Warning: Alex Jones is Going to Reproduce Again

Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill, this is a Level 5 crisis. Alex Jones says he is planning to have more children so he can defeat those evil, amorphous “globalists” that he is constantly raving about. I suspect these “globalists” exist like those human-animal chimeras exist, only in Jones’ imagination.

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Jones insisted that “almost none” of today’s modern tech leaders and political elites have families because they fear that children will not be admitted into the below-ground facilities during the global mass extermination that he said they are planning.

“They wouldn’t put kids through what’s about to happen. I’m having more. I’m putting everything I got on the table,” Jones said, slapping his desk. “I’m going to have more children. We’re going into this. We’re going to win. I’m putting everything on the line. I’m not a coward. I’m having more.”

This is where the federal government really needs to step in, isn’t it? To paraphrase Oliver Wendell Holmes, one generation of ridiculous conspiracy crackpots is more than enough. Someone give him some juice boxes and turn him gay, like the frogs!

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