Dammit, We Lost God’s ‘Hedge of Protection’ Again

I am constantly amused by the claim by the Christian right that if we don’t do what they say, their big bad buddy is going to punish us, or “lift his hand of protection” from the country. I can never tell whether he’s already done that or is about to do that. Here’s another round of that bullshit.

After the caller said that the recent decision from the Supreme Court on marriage equality is weakening “the hedge of protection coming across us,” Perkins readily agreed that God will lift His protective hand from the U.S. as a result of gay people getting married.

“Absolutely, absolutely,” Perkins replied, adding that with the Obergefell ruling on same-sex marriage, we “put ourselves in a very vulnerable position” just like in “1973 when the court basically said it’s open season on the unborn, there were consequences to that and I believe it’s a part of removing God’s hand of protection upon a nation.”

This claim is just such nonsense. How can we tell if God has removes his hand of protection from the country? Something bad happens? But bad things happen all the time. There has never been a time in 230 years when bad things were not happening to the country. But whenever some policy is adopted or court ruling comes down that they don’t like, anything bad that happens after that is just obviously caused by it. They just aren’t very good at this whole logical thinking thing.

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POPULAR AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • basementmatt

    I wish it was a blackberry bush, a thicket even, of protection. Delicious blackberries in every pot.

  • http://www.thelosersleague.com theschwa

    All those bad things ARE when God lifts his hand of protection. Like to wipe his nose, or scratch his ass. He then returns his (smelly) hand, but in that short time, some bad stuff got in and made a some dead bodies. It is theology 101, Ed.

  • wreck

    Hedge of protection? I thought it was more of a shrubbery. What’s the worst that can happen? Is Dog going to say Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!

  • sugarfrosted

    I’d have preferred a hedge maze of protection.

  • raven

    Hey, no problem.

    We are now under the Rainbow fence of the gods Thor, Isis, Gaia, Sophia, Frigga, and Athena!!!

    They are every bit as powerful as the fundie xian god Oogy Boogy, and quite a bit more benign and interesting.

    Plus my cat. She is more powerful than the fundie xian gods. At least she is real and does something tangible in the real world.

  • Larry

    Hedges aren’t really known for their protective qualities. Mainly, they’re decorative and they separate mine from yours. I’d like to see a hedge of protection protect those in the Pacific Northwest, west of I-5 when the big one hits. Where’s your hedge now, Seattle?

  • tsig

    Why did the US need special protection? Are we that weak?

  • Georgia Sam

    Wait, I’m confused. I thought God had already removed his shield, or hand, or hedge, or whatever of protection about … let’s see here … 147 times. And that’s just since Obama was elected president. It’s amazing that so many people are tapped into the same omniscient source of truth, but can’t get their stories straight about what he’s telling them.

  • John Hinkle

    I saw Hedge of Protection in the basement of our local church, Our Lady of 139th Street. They’re a Christian band and sing a lot about the Garden of Eden. I couldn’t stand it.

  • reddiaperbaby1942

    As a wise woman once said, if you want to know God’s will, just wait to see what happens, and that’s God’s will. So obviously the deity is in favor of same-sex marriage, Roe vs. Wade, the taking down of Confederate flags, and so on and so forth. Why are the deluded RWNJs fighting so hard against these things? It’s practically blasphemy!

  • dugglebogey

    In 1900 a hurricane hit Galveston Texas and completely destroyed the city, killing up to 12,000 people.

    Was that when we were under your god’s protection?

  • Larry

    #11

    I think god was appearing in an oily puddle of water that day and couldn’t break away. Those damn public appearances! God hates ’em but knows he needs to keep up appearances for all the rubes out there.

  • Pierce R. Butler

    Y’all have to remember that Tony Perkins spends a lot of time with his comrades fellow Republicans.

    In their lingo, “removing one’s hedge” means transferring a hedge fund offshore to evade taxes.

    A serious threat, that, on a national level – we’ve lost hundreds of billions in capital that way – but no point in worrying, nothing us peons can do about that anyway.

  • raven

    In their lingo, “removing one’s hedge” means transferring a hedge fund offshore to evade taxes.

    Well, OK.

    So where is my Hedge Fund of Protection anyway?

    Romney has one in Bermuda worth $100 million. I want to know how he got it and want one too.

  • dingojack

    But the real question is:

    Is god a high enough level Magic User to get the full saving throw from the Hedge of Protection anyway?

    Dingo

    ———

    Is the Hedge of Protection – Box, Privet, Bougainvillea or what? Enquiring minds…

  • Sastra

    I wonder if Christians who buy into this “hedge of protection” nonsense are all secretly mad at their parents. Nothing bad would have ever happened to them if Mommy and Daddy hadn’t fallen down on their job.

    Wait, no. Must have been something they did to deserve it. Mommy and Daddy are never wrong.

  • Crimson Clupeidae

    Regarding the hurricane of 1900: There had to be a least a few people who survived, therefore, miracle proving that god was still there (just not for those 12,000 or so sinners, who had it coming, obviously).

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    Fortunately my Louisville Slugger (Plus 10 versus fundies) is still intact and protecting me. And since their god doesn’t exist I think I’ll be OK.

  • Synfandel

    raven @5:

    At least she is real and does something tangible in the real world.

    Or in the litter box when she’s indoors.

  • http://festeringscabofrealityblogspot.com fifthdentist

    Somebody really should nail that thing down or put a GPS tracking device on it. It seems like that hedge is getting lost every week since Obama has been in office.

  • Knight in Sour Armor

    They must be referring to the “two ocean moat” that has historically protected us. I imagine our friends on the coasts have now discovered their beachfront properties have expanded by a great order of magnitude.

  • freemage

    Little-known fact: God’s Hedge of Protection is actually made out of the same material as Superballs. So even after he lets it drop into place again, there’s always a bunch of bounces, letting bad things slip in. Any day when there isn’t a natural disaster or terrorist attack, though, the HoP is obviously in place.

  • blf

    The magic sky faeries’s hedge of protection must be working.

    Nobody can find them/him/her/it.

    Probably also explains why their/his/her/its aim is so bad, the thunderbolts and whatnot keep bouncing off the hedge. They/him/her/it often has to duck to avoid being hit by previously cast lightening and spells and so that on bouncing around inside the hedgefort.

  • jnorris

    Raven, since Mexico legalized same-gender marriage, we have their unpronounceable gods’ protection too.

    And those who doubt the power of a Hedge of Protection, after D-Day, the allied invasion forces were slowed to a craw because of the French hedgerows.

  • sigurd jorsalfar

    Ed, it’s obvious. He means there will be another 9/11 as punishment for a decision of the Supreme Court. Just like the last 9/11 when the Good Lord lifted his hand of protection from the USA as punishment for the Supreme Court electing George W. Bush.

  • davek23

    But whenever some policy is adopted or court ruling comes down that they don’t like, anything bad that happens after that is just obviously caused by it. They just aren’t very good at this whole logical thinking thing.

    Aaaah, give ’em a break. They’re only Humean!