Alex Jones’ Gay Marriage Conspiracy

Since everything in the world is a dark conspiracy to Alex Jones, you knew he’d have an amusingly ridiculous take on marriage equality. Sure enough, he does. He claims that gay marriage is going to “sexualize” school children AND turn them into “asexual humanoids.” Simultaneously, I guess. Because that makes perfect sense.

Conservative radio host Alex Jones tried to portray himself on Monday as being neutral on marriage equality, but accused the United Nations of trying to “sexualize children” via childrens’ books discussing same-sex parents.

“It’s nobody’s business to target children with Heather Has Two Mommies, or ‘You can’t say boy or girl to somebody who may not identify as that,’” Jones said in footage posted by Right Wing Watch. “That is space-cult, suicide cult exterminism craziness. The eugenics, trans-humanist cult wants to confuse the general species ahead of rendering us down and removing us. The plan is an asexual humanoid, even if they decide to keep us around, stated in hundreds of textbooks.”

Every same-sex marriage is a false flag operation! Those are lizard people trying to reset our cultural norms. I bet the feminists are behind the whole thing!

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  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Alex Jones’ Gay Marriage Conspiracy

    Dibs on title for lavish musical extravaganza!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Alex Jones’ Gay Marriage Conspiracy

    Dibs on title for lavish musical extravaganza!

  • daved

    Maybe “Big Gay Al” was short for “Big Gay Alex”? It makes about as much sense as anything else on InfoWars.

  • daved

    Maybe “Big Gay Al” was short for “Big Gay Alex”? It makes about as much sense as anything else on InfoWars.

  • Synfandel

    Damn, you’re fast, Modusoperandi! I thought I was going to nab that one.

  • Synfandel

    Damn, you’re fast, Modusoperandi! I thought I was going to nab that one.

  • eric

    Of all the things to worry about as a parent, this seems to me IMO to be a set of non-issues. Look, even if you’re a conservative Christian, the Golden Rule is in operation here; you treat other people’s choices the way you would want your own choices treated.

    How to deal with transsexualism (simplified kiddie version): “Daddy, Robert at school wants to be called Roberta and ‘she.’ Why? What should I call him?” Response: “He wants to be called that because it makes him feel comfortable. Since he wants to be called Roberta, call him Roberta and refer to him as ‘her,’ and ‘she.”

    How to address the gay parenting issue (simplified kiddie version): “Daddy, Roberta at school says she has two daddys. Why? What do I call them?” Response: “She has two daddies because they love each other and are married. You call them Roberta’s daddys, just like she does.”

  • eric

    Of all the things to worry about as a parent, this seems to me IMO to be a set of non-issues. Look, even if you’re a conservative Christian, the Golden Rule is in operation here; you treat other people’s choices the way you would want your own choices treated.

    How to deal with transsexualism (simplified kiddie version): “Daddy, Robert at school wants to be called Roberta and ‘she.’ Why? What should I call him?” Response: “He wants to be called that because it makes him feel comfortable. Since he wants to be called Roberta, call him Roberta and refer to him as ‘her,’ and ‘she.”

    How to address the gay parenting issue (simplified kiddie version): “Daddy, Roberta at school says she has two daddys. Why? What do I call them?” Response: “She has two daddies because they love each other and are married. You call them Roberta’s daddys, just like she does.”

  • sugarfrosted

    No Alex, the transhumanists tend to be neoreactionaries and to the right of you.

  • sugarfrosted

    No Alex, the transhumanists tend to be neoreactionaries and to the right of you.

  • Synfandel

    eric, in the mind (and I use the term loosely) of a Christian Fundamentalist, the Golden Rule has far lower priority than the Will Of God®. And as far as they’re concerned, God himself—the guy who creates all people, including LGBT people—doesn’t like LGBT people. End of mental process.

  • Synfandel

    eric, in the mind (and I use the term loosely) of a Christian Fundamentalist, the Golden Rule has far lower priority than the Will Of God®. And as far as they’re concerned, God himself—the guy who creates all people, including LGBT people—doesn’t like LGBT people. End of mental process.

  • Al Dente

    stated in hundreds of textbooks.

    Citation needed.

  • Al Dente

    stated in hundreds of textbooks.

    Citation needed.

