Jim Bakker: Iran Deal Responsible for Drought in California

Disgraced con man televangelist Jim Bakker and Alabama Pastor John Kilpatrick had a long, ridiculous discussion on Bakker’s TV show, the usual rot about how every natural disaster that ever happens was caused by whatever they don’t like in the world.

During a discussion about the End Times on The Jim Bakker Show, Alabama Pastor John Kilpatrick explained that God was punishing America for abortions, idolatry, homosexuality and fornication.

“What God said is that blood itself had a life,” Kilpatrick told Bakker. “So whenever a doctor aborts a baby and that blood is being flushed down the commode, God hears the voice of that baby going down that commode, saying, ‘Help! Forgive Lord! Forgive them! Forgive my mother!’”

Uh, fetuses can’t talk. But if they could, they’d probably still make a lot more sense than you.

Kilpatrick pointed out that the Bible said that “the land is full of sexual sin” like homosexuality.

“Because the curse of the sin the land lies parched,” he said. “What’s going on in California right now with such a drought.”

The Alabama pastor noted that God was also punishing the U.S. for “breaking covenant.”

“We’ve been in a covenant with Israel since 1948, we’ve been blessed. We haven’t cursed Israel, we’ve been blessed,” Kilpatrick observed.

“We’ve been Israel’s second home!” Bakker agreed. “We have been a second Israel. We have been somewhat as a God-blessed nation, a spiritual haven for the Jew. Israel and us are the only ones!”

“Every detail has taken place, people,” he added.

“We’re breaking covenant,” Kilpatrick continued. “But not only are we breaking covenant now, but this [same-sex marriage] law has just come down from the Supreme Court. You’ve got the blood moons coming up… all this stuff is dovetailing and coming together right now.”

“We are negotiating this minute while we are sitting here with Iran,” Bakker lamented. “We’re making covenant with Iran, who have vowed — vowed — to destroy Israel.”

Israel will be safer after this deal than before, regardless of the inane ravings of its prime minister. But one has to wonder, why hasn’t, say, Saudi Arabia been hit with terrible natural disasters? Why isn’t God punishing them for their opposition to Israel? Damn, I forgot — “mysterious ways.”

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  • peterh

    Jim doesn’t disappoint; he can always be counted on for some weapons-grade stupid.

  • Michael Heath

    Two of the behaviors that frustrate me most about conservative Christianity are vividly illustrated here. One is their incredible dishonesty, where their evidence-less or even false beliefs are presented as objectively true assertions. The second is their refusal to adapt to a more critical approach to thinking once they’re proved wrong.

    So as absurd as John Kilpatrick and Jim Bakker’s assertions are here, their systemic approach to thinking demonstrated here is equivalent to what is required by all religious fundamentalists.

  • wreck

    “We’ve been in a covenant with Israel since 1948, we’ve been blessed.”

    It’s amazing, isn’t it? Absolutely nothing bad has happened since 1948, until this drought thing. Thanks Obama!!!

  • Larry

    if we only had them, this would be worthy of a three-handed face palm. It is possibly one of the most ridiculously stupid things one of these Jesus-fuckers has ever said.

  • StevoR

    Yeah, god forbid it could be that whole Global Overheating them them thar scieti-whatsits have been telling us about for years eh?

  • llewelly

    The California drought started in November of 2011, more or less.

    As far as I know, there was no clear sign there could be any deal at all until Hassan Rouhani was elected in 2013 . And the agreement was not reached until very recently.

  • StevoR

    @3. Wreck : Well bad stuff did happen like Hurricanes Katrina and Sandy and the Iraq war and 9-11 and ..and ..

    B-b-But that’s coz o’ teh Gehy!! Teh Joooz! The arbor-sguns! Benghazxi! And most o’all the President Ooohbwaaaaahhhmahh wahh …

  • StevoR

    .. Also teh freminnazzis, atheists and teh Blecks! (Oops *wink*, urban folks) Just ask the late Falwell :

    “I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen.'”[59] Falwell further stated that the attacks were “probably deserved”,

    But everything good America’s ever had happen to it that’s cozza God – specifically , very *very* specifically our own particularly hateful version o’god and don’ ye fergeddit!!

