Apparently, Jesus Was Full of Gluten

The doctrine of transubstantiation has always been one of the most ridiculous ideas in all of religion, but the Catholic Church seems intent on making it even sillier. They’ve now banned the use of gluten-free communion wafers because it evidently can’t really become the body of Christ.


THE Vatican has outlawed the use of gluten-free bread during the Holy Communion ritual…

Called unleavened bread, Catholics believe that during the sacrament the bread and accompanying wine turn into the body and blood of Christ.

Cardinal Robert Sarah of the Vatican’s Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, which handles the affairs relating to religious practices during mass, said the decision was made to ensure people were buying the bread made by certified people “distinguished by their integrity”.

Although completely gluten-free bread was banned, genetically modified low-gluten alternatives are acceptable as long as there is enough protein in the wheat to make it without additives.

Well sure. I mean, obviously it doesn’t correctly transform into the body of Christ without gluten. Jesus was just chock full of gluten, amirite? If my eyes rolled any harder, I could use them at a bowling alley.

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