Michele Bachmann Preaches Lies to the Choir

Michele Bachmann, having relenquished her former position as the dumbest member of the House of Representatives for a new one as pastor-without-portfolio to the United Nations, spoke at the Values Voters Summit and preached a sermon full of nonsense to the assembled choir.

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“You know, the remarkable thing,” she said, “when you read the Bible, every archeology find that has ever come forward has only proved the authenticity of the Bible.”

“We can’t even conceive of how great eternity will be with Him,” Bachmann declared. “It will be fabulous. And as fabulous as heaven will be, there will also be a literal hell. In the greatest tragedy in all of history, people who do not receive this free gift, there will be a place called hell and hell lasts just as long as heaven.”

Every archaeology find proved the authenticity of the Bible? That will come as quite a surprise to actual archaeologists. Where is the evidence of Israeli slavery in Egypt? Where is the evidence of an earthquake that tor the temple veil upon the resurrection of Jesus, or the saints rising from their graves to wander the streets of Jerusalem as it says in the gospels? That’s not the sort of thing that would go without notice. One could go on all day.

"We're gonna need a smaller knothole."

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