    (I like typing phonetic slurred accents, it makes my typos appear plausible!)

  • StevoR

    ^ 911. Is what Falwell was referring to there. Case anyone didn’t already know.

  • StevoR

    “Because the curse of the sin the land lies parched,” he said. “What’s going on in California right now with such a drought.”

    Oh well, easy fixed just get Rick Perry in charge and get him toorder a few dayds of prayer and that’ll work just dandy liek it did for Texas :

    http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/08/11/rick-perrys-unanswered-prayers/

    In the four months since Perry’s request for divine intervention, his state has taken a dramatic turn for the worse. Nearly all of Texas is now in “extreme or exceptional” drought, as classified by federal meteorologists, the worst in Texas history.

    Lakes have disappeared. Creeks are phantoms, the caked bottoms littered with rotting, dead fish. Farmers cannot coax a kernel of grain from ground that looks like the skin of an aging elephant.

    Is this Rick Perry’s fault, a slap to a man who doesn’t believe that humans can alter the earth’s climate — God messin’ with Texas? No, of course not. God is too busy with the upcoming Cowboys football season and solving the problems that Tony Romo has reading a blitz.

    *Ahem* Or not.

    Also who the hell is /was Tony Romo and what was he blitzing?

  • noahsarkive

    There is absolutely no question that the drought in California was caused by the Supreme Court’s legalization of GAY MARRIAGE!!

    Anyone who sez otherwise is a COMMIE-FASCIST-ISLAMO-LESBIAN-HOMO!!!

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    Well, sure, it sounds dumb if you think about it. So don’t do that last part.

  • busterggi

    This covenant that ‘we’ have with god – I want to see the original copy because I’m pretty sure I never signed it.

  • dannorth

    Ed: ” why hasn’t, say, Saudi Arabia been hit with terrible natural disasters? Why isn’t God punishing them for their opposition to Israel? ”

    Oh yeah, how long has the drought been going on in Saudi Arabia? Well before there was even an ancient Israel (or Saudi Arabia) let alone the modern state of Israel.

    That’s how preemptive God’s wrath can be.

    That the drought in California started a mere few years before the treaty il simply because God has realised that nowadays we have a shorter attention span (though I can’t rule out inteference from Soros’ time machine).

  • dingojack

    busterggi – make sure it’s the long or vault form and not just a cruddy JPEG…

    @@ Dingo

  • http://www.ranum.com Marcus Ranum

    See? F. Scott Fitzgerald was wrong.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    … Alabama Pastor John Kilpatrick explained that God was punishing America for abortions, idolatry, homosexuality and fornication.

    Having some slight cognizance of whose show he delivered these insights on, Kilpatrick did cleverly omit “adultery” from his laundry list of licentiousness.

  • Al Dente

    StevoR @10

    Tony Romo is the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys American football team. The centre half-forward is the closest Aussie Rules footy equivalent to the quarterback.

    The blitz is:

    …when additional players are sent to “rush the quarterback”—that is, try to tackle the quarterback or disrupt his pass attempt…Like the Blitzkrieg, the blitz is a concentration of force at high speed to force a breakthrough and proceed without regard to the flanks.

  • M can help you with that.

    Speaking of the California drought: this is Pride weekend in San Diego, and we just had a storm that makes this the wettest July in the last hundred years. Clearly, the drought is a sign that we just haven’t been gay enough. Rainbows bring rain! The driest parts of the state are, of course, the homophobic backwaters — and the Bay Area, the gayest metro area in the world, is quite drizzly. Proof!

    (Don’t try to use other states to contradict me. California is favored by Eris, so the rules work differently here.)

  • colnago80

    Re StevoR @ #10

    To elaborate a little on Al Dente’s comment @ #18

    In American football, there are 11 players on a side. On defense, in most instances, there are 4 men at the line of scrimmage, called down lineman, and 3 players stationed just behind then known as linebackers, with 4 men further back to defend against forward passes, known as defensive backs. This is known as a 4-3 defense. However, some teams, like the local team, the Washington Deadskins, play 3 men at the line of scrimmage and 4 linebackers just behind them. This it known as a 3-4 defense. Just to confuse things further, in special circumstances, there are variations on this, for instance in “obvious” passing situations, one of the down linemen or one of the linebackers is replaced by a defensive back. This is called a nickel defense or a nickel package (e.g. 5 defensive backs).