  • marcus

    Ed “Those are lizard people trying to reset our cultural norms. I bet the feminists are behind the whole thing!”

    Lizbians?

  • marcus

    Ed “Those are lizard people trying to reset our cultural norms. I bet the feminists are behind the whole thing!”

    Lizbians?

  • http://www.facebook.com/whumenansky williamhumenansky

    This site appears neither American nor thinker. To go from secular/civil marriage equality to calling the SCOTUS decision an establishment of religion is a leap of conservative, evangelical faith unheard of in the annals of world religions.

    hhttp://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2015/07/us_has_established_a_state_religion_what_now_for_christians.html

  • http://www.facebook.com/whumenansky williamhumenansky

    This site appears neither American nor thinker. To go from secular/civil marriage equality to calling the SCOTUS decision an establishment of religion is a leap of conservative, evangelical faith unheard of in the annals of world religions.

    hhttp://www.americanthinker.com/articles/2015/07/us_has_established_a_state_religion_what_now_for_christians.html

  • howardhershey

    Doesn’t St. Paul recommend the “asexual humanoid” state as preferable to marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 as being better than marriage? With, of course, the caveat that marriage was somewhat preferable to fornication. Because marriage is only about the legitimized sex.

  • howardhershey

    Doesn’t St. Paul recommend the “asexual humanoid” state as preferable to marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 as being better than marriage? With, of course, the caveat that marriage was somewhat preferable to fornication. Because marriage is only about the legitimized sex.

  • Knight in Sour Armor

    I don’t recall rendering people into asexual humanoids being on my trans-humanist agenda. Maybe he’s thinking of someone else.

  • Knight in Sour Armor

    I don’t recall rendering people into asexual humanoids being on my trans-humanist agenda. Maybe he’s thinking of someone else.

  • joe321

    Damn, we thought we could fool everyone into believing that the L in LBGT stood for lesbians. Now EVERYONE will know it stands for lizards.

  • joe321

    Damn, we thought we could fool everyone into believing that the L in LBGT stood for lesbians. Now EVERYONE will know it stands for lizards.

  • blf

    …and the BGT really is Big Green Things.

  • blf

    …and the BGT really is Big Green Things.

  • dingojack

    Did someone say cross-species loving, lesbian lizard-women?

    :) Dingo

  • dingojack

    Did someone say cross-species loving, lesbian lizard-women?

    :) Dingo

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    I think – not to credit Jones with an overabundance of brains – that he’s attempting to say in this

    accused the United Nations of trying to “sexualize children”…

    …The plan is an asexual humanoid….

    That the UN is turning our kids into sluts AND the “plan” is to eliminate all prescribed gender roles.

    “Genderless sluts” is what he’s attempting to communicate.

    I don’t have it on my agenda, because whatever floats your boat, right? But is some school kid out there right now is aspiring to be a genderless slut, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. More power to the young person.

    Some may wish to mention that being a slut carries certain risks – but that’s true only if you engage in **risky** slutty behavior. Just like entrepreneurs need specific education to avoid specific risks unique to the entrepreneur’s lifestyle, sluts need specific education (in sexuality, health, and interpersonal ethics to name 3 areas) to avoid specific risks particular to the slutty lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean that being a slut is somehow ethically worse (inherently or in practice) than being an entrepreneur. Rather, that’s an argument that the inherent ethical value is comparable, and how many people you benefit or harm in your entrepreneurial and/or slutty enterprises is much more relevant judging a person’s ethics than mere capitalist or hedonistic bents.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    I think – not to credit Jones with an overabundance of brains – that he’s attempting to say in this

    accused the United Nations of trying to “sexualize children”…

    …The plan is an asexual humanoid….

    That the UN is turning our kids into sluts AND the “plan” is to eliminate all prescribed gender roles.

    “Genderless sluts” is what he’s attempting to communicate.

    I don’t have it on my agenda, because whatever floats your boat, right? But is some school kid out there right now is aspiring to be a genderless slut, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. More power to the young person.

