Another Republican Candidate Says God Wants Him to Run

It’s pretty much a rite of passage for Republican presidential candidates now. Before they declare their candidacy, they make a big show of how they’ll only run if God wants them to. Then when they announce, it’s not because they actually want to be president, it’s only because they’re following the will of God. Scott Walker, you’re up:

“My relationship with God drives every major decision in my life,” starts the note, which is clearly designed to appeal to Religious Right voters who make up a major part of the GOP base vote, particularly in the early primary states Iowa and South Carolina.

The letter goes on to talk about Walker’s faith as “the guiding force of my life in both politics and in private” and promotes opposition to reproductive choice and marriage equality. “A lifelong supporter of the pro-life movement, my work defending the unborn goes back to my college days where I was a leader of Marquette Students for Life,” he writes, bragging about signing into law new restrictions on access to abortion and pledging to do the same as president. He calls the Supreme Court’s marriage equality decision a “grave mistake” and calls for a constitutional amendment to overturn it. And he pledges to nominate Supreme Court justices who share his approach to the Constitution.

“Our country is at a crossroads and we need a proven conservative leader who is not afraid to fight for what is right — even when it’s not politically expedient,” Walker says. “My decisions are guided by my relationship with God — not by what might win me a few votes.”

Of course, this rarely helps actually win the nomination. In 2012, there were at least four candidates who said that God told them to run: Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain and Rick Perry. Didn’t work out well for any of them. Romney, on the other hand, did not claim that God was on his side. Nor did McCain in 2008. It’s a good way to pander to the rubes and get some money flowing in, but it doesn’t really help at the polls.

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  • colnago80

    God may have told them to run but, apparently, he didn’t tell them that he would guarantee that they would win.

  • John Pieret

    God obviously has a wicked sense of humor.

  • Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    My relationship with God drives every major decision in my life,

    That’s why he refused to get married to a human being, reserving his time and attention for his relationship with his god, right?

    Also, his god is a big-daddy god, and yes they have a very personal relationship, but nohomo.

  • blf

    Actually, the great sky faeries were trying to shoot a thunderbolt onto the top of Mt Doom before The One Ring was cast — it/she/they/he wanted a straightedge, The One Ruler to Rule Them All — but with its/hers/their/his usual bad temporal and spacial aim, accidentally hit Mr Walker with a dizzy gnat. Who ate Walker’s brain before dying of indigestion.

  • Saad

    Maybe this is all a huge misunderstanding on the Republicans’ part. Maybe he just means a 5K.

  • zippythepinhead

    John Pieret@2: Yes, and with Jon Stewart retiring, someone has to fill the slack.

  • busterggi

    So many candidates told by their god to run – evidence of polytheism?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Look, God can want you to run, but He still only gets one vote.

  • raven

    No surprise.

    1. You see Scott Walker and sociopath in the same sentence often. A lot of people find him just very creepy. I find him anti-human.

    2. Walker’s track record in Wisconsin is terrible. He just about wrecked the state. Wisconsin rates first for the shrinking middle class. Low in recovering from the Great Recession. Low in job creation.

    The magic of tax cuts failed once again. So he cut services and beat up on education to balance the budget. Which last I saw was still a two billion dollar deficit.

    3. Walker is a creature of the 1%. The Koch brothers financed him.

    Just based on his terrible record in Wisconsin, he should be unelectable any place that doesn’t value economic suicide and rising poverty levels, like Wisconsin went for.

  • http://zenoferox.blogspot.com/ Zeno

    Running for president is God’s plan for Scott Walker.

    Kicking the football is Lucy’s plan for Charlie Brown.

  • sugarfrosted

    @9 The only reason he’s gotten elected is because the state democrats are basically incompetent. The nationwide democratic party wouldn’t let him get away with the lies he tells about his economic record and habitual lying.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    In 2012, there were at least four candidates who said that God told them to run: Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain and Rick Perry.

    Two of whom are re-running now.

    Did Santorum & Perry announce their divine re-endorsements and somehow I missed both, or do the 2012 stamps of approval still work without a recharge?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Pierce R. Butler, it’s different for Perry this time. He was told to run by the father, the son and the oops.

  • raven

    @9 The only reason he’s gotten elected is because the state democrats are basically incompetent.

    I’ve heard that before. Many times when the Democrats lose to someone with all the charm of Romney and all the intelligence of Sarah Palin.

    You might be right. I’m not even near Wisconsin. From the west coast, it still looks like a slight majority of Wisconsin voters just decided to be lemmings.

    PS I’ve been following what Walker is doing to the U. of Wisconsin system. UW Madison is one of the world’s top research universities. It takes decades to create one of those. Destroying the UW system is equivalent to removing a lobe of your own brain or turning the British Museum into warehouse.

