Shoebat: Earthquake Predictions Proves Jesus Right!

Shoebat the Elder — Walid, that is, the fake “ex-terrorist,” not his even more vile son Theodore — points to recent reports about an inevitable earthquake that will hit the Pacific Northwest as proof that Jesus’ end-times prediction in the Olivet Discourse is about to come true. The end is nigh!

Jesus predicted in the Olivet Discourse that a pronounced increase in the frequency and intensity of earthquakes would occur just prior to His return to the earth. Now if you live in the Pacific Northwest, you might want to consider moving after seeing the new scientific report which predicts that a mega-earthquake will kill thousands and destroy a sizable portion of the Pacific Northwest. Even more disturbing? It’s overdue.

The New Yorker reported that FEMA calculations show these types of earthquakes happen at regular intervals in this specific part of the world, roughly every 240 years.

Michio Kaku, a physicist and professor at City College of New York, told Fox News today that the troubling article doesn’t overstate the danger.

“The Cascadia fault is an earthquake waiting to happen,” Kaku stated. “We know it’s going to happen with an energy 30 times … the maximum energy of the San Andreas fault.”…

In Matthew 24:7-8 it says: “For nation will rise up against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines, and earthquakes in various places. All these events are the beginning of birth pains.”

That’s it. That’s his whole argument, folks. Jesus predicted earthquakes and no there’s a prediction of a big earthquake. Of course, earthquakes happen all the time. In fact, every prediction made in the Olivet Discourse (Matthew 24) — “wars and rumors of wars,” for instance — is an entirely mundane one that happens literally all the time. There has not been a single time in the last 2000 years when those “predictions” were not happening. That’s why every generation of Christians includes a lot of people who are sure they’re living in the end times.

But there’s another verse in the Olivet Discourse that he neglects to mention, verse 34:

Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.

He told his followers that they were living in the end times, and they believed him. They were expecting his return and the end of the world during their lifetimes. Didn’t happen, of course, and hasn’t happened since, despite every generation being sure they were the ones.

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  • Synfandel

    I seem to recall that Jesus was a carpenter, not a seismologist. What does he know?

  • Donnie

    Didn’t we have a boobquake to prove the existence of Earthquakes were not dependent on other variables?

  • Abby Normal

    Didn’t happen, of course, and hasn’t happened since

    That’s what you think. Actually the world ended almost 2000 years ago. That’s why our world bears such little resemblance to the flat, crystal encased, suddenly created, magical Earth the Bible describes. If you’re wondering where we are, if not Earth, than just look around and ask yourself, “Is this Heaven?”

  • whheydt

    MIchio Kaku is an interesting person. He’s a good public speaker, but he tends to express opinions as an “expert” on subject *way* out of his actual field of knowledge.

    Also…the recurrence interval for the subduction zone in the Pacific Northwest is anywhere 200 to 900 years. Last big quake was a bit over 300 years ago (1700, dated from a tsunami that hit Japan), so while it could happen today, it might not occur for another 600 years without doing anything different than it has done in the past.

  • Larry

    I thought these nut jobs didn’t believe in science. Or, maybe, science is good when it predicts the death and destruction of thousands.

  • tfkreference

    Another specific prediction from the bible! (The only other one I can think of offhand is the return of Jesus before the current generation dies).

    This one must be true because I’ve been to “various places” in Washington and Oregon

  • busterggi

    “Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.’

    I thought Gandalf was the one who said something about not being able to pass.

  • janiceintoronto

    Moving from the quake prone area will not help if it’s just going to lead to the end of the world.

    Where are you gonna go? There’s no Planet B.

  • matty1

    I thought Gandalf was the one who said something about not being able to pass.

    That was before he ate the prunes of doom.

  • moarscienceplz

    I thought Gandalf was the one who said something about not being able to pass.

    That was before he ate the prunes of doom.

    And then he sent poor Frodo to the Crack of Doom! Ewww!

  • peterh

    “…Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.”

    And, nearby (scriptologically) is the comment “some of those standing here will not taste of death until…….”

  • anubisprime

    Why do these dimwad fundies get so upset about the ‘end times’ with their woe woe and thrice woeing?

    It don’t make any kind of sense, do they want the end times or not?

    They should logically be encouraging atheists, teh gheys, wimmin’s and those they hate in general including welcoming natural phenomena…because according to fundy rhetoric these folks and incidents are the reason, if not harbinger for jeebus rockin’ up and strutting his stuff among them once again…you would think they would be grateful and in fact encourage the depravity that will bring on their prediction?

    Except of course the nonsense was only ever meant to frighten the shit out of non-believers in days gone by, with the intent of turning them into believers and saving themselves in the process.

    A con job, a lie and manipulation and above all utter codswollop…like the rest of their banality.

    They find it hard to realize that the bull-shite has long passed its sell by date as a tactic to recruit.

  • eoraptor

    Do I have to ‘splain to all the science reporters that dividing the number of earthquakes by the number of years between the first and last earthquake tells one nothing about when the next earthquake will occur? The odds are 1:900 (or 1:240, or whatever the odds may be), in any given year, that there will be a >9.0 earthquake along the Cascadia fault. The odds are 1:900 this year; they were 1:900 a hundred years ago; and they will be 1:900 one hundred years in the future — even if there’s a 1:900 event between now and then.

    Maybe this complete ignorance about statistics is why casinos are so lucrative?

  • StevoR

    Oh the End times are definitely here -the clock on my microwave says the time is ‘END’ right now! Its here the Rapturr iszz heah!

    (Oh wait, takes out cup of tea, actually now says its 1.53.)