert stated. “But if Moses, Jesus, and contributors to the Bible were correct, God’s hand of protection will be withdrawn as future actions from external and internal forces will soon make clear. I will do all I can to prevent such harm, but I am gravely fearful that the stage has now been set.”

Oh, you absolutely should do all that you can, Louis. You should turn yourself into an anti-gay superhero, with a cape and everything. Call yourself the Divine Avenger. Your superpower, naturally, would be shooting bullshit at people.

“It is a tragic and ominous day for the United States when a decision by five unelected justices of the U.S. Supreme Court blatantly violates the law in order to destroy the foundational building block for society provided by Nature and Nature’s God — that was stated as divine law by Moses and Jesus,” he said.

No, actually, it’s not a tragic day at all. It’s just another day that confirms that this country is not a theocracy, no matter how badly you want it to be. God has no vote here, nor do Moses or Jesus. Unfortunately, you still do, along with millions of other people who think their religious beliefs give them the right to oppress others. But you’re losing. The days of your hegemony are coming to an end. So sad for you, really. Totally broken up about it.

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • dingojack

    “Oh, you absolutely should do all that you can, Louis. You should turn yourself into an anti-gay superhero, with a cape and everything.”

    No Ed, bad Ed!

    No one wants to see Louis Gohmert in skin-tight lycra. No one!

    😉 Dingo

  • dingojack

    That sort of cos-play should be between Louie and his wife, Kathy, in the privacy of their own bedroom.

    I mean, it’s not like any of your elected representatives would be the least bit interested in another person’s private sex life — would they?

    😉 Dingo

  • matty1

    Given how often God’s hand of protection moves I’m wondering if he has Parkinsons disease.

  • http://howlandbolton.com richardelguru

    dingo, why, oh why do you hate Kathy?

  • grumpyoldfart

    But you’re losing. The days of your hegemony are coming to an end.

    They’ll bounce back. They always do.

    There will always be hundreds of millions of people who are prepared to pay 10% of their wages to buy their way out of tedious business of thinking hard and making decisions.

    And there will always be greedy priests happy to accept the money and tell their gullible followers what to think.

  • dingojack

    richardelguru – hey don’t blame me — she married him!

    Dingo

  • StevoR

    So Gohmert .. what did Syria or Pakisatan do wrong?

    Plus why haven’t Hooland, Ireland, Canada etc ..been punished yet?

    Also if God has been protecting the US of A so well, so far, why all the disasters like, well, the whole Congress political disaster scene for starters!

    (But more seriously, tornadoes, floods, droughts, the Charleston church massacre, etc ..)

  • StevoR

    Pakistan that is, sorry, not “pakisatan” although that’s kinda an apt~ish typo!

    Also Holland. Definitely my bedtime now.

    The heatwave there had killed a thousand people last I heard..

  • marcus

    Pray Louis. Pray. You should spend every waking moment praying, it’s all you can do now that the devil has taken over.

    Oh.. and fast. You should probably fast at least 40 days at time (or more). That should do it!

  • StevoR
  • sinned34

    Plus why haven’t… Canada …been punished yet?

    Prime Minister Stephen Harper. We are being punished, but I don’t think it was for allowing gay marriage.

  • moarscienceplz

    God’s hand of protection will be withdrawn

    Riiight. Hey Louis, have you ever talked with a Jew about what it’s like to be one of God’s chosen people?

  • Sastra

    “… God’s hand of protection will be withdrawn as future actions from external and internal forces will soon make clear. I will do all I can to prevent such harm, but I am gravely fearful that the stage has now been set.”

    Once again I’m left to wonder about the family lives of the people who spout off this nonsense as if it all made sense.

    “Your brother has refused to make his bed for 3 days in a row now and I’m afraid your dad is going to be withdrawing his Hand of Protection over the family. You know what that means. The grocer is going to overcharge us and sell us food filled with weevils. The neighbors are going to steal our furniture so that we sleep on the floor and yes, that riff raff living down by the tracks are all a-comin’ on over to whup the tar out of us and rape Sis.

    Oh, I begged and pleaded because I’m your mother, but it ain’t no no use. Word is out. The gun’s locked away in the cabinet and Dad will be sitting on the back porch, a-rockin’ and listening to the weeping and wailing of those of us who apparently thought they didn’t need no Hand of Protection from their father … so they pushed him and pushed him till he lost all patience, took off his protection gloves, and went out back while leaving the front door wide open.”

    Thanks, Billy. Nice one. Now look what you went and done. Here they come!”

    Christianity puts the disfunction in ‘disfunctional.’

  • frankgturner

    Spoken by Moses and Jesus?

    What exactly does he think Jesus said about homosexuality? As far as I knew he said nothing.

    .

    I am thinking that this is one of those Protestants who goes on what it “feels like” the Bible said and never actually read it.

  • freemage

    I thought God’s Hand of Protection had already been withdrawn, and that’s why 9/11 happened? So did it come back, and now it’s gonna jerk away again? Sounds like this God fella has trouble keeping his hands steady. Might need to lay off the sauce.

  • U Frood

    Don’t they go out of their way to remind us that Federal justices aren’t elected and these decisions don’t represent the will of the people?

    Is their God going to punish Americans for a decision they didn’t have a choice in?

    What a jerk

  • scienceavenger

    Call yourself the Divine Avenger

    Or not.

  • Lofty

    Ed

    You should turn yourself into an anti-gay superhero, with a cape and everything

    He can develop Very Mild Superpowers like Wrestling His Conscience and Leaping To Conclusions.

  • frankgturner

    @ U Frood #16

    Haven’t numerous polls indicated that it IS the will of the people though? I mean just because we did not put it to a vote like in Ireland (Ireland no less)….the vote would have to be rigged so heavily to win if it were put to a vote (and I would not put it past said bigots to do so). The bigots should feel lucky they lost this way.

    .

    They can throw all the tantrums they lol. At least it is good exercise.

  • marcus

    frankgturner @ ^ I think we are seeing exactly that.

    They can rail and rend their proverbial breast without actually having to do anything.

    Walker seems to have more or less shut up about it because (IMO) the Kochs don’t give a rat’s ass about marriage equality or anything else that doesn’t affect their bottom line.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Wait a second! Same sex marriage contradicts the bible??!! OMG why didn’t someone tell the Supreme Court before it was too late!?? Now we are doomed. DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!

  • dingojack

    Dear Louie – Since you are such and expert in biblical marriage and what god wants:-

    What does the bible say about the relationship between King David and Jonathon? Exactly how many wives did Solomon have? Who did Adam & Eve’s children ‘marry’, and what kind of ceremony was it?

    Dingo

  • dan4

    “…as future actions from external and internal forces will make clear.”

    Imagine the reaction if a Muslim used that kind of rhetoric.

  • dan4

    @24: Making a joke involving Parkinsons disease? You’re a real class act.

  • dan4

    Should have been @3, not @24.

  • U Frood

    @19

    It does seem that public opinion has turned around in support of same sex marriage.

    But that’s not the narrative the right is telling. They continue to harp on the tyranny of unelected judged overriding the people. I just want them to keep their stories straight.

    And they’re probably right about public opinion in some states.

  • frankgturner

    @26

    Sounds like typical manipulation. Even if public opinion is going the other direction you make it “feel like” it isn’t.

    .

    What I would not give to reach into some people’s brains and turn off their emotions.