Huckabee’s Total Cluelessness on the Military

Mike Huckabee is everything wrong with the right wing all wrapped up in one. He has no time for thoughtful analysis or recognition of the real world difficulties in fighting an enemy, he thinks we should have a military so “fierce” that they would destroy any enemy within 10 days.

Huckabee said the ultimate solution is for America’s military to be the strongest “in the history of mankind” with the ability to defeat threats like “ISIS, Boko Haram, Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Iranians, whatever it is” in “a 10-day exercise.”

“And here is what we have to do: America has to have the most formidable, fierce, military in the history of mankind,” stated Huckabee.

“So when we have a threat, whether it is ISIS, Boko Haram, Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Iranians, whatever it is, we make it very clear that we plan to push back and destroy that threat to us. And we won’t take 10 years doing it, we hopefully won’t even take 10 months, it will be like a 10 day exercise, because the fierceness of our forces would mean that we can absolutely guarantee the outcome of this film. That’s how America needs to operate in the world of foreign affairs, and foreign policy.”

And military officers right now are laughing their asses off. In the right wing fantasy world, it’s just that simple! 10 days, in and out, you’re dead, we win, what’s on TV tonight? In the real world, it will never be that simple. But this is the kind of simpleminded “tough talk” that the conservative base just eats up with a spoon. Raised on action movies where the hero always defeats the bad guys in 110 minutes or less and sitcoms where every situation is resolved in 21 minutes plus commercial breaks, they have no idea how the real world operates.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/hmoulding Helge

    It’s brilliant guys like Huckabee who have always gotten us into ten day conflicts that ended up lasting ten years. Iraq was only the latest. For that matter, brilliant guys like Huckabee are probably responsible for every war, ever, whether they lasted a hundred or a thousand times longer than anticipated.

  • scienceavenger

    “And here is what we have to do: America has to have the most formidable, fierce, military in the history of mankind,” stated Huckabee.

    You mean like we have now? What a putz.

  • Broken Things

    I think the majority of adolescents probably wouldn’t make a mistake of this nature. For someone of his age and putative experience, this statement doesn’t speak well for either his intelligence or his ability to lead.

  • gshelley

    No doubt he has a special top secret training regime in mind that will train US forces to be far fiercer than any other force could possibly be, so that equipment, terrain, logistics, local support or opposition and whatever other factors other than fierceness of the soldiers (and I am willing to extend that to general training) would be the only factor.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Sweet. And to put boots on the ground everywhere after blowing everywhere up fails to kill everyone bad, he’ll bring back the draft. For everybody.

    Luckily, we can pay for spending 100% of GDP on the military with tax cuts, or this would start to look just a little bit ridiculous.

  • colnago80

    I’m sure that Huckaschmuck is one of those clowns who is calling for the introduction of US ground troops into Syria to oppose the ISIL. Gee, that worked out so well in Vietnam and Iraq.

  • http://tailotherat.blogspot.com namowal

    That’s sort of like someone from Greek mythology saying “We need to have the strongest sword so we can go in and slice of the Hydra’s head in ten seconds…”

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    And the best part is that after his plan goes sour he can just blame the fallout on his Democrat successor.

  • eric

    Why stop at foreign policy? You should be the fiercest toughest parent in the world, where if your kid doesn’t eat that pea, death. If your kid is 30 seconds late putting on his shoes, death. If your kid mumbles their prayer, death. Listens to popular music, death. Hold hands with someone you don’t approve of, death. I’m sure it will work out quite well.

  • wreck

    Trump could do it in five days.

  • D. C. Sessions

    I think the majority of adolescents probably wouldn’t make a mistake of this nature.

    They have an advantage over him there: people (that they can’t avoid or totally ignore) who will tell them that they’re full of shit.

  • http://denkeensechtna.blogspot.com Deen

    You could probably do it too – if you didn’t care about civilian casualties, killing the wrong guys on occasion, etc. Which I think is what Huckabee means by “fierce” – not willing to hold back in fear of such pesky details like collateral damage. And who cares if US allies will protest – better to be feared than loved, after all.

  • Randomfactor

    Trump’s actually more nuanced about the situation. After destroying Iran and leaving starving widows and orphans in smoking rubble, he’ll just file bankruptcy.

    Problem. Solved.

  • Scientismist

    ..the fierceness of our forces would mean that we can absolutely guarantee the outcome of this film.