    Now having sowed confusion, a blitz is where one or more of the linebackers rushes the quarterback instead of joining the defensive backs in pass defense or hanging back on the defensive side of the line of scrimmage guarding against the run. In the past, this was sometimes called a “red dog”.

    American football has become very complicated and scientific, much like baseball. I haven’t even broached the subject of the variations on offense, which are almost as convoluted as on defense.

  • StevoR

    @ ^ Colnago80 & #1. Al Dente : Okay thanks for that. So not cricket!

  • StevoR

    But whatever floats folks boats.

    Gimme cricket or motor racing any day.. Personal pref.

    Oh & again, thanks for the explanations.

  • dingojack

    Stevo – not cricket – they actually move, rather than stand around motionless for hours…

    😉 Dingo

  • Al Dente

    One of the great philosophical questions of modern Western civilization: Which is more boring, cricket or baseball?

  • StevoR

    Baseball o’course. Ya never watched a cricket match?Test, ODI or T-20!

  • StevoR

    Not that I’ve ever watched baseball – way too boring for me… 😉

    Even if it did feature in an SF novel once :

    http://www.deverry.com/blues.html

    Which I must admit weren’t bad.

  • http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Modusoperandi Modusoperandi

    StevoR “Not that I’ve ever watched baseball – way too boring for me… ;-)”

    Really? How about in the second best episode of The Real Ghostbusters ever?

  • http://timgueguen.blogspot.com timgueguen

    Baker and Kilpatrick might want to do some reading. US support for Israel in the years immediately after 1948 was relatively lukewarm. Many important figures in the Truman administration were reluctant to recognise Israel. Aid was largely limited to food aid. Israel’s big arms supplier in the ’50s was France, not the US. The US government tried to tread a neutral path between Israel and various Arab states. It was only with the Johnson administration that the US became openly enthusiastic in support of Israel, including becoming Israel’s primary arms supplier.

  • sugarfrosted

    @21 I was a cricket frog all along.

  • peterh

    The above attempts to explain NFL football to foreigners overlook the prime factor: random. Just ask the Seattle Seahawks for an example or two.

  • Nick Gotts

    timgueguen@28,

    Yes, it’s an odd covenant when you step in to thwart those you’re covenanted to: when France and the UK conspired with Israel to attack Egypt in 1956, Eisenhower intervened to halt the operation. The alliance between the USA and Israel hasn’t always existed, and may not always exist. Which may be why Netanyahu and his chums are in such a froth of rage and disgust about the agreement with Iran – they see a possible future in which the American foreign policy in the MIddle East seriously cuts across Israeli interests: Iran is already in a de facto military alliance with the USA and its satellites against Sunni extremists, of which Israel is not a member; while Israel sees Iran as its main rival for regional power, and Assad as more dangerous than Daesh or al Qaeda.

  • rietpluim

    Once again they do not blame the culprit: that petty God who – according to their own beliefs – sent the drought in the first place.

  • colnago80

    Re Nick Gotts @ #31

    The attitude of Israel towards the Assad kleptocracy is rather complicated. For some 40 years after the 1973 war, they tacitly supported Assad pere and Assad fils because they kept things quiet on the Golan Highths front. Since the revolution in Syria started, their attitude has swung back and forth from believing that a weakened Assad remaining in power was in their interest to playing footsie with the FSA. Currently, they seem to have concluded that Assad is for the high jump and are tacitly supporting the al-Nusra Front by providing medical treatment for their casualties, mainly because the al-Nusra Front is confronting Hizbollah on the Golan Highths cease fire line. In the old Arab tradition the enemy of my enemy is my friend, Hizbollah is considered, along with the ISIL, the worst of the alternatives in Syria so anybody else is to be preferred.