  • sugarfrosted

    @14 Moving here from California, I never seen such a pathetic campaign. A state that has gone for Obama in each presidential election and our democratic candidate ran nigh exclusively on not being Obama nor Walker. One problem is that the governor elections happen during the midterms and there is super low turn out, which seems to lend credence to the notion of the week state party leading to it.

    Also what Walker is doing to my university is horrifying. I still can’t believe the college republicans support him.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    God likes to play mind games. He tells each one of them that they are His candidate. Then, like your unfunny uncle, says “Psych! Not really! Ha, ha!”

    Sorry… I have to laugh. Otherwise people like Scott Walker would make me cry.

  • raven

    Also what Walker is doing to my university is horrifying. I still can’t believe the college republicans support him.

    1. Research universities are job creators. That is why Silicon Valley is near Stanford and Berkeley. This was known 50 years ago.

    2. What Walker, Brownback, and the rest of the wrecking crew are doing is simple.

    Cut taxes using the magic of supply side economics.

    Magic fails as usual. (They know it will fail.)

    Cut services to balance the budget. End of problem. End of services too.

    I could do the same thing. Save a lot of money by not paying for electricity, water, gasoline, food, etc.. Of course, soon I would be living without any utilities, food, a running car, no internet connection with a bunch of hungry cats.

  • caseloweraz

    “Our country is at a crossroads and we need a proven conservative leader who is not afraid to fight for what is right — even when it’s not politically expedient,” Walker says.

    Has Walker ever done anything that isn’t politically expedient?

  • Hoosier X

    … it’s different for Perry this time. He was told to run by the father, the son and the oops.

    Plus this time he’s wearing glasses!

  • colnago80

    Re raven @ #17

    College dropout Walker is also leading the parade to privatize public schools.

  • StevoR

    God’s telling them to run but are they sure where they are meant to be running to – or maybe off? (Like short pier?)

    Also are they sure its them that’s supposed to be running and not everyone else who sees them coming?

  • D. C. Sessions

    Also what Walker is doing to my university is horrifying. I still can’t believe the college republicans support him.

    Doesn’t the econ group at UW Madison consider Chicago econ to be hopelessly Marxist?

    Perhaps their ideology got the better of their self-preservation. Or maybe they just figured that when the ax fell, it’d leave more for them.

  • grumpyoldfart

    Another Republican Candidate Says God Wants Him to Run

    It’s pretty much a rite of passage for Republican presidential candidates now.

    It’s an excuse for failure in advance:

    * If they win, “That’s what god wanted.”

    * If they lose: “God has other plans for me.”

    That’s one of the big attractions of religion: You never have to accept responsibility for your actions. Every time you fuck up you tell your peers it’s all part of god’s master plan — and your peers accept that excuse because they use it themselves whenever they fuck up. Everybody saves face.

  • rietpluim

    Actually, God wants me to run. Of course, since I’m an evil baby eating athiest, I refuse to obey.

  • http://www.twitter.com/jablair51 Ouabache

    His statement makes a lot more sense if you replace the word “God” with “Koch Brothers”:

    My relationship with the Koch Brothers drives every major decision in my life… Here’s why: I needed to be certain that running was the Koch Brother’s calling — not just man’s calling. I am certain: This is the Koch Brother’s plan for me and I am humbled to be a candidate for President of the United States… My decisions are guided by my relationship with the Koch Brothers — not by what might win me a few votes.

  • blf

    I’m an evil baby eating athiest…

    Are evil babies tastier than other cuts? How, in fact, do you tell if you have a genuine evil baby — the length of its horns or whether it cooks the other babies for you with its fire breathing (that does sound like it would save on charcoal costs)?

  • rietpluim

    Oh yeah, evil babies are the tastiest. That’s how you recognize ’em.

  • samgardner

    If I were Satan I’d have tons of f fun impersonating gods and convincing people top run for president.

    For some reason, the religious seem top think that despite having near-godlike abilities to deceive, Satan is somehow inept at actual deception.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    You’d think that if god really wanted to make sure that one of his chosen candidates wins he’d be telling some of them to run as Democrats too rather than having them all pile into one party. And yet, God never does this. Or instead of telling anyone to run he’d just make them run without telling them to run and then make them win, kind of like Satan does whenever a Democrat wins.

  • magistramarla

    Modus and Ouabache,

    Walker was told to run by the father, the son and the holy kochs.

  • sugarfrosted

    @20 That was a lie. He line item vetoed giving the University more control over itself he promised the University and kept the tuition freeze. He’s not trying to privatize it, he trying to destroy it.