    Now that right there is the most terrifying part of the Huck’s fantasy. He imagines freely using ever-greater force, including thermonuclear to do whatever he damn well pleases. The way the original film shoot ends is with China and Russia, probably joined by every other nuclear force besides Israel, targeting the US as a rogue nation, and the White House, Air Force One, and any and all presidential bunkers in particular. But all of that last reel is left on the cutting room floor of his mind, as the closing credits roll to the tune of “God Bless America” and the waving of the red, white, and blue, right up to the point where the celluloid vaporizes.

    And Mikey likes it.

  • robertfaber

    Heard similar bullshit from Miss Lindsay Graham yesterday on NPR, with regards to Iran. His plan:

    1) Invade Iran with no exit strategy

    2) Trade war with the EU if they deal with Iran

    Sounds smart to me.

  • John Pieret

    Huckabee said the ultimate solution is for America’s military to be the strongest “in the history of mankind” with the ability to defeat threats like “ISIS, Boko Haram, Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Iranians, whatever it is” in “a 10-day exercise

    So, essentially, we should have a military capable of fighting two full-scared wars plus at least three insurgencies on two continents (and, no doubt be ready to attack North Korea and the Taliban in Afghanistan, while preventing China from taking over the East China Sea) and do all that in 10 days or less. If we devoted the entire GNP of the US to the military for the next 50 years, we might be able to accomplish half of that but recruiting might be a little hard, given all the Americans starving to death.

  • footface

    robertfaber @ 15:

    Miss Lindsey Graham? I don’t get it.

  • cthulhusminion

    @9

    Unless your son is caught torturing a dog to death at boy scout camp which is just good clean fun.

  • colnago80

    Re footface @ #17

    Maybe that’s a riff on the rumor that Graham like guys.

  • Michael Heath

    robertfaber writes:

    Heard similar bullshit from Miss Lindsay Graham yesterday . . .

    Senator Graham is a male. If you know this, then why would you denigrate all females based on your perception of one man’s perceived qualities?

  • Michael Heath

    Mike Huckabee’s attitude does help Hollywood market movies and actors at a far lower standard then they’d have to if the country only had historically literate reasonable people with integrity.

  • raven

    Huckabee said the ultimate solution is for America’s military to be the strongest “in the history of mankind”….

    1. We already have that. The US spends 40% of the world’s military budget, IIRC.

    2. I’m always astonished at how little education Huckabee has. A degree from some obscure bible college in magical thinking and a ministry degree in knowledge of fundie xian mythology.

    It shows.

    3. The problem with spending vast amounts on the miliary is that you end up with a country that isn’t even worth defending. This is what the Soviet Union did. A first world military based on a third world economy.

  • raym

    Just a minute… isn’t this the same fierce military the conservatives in Texas are preparing to fight when Jade Helm turns out to be an invasion?

  • raven

    Huckabee is an idiot.

    OK, so we end up with a massive military that scares everyone in the world silly.

    1. How are we going to pay for it? The military sucks up money like an industrial vacuum.

    2. Raise taxes? The GOP would never do that with Grover Nyquist haunting them. Cut spending? On what? Social Security and Medicare? The social safety net? Education?

    3. This is what happens when you base your life on magical thinking. Magic however, doesn’t actually work.

  • kenn

    Senator Graham is a male. If you know this, then why would you denigrate all females based on your perception of one man’s perceived qualities?

    Steer clear of The Politics Blog at Esquire magazine. You might just get a case of the vapors. Graham is known there as “Huckleberry Butch-Me-Up.”

  • http://healthvsmedicine.blogspot.com cervantes

    That was actually how the Iraq war was promised by President Cheney and Ronald Dumsfeld. Oddly, it didn’t turn out that way.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    cervantes “That was actually how the Iraq war was promised by President Cheney and Ronald Dumsfeld. Oddly, it didn’t turn out that way.”

    Repetition is the key to success.

  • Mr Ed

    When the Soviets went into Afghanistan the used a much heavier hand than the US would and they were unable to pacify and control the country. The only to do this is lightning genocide, carpet bomb the countryside and around the clock AC-130 flights over the cities. If it moves kill it.

    Huckabee’s policy is – There isn’t a war crime we won’t try.

  • felicis

    As the old saying goes – “Amateurs study tactics, professionals study logistics”… Now we can add, “And idiots bluster”.

