Complete the Atheist Joke #2

March 5, 2008 By Guest Contributor 42 Comments

Got a punchline…?

How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?



[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

Filed Under: General, Humor 42 Comments
  • http://del.icio.us/jcchurch James

    It only takes one, but there are hundreds more hiding in the shadows who are too afraid to speak out for the need to change the light bulb.

  • http://omega-geek.blogspot.com Spook

    Psh, what light bulb? You and your silly fairy stories!

  • jonathan

    There’s no evidence to support the assertion that atheist change light bulbs.

  • Joseph R.

    None, Brights don’t need light bulbs.

  • Scott

    None, they always see the light.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    Six.

    One to ridicule the people who don’t realize the light is out.
    One to ridicule the ridiculers and try to make nice with those who don’t realize the light is out.
    One to realize that the light is out but do nothing for fear of being thought of as someone who realizes that the light is out.
    One to be skeptical that the light receptacle even has power.
    One not to even care.
    One to actually change the light bulb.

    Did that cover everybody?

  • http://athinkingman.wordpress.com athinkingman

    None. Atheists prefer to lead each other through the darkness and develop their own night vision.

  • Adam

    It doesn’t matter, atheists will never see the light anyway!

    :-P

  • http://alenonimo.com.br/ Alenônimo

    None. Atheists just hire eletrician, like anybody else.

  • http://stereoroid.com/ brian t

    A: None: the lightbulb isn’t broken, even if you’re told it is, and you believe it is.

  • James

    Two: One to hold the ladder, one to change the lightbulb… and zero invisible friends.

  • Richard

    None. They’ll just sit back and wait for it to evolve light giving properties.

  • MercuryBlue

    One, to change the light bulb. Contrast to the number of religious people it takes to change a light bulb—a large number trying to become larger, because they’re all sure that if there’s just one more person praying, if they all pray just a little bit harder, God will change the light bulb.

  • robin

    None. Atheists aren’t afraid of the dark.

  • Susan

    One. Because atheists keep a supply of bulbs and don’t rely on a myth in case they run out.

  • http://www.xanga.com/drew85 Drew

    An atheist can’t change a light bulb, but hopefully they can offer enough evidence that the light bulb will change on its own.

  • Tolga K.

    One atheist.
    One sacrificial goat.
    Three ground up babies (and an aborted fetus).
    One bag of tortilla chips.
    And fifty freshly torn pages from a Bible to clean up the mess.

  • Joseph R.

    Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

  • Arlen

    Atheists don’t know how to change a light bulb, but they’re sure your method is wrong.

  • http://vantru.is LegoPanda

    Atheists do know how to change a light bulb, but they would like to discuss the irrationality of some other methods first.

  • Jack

    None. An atheist rationally knows that a light bulb can’t be changed — once a light bulb, always a light bulb. However, it takes only one atheist to replace a light bulb.

  • http://www.jaredmlee.net jared

    none, they prefer to hide in the dark and pretend to see the light.

  • James

    Two
    one to change the bulb
    another to quit relying on the old type of bulb and design a better one

  • GWN

    one. Come on, it’s simple physics!

  • Frank

    I’m the light… so I don’t need light bulbs

  • Lysander

    Don’t try to change the lightbulb; that’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth–there is no lightbulb. Then you’ll see that it is not the bulb that changes; it is only yourself.

  • Lysander

    I think it should be:

    Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A. Two, but how do they get in there?

    :)

  • http://www.edwardtbabinski.us Edward T. Babinski

    ANSWER:

    One,Thomas Alva Edison, also the light bulb’s inventor, who didn’t believe in an afterlife but in brightening up this one.

    –Edward T. Babinski

  • J Myers

    This isn’t mine; I saw it posted somewhere recently, and thought it was pretty good:

    Q: How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Two: One to change the lightbulb, and one to videotape the event to keep the theists from claiming that god did it.

  • Ben

    A .true. atheist wouldn’t change the lightbulb, because in order to know for certain that the lightbulb was burned out, you would require complete omniscience. Why change a lightbulb that you aren’t sure is burned out?

  • jedipunk

    None. We just flip the switch.

  • http://religiouscomics.net Jeff

    Q: How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Two: One to change the lightbulb, and one to videotape the event to keep the theists from claiming that god did it.

    Good one. That gets my vote!!!

    If only someone had a video camera around 2000 years ago…
    Imagine…

  • http://hoverFrog.wordpress.com hoverFrog

    One, she tells me to change it when I get home.

  • Thoracantha

    One, but no one will ever use that light again, because as soon as an atheists touches the light bulb, all light emitted becomes the work of the devil.

  • chatterbox

    At least three, but they won’t change it, just continue the orgy until the sun rises!

    Alternatively:

    One, but they need the severed head of a baby.

  • http://gwenny.newsvine.com Gwenny

    None. An atheist rationally knows that a light bulb can’t be changed — once a light bulb, always a light bulb. However, it takes only one atheist to replace a light bulb.

    This one gets my vote! But this one deserves honorable mention!

    One, she tells me to change it when I get home.

  • pip

    One, and we have the science to prove our answer.

  • Lysander

    “. . . in order to know for certain that the lightbulb was burned out, you would require complete omniscience.”

    Okay, I have to call this one out (even if, by chance, it was a jest) because it bugs me. In most clear bulbs (incandescent or otherwise) one can see if the filament is in tact; if not, it’s out. For frosted bulbs, shake them and if you hear something bouncing off the glass, that’s the broken filament (it could also possibly be visible in the bulb if held up to the light). As for fluorescents, the broken filament can likely be heard. For those bulbs which the filament isn’t visible, the sure way to tell if it’s junk is to apply a continuity test with a multimeter, of which the cheapest costs as much as a lightbulb.

  • http://atheists.meetup.com/531 Ben

    It was a jest. Completely, totally a jest. Another try:

    There’s no such thing as a lightbulb. It only takes one atheist to replace the dark-absorber when it gets full.

  • http://www.oldwhiteguy.blogspot.com Jim NH

    None, they would rather curse the darkness

  • Kelly

    robin said, March 5, 2008 at 7:01 pm
    None. Atheists aren’t afraid of the dark.

    and

    jedipunk said, March 6, 2008 at 6:28 am
    None. We just flip the switch.

    Both made me LOL.

  • Tom

    Lightbulbs don’t go out naturally. It’s just confused. Send it to lightbulb camp.