How to Transition from Godless to Godly

Troy Conrad is offering suggestions to those atheists who find themselves becoming religious, but who are not sure how to make that transition happen.

As freethinkers, we’ve gotten a bit rusty in the worship department. When working out the faith muscle, we must start slowly so it doesn’t get overtaxed. Start out at the Joel Osteen level, before you consider going full Falwell.

Some of the advice:

Use the “caps lock” on your keyboard. Many atheists are prone to using a lower case “g” when typing the word “God.” This habit, left unchecked, is an embarrassing mistake for the newly anointed. Using the caps lock is a foolproof solution, making it impossible to mess up a phrase such as: “MAY GOD BLESS E. E. CUMMINGS.”

Try a night of gay sex. If you end up liking it, you will meet more people to share your faith with. If you end up disliking it, then your repentance and faith will just get stronger. Either way, God wins.


Of course, he forgot to mention burning all the evil science textbooks.

And the evil library books.

And the evil people who read science books they picked up at the library.

"So...we're just locking everyone up now, as opposed to just the kids? This is still ..."

Focus on the Family: Trump’s Immigrant ..."
"Bullshit. He tried to make it seem like the Republican party of the 1800s is ..."

Focus on the Family: Trump’s Immigrant ..."
"You have missed the point.Every mother has a natural and normal duty of care towards ..."

TX Gov. Promises Dying Child He’ll ..."
"Congrats to Annie, Dan, and the rest of the FFRF team. Well played."

Atheists Win Final Judgment Against TX ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Thanks for the link, Hemant.
    This is just the type of humor I needed to take the an “Answers in Genesis” article I just finished reading out of my head.

  • Twewi

    My favorite is the time savings. I always thought I was saving time not going to church, but I never remembered to factor in all that time I spend thinking for myself!

  • I always burn people at the library. In fact, I often burn entire libraries, with patrons inside!

  • Mark

    Start out at the Joel Osteen level, before you consider going full Falwell.

    Some of us believe that Joel Osteen IS Christianity and Jerry Falwell along with his followers are not Christians at all but only evil hateful Osama Bin Laden types hiding in American clothing and pretending to be Christians.

  • DSimon

    Plus, Mark, neither of them are even close to being true Scotsmen!

    Where’s the Haggis?(tm)

  • atheists who find themselves becoming religious

    Read some science, re-read the arguments against religious thinking, read Sagan, Dawkins, Dennet, Hitchins, Harris (and Mehta), watch Penn or Carlin or Mythbusters. Join a free thought group or humanist society. It’s not too late to escape.