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    We already have a song celebrating the kind of war Huckabee wants.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrbv40ENU_o

  • Larry

    We need to start the creation of our own version of The Unsullied immediately! Get out yer scissors, boys, and start clipping.

  • whheydt

    Re: wreck @ #10….

    Is that like the Scotsman in “My Bunny Lies Over the Sea”:

    Scotsman: One. And that’s my final offer.

    Bugs Bunny: One it is.

    Of course, we *could* take a country out if less than ten days, but the…fallout…would be rather problematical.

  • whheydt

    Perhaps it is worth remembering that Gen. Eisenhower’s main claim to fame was as an expert on logistics. When asked what equipment he most credited for victory in Europe he mentioned at various times: the 2.5 ton truck, Liberty ships, C47 cargo planes, and Jeeps. Note that *none* fo those are normally considered to be “weapons”.

  • marcus

    No, it’s a good plan, Huckabilly has seen the film. Orcs, we must recruit orcs!

    They fit the description perfectly.

  • Larry

    I’d love to hear what the Joint Chiefs would have to say about that kind of plan, being that they are actually, you know, military guys.

  • Reginald Selkirk

    that we can absolutely guarantee the outcome of this film.

    He actually said that? I know St. Ronald Reagan used to confuse movies with reality, I guess the Huckster confuses real war with movies. “Don’t worry, we’ll get ’em in the sequel.”

  • Reginald Selkirk

    whheydt #33: the 2.5 ton truck, Liberty ships, C47 cargo planes, and Jeeps. Note that *none* fo those are normally considered to be “weapons”.

    I sure wouldn’t like to have a 2.5 ton truck dropped on my head.

  • samgardner

    Huckabee does realize that strength isn’t really the issue w when facing ISIS or Al Qaeda specifically (and really, given the current US army, any of them)?

    What’s really frightening is that this probably doesn’t even make him the worst republican candidate. Not that I can really tell who that is…

  • http://artk.typepad.com ArtK

    I remember when the phrase “shock and awe” was used during the first Gulf War. All I could think of was a couple of 7yo boys playing at being soldiers. Sadly, the right hasn’t matured past that point. They think that “Bang, bang! You’re dead!” is a viable military policy.

  • lofgren

    Fierce = disproportionate, indiscriminate, without regard for political, cultural, moral, or literal fallout.

  • carpenterman

    Maybe he watches the History Channel. They way they tell it, nothing has happened since World War II, when we had a nice, clearly defined enemy, with a capital city and a standing army and all that good, easily identifiable stuff.

  • lorn

    If the sentiment seems familiar, and ominously hollow … it should:

    “You will be home before the leaves fall from the trees.”

    ―Wilhelm II of Germany

    Source/Notes:

    Addressing German soldiers departing for the front in WWI (August 1914), as quoted in The Chanak Affair (1969) by David Walder, p. 21

    From: http://izquotes.com/quote/278345

  • caseloweraz

    Huckabee: And we won’t take 10 years doing it, we hopefully won’t even take 10 months, it will be like a 10 day exercise, because the fierceness of our forces would mean that we can absolutely guarantee the outcome of this film. That’s how America needs to operate in the world of foreign affairs, and foreign policy.”

    He actually says “outcome of this film.” Like Ronald Reagan at one point, he confuses filmed fiction with reality.

    Perhaps Huckabee’s version of the 23rd psalm goes, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil — for I’m the meanest son of a b*tch in the valley.”

    He may have in his head the image of Rambo as a commando so fierce that when he loosed one of those explosive arrows at an enemy, the poor fool just stood there paralyzed with fear until it struck his chest and immolated him. And Rambo never missed, or course.

  • Hoosier X

    What’s really frightening is that this probably doesn’t even make him the worst republican candidate. Not that I can really tell who that is…

    Isn’t it surreal? I’m just fascinated by the Donald Trump phenomenon. Why are all the heads exploding about how awful Trump is? To me, he looks like a run -of-the-mill GOP far-right ding-dong. The only real difference is his mouth filter is set at 0% instead of 10%.

  • Hoosier X

    Is colnago a Huckabee advisor?

  • Artor

    Hey conago80 @#6, I’m sure Hucksterbee’s plan is to indiscriminately nuke the fuck out of the Middle East, exactly like you fantasize doing when you’re typing your genocidal screeds one-handed. You are hardly one to criticize someone else’s delusional chickenhawk bloviations.

