Mormons: Masturbation Causes The Gay

A leaked document from the Mormon church teaches that masturbation must be avoided at all costs because it can turn kids gay. The argument it makes is hilariously moronic: Almost all gay people masturbate. Right. And only gay people, amirite?

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The 1981 guidebook, released this week by the transparency group MormonLeaks, provides some insights into what many young Mormons have been taught about sexual development and homosexuality over the years.

“Early masturbation experiences introduce the individual to sexual thoughts which may become habit forming and reinforcing to homosexual interests,” the guidebook claims. “Self-masturbation is almost universal among those who engage in homosexual behavior, and is a very difficult habit for most to overcome.”

The Mormon church believes homosexuality is “of grave concern” because it may involve violent or criminal behavior and is as sinful as heterosexual adultery and fornication, the guidebook says. The book also claims that homosexuality is a learned behavior influenced by unhealthy development in early childhood, and says that absentee fathers and dominant mothers are among the main culprits for these developmental problems leading to homosexuality.

I’ve got news for them: Self-masturbation is almost universal among all human beings. Indeed, among all mammals with opposable thumbs. And yet only a small percentage of people are gay. Theory: Disproven, conclusively. One of the most absurd and dangerous aspects of virtually every religion is their view of human sexuality. It has lead to oppression on multiple levels in virtually every society around the globe for centuries.

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