    Some may wish to mention that being a slut carries certain risks – but that’s true only if you engage in **risky** slutty behavior. Just like entrepreneurs need specific education to avoid specific risks unique to the entrepreneur’s lifestyle, sluts need specific education (in sexuality, health, and interpersonal ethics to name 3 areas) to avoid specific risks particular to the slutty lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean that being a slut is somehow ethically worse (inherently or in practice) than being an entrepreneur. Rather, that’s an argument that the inherent ethical value is comparable, and how many people you benefit or harm in your entrepreneurial and/or slutty enterprises is much more relevant judging a person’s ethics than mere capitalist or hedonistic bents.

  • blf

    not to credit Jones with an overabundance of brains

    You can credit Mr Jeppers-Is-This-Guy-For-Real with as much brains as you want, including positive numbers, but you’re unlikely to be believed: No metric which can measure the density — or should that be anti-density — of Mr Jeepers-How-Nutty-Is-He alleged brains has been developed. The only known attempt resulted in a catastrophe known as the “Big Bang” when the laboratory disintegrated.

  • blf

    not to credit Jones with an overabundance of brains

    You can credit Mr Jeppers-Is-This-Guy-For-Real with as much brains as you want, including positive numbers, but you’re unlikely to be believed: No metric which can measure the density — or should that be anti-density — of Mr Jeepers-How-Nutty-Is-He alleged brains has been developed. The only known attempt resulted in a catastrophe known as the “Big Bang” when the laboratory disintegrated.

  • coragyps

    “But that doesn’t mean that being a slut is somehow ethically worse (inherently or in practice) than being an entrepreneur.”

    Case in point: Donald Trump like to claim he’s an entrepreneur.

  • coragyps

    “But that doesn’t mean that being a slut is somehow ethically worse (inherently or in practice) than being an entrepreneur.”

    Case in point: Donald Trump like to claim he’s an entrepreneur.

  • coragyps

    “likes”.

    More coffee, plz

  • blf

    Donald Trump like to claim he’s an entrepreneur.

    He is! Although his current project, Dead Things Wear On Head Eat Brain®©™ seems an even less likely success than the ancient Nail A Guy to A Tree Get to Heaven Free®©™ campaign for a rundown resort on the cooler side of Hades…

  • StevoR

    @11. Knight in Sour Armor : “I don’t recall rendering people into asexual humanoids being on my trans-humanist agenda. Maybe he’s thinking of someone else.”

    Asimov’s solarians maybe?

  • StevoR

    ..accused the United Nations of trying to “sexualize children” via childrens’ books discussing same-sex parents.

    Just wondering but how long has the United Nations been in control of USA schoool curricula and setting kids textbooks over in the States, Alex Jones?

    (Is that even a common belief over there?)

  • StevoR

    Glances over at UN agenda website :

    Item one Resolution 663 – Burundi-Rwanda peace treaty negotations , appeakl for border dispute heraing

    Item two Resolution 664 – Medical emergency in Columbia UNICEF to investigate further

    item three Resolution 665 – Franco-British mutual taunting session who really did win the 100years war

    Item four Resolution 666 – Set USA school curricula enforce teh Gehy agendduh!! All kids in Miss Robinsons class 4C to be assigned reading ‘Heather has two Daddies’ Just before red cordial drinkytime and naps.

    Item 5 Resolution 667 – Trinidad and Tobago or Tobago and Trinidad which island is which again?

    ***

    Yegods its true!!

  • blf

    [H]ow long has the United Nations been in control of USA schoool curricula and setting kids textbooks over in the States…?

    Since They™ perfected chemtrails. The original experiments were done using Black Helicopters piloted by Reptilians spraying ground-up (minced) textbooks, but The Technology is now so advanced there’s now a mysterious substance for just about any situation.

  • StevoR

    Hmm.. Who woulda guessed the UN would be as bad with typographical and tag closing errors as I am?

  • StevoR

    @23. blf : That mysterious substance wouldn’t be soft and sticky and smelly and come from the back of a masculine ruminant by any chance would it? 😉

  • blf

    StevoR@25, Who knows? It’s mysterious. That’s why it’s so effective. Obviously.

    Whether or not its an actual “substance” is mostly speculation. Other than the trails in the sky and the alleged effects, it can’t be detected, clear proof(! PROOF!) it must be real.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Hahaha, puny asexual humanoid, your right wing radio show hosts are no match for our UN printing presses churning out Heather Has Two Mommies by the millions, MILLIONS!