  • chris69

    Sounds like a good idea for a new right wing game show. Contestant 1: I can destroy that enemy in 10 days, Contestant 2: I can destroy that enemy in 5 days, Contestant 3: I can destroy that enemy in 2 days …. Host: Contestant 3, destroy that enemy!

  • caseloweraz

    Wreck: Trump could do it in five days.

    That’s the Trumpster, all right. I keep expecting to hear him say with respect to whatever enemy he happens to be discussing that he’ll “volith forth skirkling and chivvy the rascals home with a whip.”

    That line comes from Jack Vance’s The Last Castle. Things didn’t turn out so well for the character who uttered it.

  • xuuths

    Well, Huckster is just pointing out how utterly powerful nukes are. I mean, the Japanese totally surrendered after we dropped just one on Hiroshima. We didn’t even have to drop one on Nagasaki, but because we’re so tough we did it anyway! (Why do so many village idiots run for president via the republican party?)

  • colnago80

    Re xuuths @ #49

    We only had the two bombs available at the time or we would have hit more targets.

  • Numenaster

    “volith forth skirkling” just makes me think “cat-like typing detected.”

  • colnago80

    Re lorn @ #42

    The Kaiser wasn’t alone in this regard. Most of the so-called military commentors at the time thought that, because of the weapon systems available at the time that the war would be so horrible that it would be short.

    The only man who thought otherwise was a Russian banker named Bloch, who predicted that a war between the great powers in Europe would devolve into a war of entrenchments, which might last a long time.

  • whheydt

    The problem any statement about war made by Reagan is that you have to take into consideration what his WW2 military career was like. He was posted at what was informally known as “Fort Roach”, aka the Hal Roach studios. He was making US propaganda films. In his war experience, at the end of the day, all the bodies got up and went home for dinner. Nobody ever really go hurt.

  • nemistenem

    As others have commented and is ridiculously obvious, we already have the world’s most powerful military by far. And pitiful pastor only includes Islamic groups and countries in his list of those we should be able to destroy in 10 days – second rate groups at best. No mention of other potential adversaries we may face in the future like Russia or China – HTF are we supposed to take them out in 10 days without a preemptive nuke strike, which would virtually guarantee our own destruction a few minutes later? I guess when you live your cognitive dissonance life in fantasy land believing in the supernatural your mind can come up with such idiocy without breaking a sweat.

  • D. C. Sessions

    What’s really frightening is that this probably doesn’t even make him the worst republican candidate. Not that I can really tell who that is…

    That’s why we have primaries.

  • Lady Mondegreen

    Heard similar bullshit from Miss Lindsay Graham yesterday

    Uh huh, no. Homophobic and misogynistic shit like that are not appreciated here.

    And if you suggest I might get “the vapors,” I’ll hand you your bigoted raggedy-ass on a pewter platter, so don’t try it.

  • sabrekgb

    Laughing indeed.

    The man clearly knows nothing about logistics. We can destroy the entire world in a few hours, or any individual, small target. Anything else in between, we need time to do it right. Oh, and collateral damage? Not a thing, apparently.

    Also, does he not know how long it took us to destroy the Iraqi military (third largest at the time) during the first gulf war? 100 hours. Less than 10 days. We already have that military, pretty much (except for operations against near-peers). It’s not that the use of it takes all that long. It’s the staging that’s key (and leaving, of course).

  • The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge

    caseloweraz @ 48:

    That’s:

    “Were power-wagons at hand, I’d volith riding forth with a whip to send

    the raudelbogs skirkling home.”

  • Doc Bill

    Nuke ’em from orbit. It’s the only way to make sure.

  • dingojack

    Scientismis (#14) – forget God Bless America

    :( Dingo

  • njosprey

    Burke: But he can’t make that decision. He’s just a grunt, no offense.

    Hicks: None taken.

  • robertfaber

    @56, I happen to think he is gay, and the only thing wrong with that is his voting record with regard to LGBTQ rights. That’s my opinion of him. As for your threats, I’m pretty sure those are less appreciated here. Anyone else who agrees with 56 but hasn’t stopped watching the Daily Show, should probably consider not watching the Daily Show anymore, at least until Jon Stewart leaves. You know what I’m talking about. Anyone want to call Stewart out as a homophobe and misogynist? Thought not.

  • brucegee1962

    So what if he’s gay / effeminate? What does that have to do with his opinions on the military, or whether or not he’d be a good leader? It’s like saying he has blue eyes, so he must want to end social security. The stereotypes you’re invoking aren’t even 20th century old ,they’re 19th century old.

  • lofgren

    The stereotypes you’re invoking aren’t even 20th century old ,they’re 19th century old.

    It’s a 19th century stereotype that gay men shouldn’t demagogue on issues that harm gay people in order to appeal to conservative voters?

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    He’s not gay. He’s from South Carolina. They’re all like that.

  • dingojack

    So Lindsay Graham is simultaneously a raving hypocrite on the issue of LBGTae* rights AND a cringing, craven chicken-hawk. Everyone happy now?

    (just call me a ‘child of god’)

    @@ Dingo

    ———

    * Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Transgender and etcetera

  • StevoR

    @56. Lady Mondegreen :

    “Heard similar bullshit from Miss Lindsay Graham yesterday’ – robertfaber

    Uh huh, no. Homophobic and misogynistic shit like that are not appreciated here.

    Seconded. Please don’t do that.

    @62. robertfaber :

    @56, I happen to think he ( Lindsay Graham – ed ) is gay, and the only thing wrong with that is his voting record with regard to LGBTQ rights. That’s my opinion of him.

    I can think of a lot of things wrong with Lindsey Graham and his being possibly a closeted gay isn’t one of them.

    His policies and statements and actions are what counts – and to derogatarily impute homosexuality and femiminity to him as those things are intrinsically bad is really not cool. So, again, please don’t do that.

    As for your threats, I’m pretty sure those are less appreciated here.

    What threats? I think that saying “And if you suggest I might get “the vapors,” I’ll hand you your bigoted raggedy-ass on a pewter platter, so don’t try it.” isn’t really a threat but a warning and a caution and advice all pharsed with the provisional *if*. You weren’t going to take that tack anyhow were you?

    Anyone else who agrees with 56 but hasn’t stopped watching the Daily Show, should probably consider not watching the Daily Show anymore, at least until Jon Stewart leaves. You know what I’m talking about. Anyone want to call Stewart out as a homophobe and misogynist? Thought not.

    Actually, no I don’t know what you are talking about -but then I’m an Aussie & can’t see Jon Stewart over here.

  • StevoR

    Bugger! Bloody blockquotes & italics tags never bein’ where ya think they are!

    An’ worse no editing so you can’t just simply fix ’em. Sigh.

    Oh well, hope y’all get the gist and follow it okay anyhow.

  • StevoR

    I know there’s preview and mea culpa there -but preview never seems to work right here anyhow and even when it does, it doesn’t seem towork for me personally in terms of spotting shit I should spot. Sigh.

  • StevoR

    Arrrgh! Okay for clarity :

    I can think of a lot of things wrong with Lindsey Graham and his being possibly a closeted gay isn’t one of them.

    His policies and statements and actions are what counts – and to derogatarily impute homosexuality and femiminity to him as *though / if* _those_ things are intrinsically bad is really not cool.

    PS. Whilst on meta blogging convenience / capabilities gripes – can we lose the annoying automatic “read more link” tag thingy please ED BRAYTON! Pretty please with a Purple Plutonian peak on top!

  • StevoR

    Bad things about Lindsey Graham :

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lindsey_Graham

    – He’s a Republican

    – He Voted for the Defense of Marriage Act.

    – He opposes (opposed?) Obamacare

    Actually for a Republicans nominee running for POTUS he seems one of the relatively saner and more moderate ones. Which, I guess means he’s doomed to fall at the first hurdle anyway just as Huntsman did.

  • colnago80

    Re Robert Faber @ #62

    Actually, the only “evidence” relative to Lindsay Graham seems to be his somewhat allegedly effeminate manner. That’s pretty sparse. For instance, the case against former Governor Rick Perry being a switch hitter is a lot stronger, as it is alleged that his partner is his former legislative assistant. It also appears that the allegations about Perry are quite widespread in Texas. Maybe MagistraMarla has some information on the subject.

  • https://plus.google.com/107095827599382907783 NS Alito

    For the Aussies, et al, who are unfamiliar with Jon Stewart’s take on Miss Lindsay Graham: After a typical clip of Graham commenting on how threatened we should feel about every video-making terrorist on the planet, Jon mocks him as the faint-hearted Southern Belle (“Miss Lindsay”), raised as a frail hot-house flower of the upper-class antebellum South.

  • StevoR

    @ ^ NS Alito : Oh. Okay, yeah that sounds pretty bad and uncool of him. Not good.